Discussion Do you feel obliged to try to be happy/ cheerful around others?

[Forever Sleep]

I remember once, a colleague at work apologised for being more low than usual because his Dad had just died. I was kind of surprised. One- that of course he would be upset after that- there was no need to apologise. But two- that he obviously felt the obligation to act happy around others.

I decided he was much nicer/ more considerate than me because, I don't tend to burden myself with that. If I'm miserable, it's unlikely I'll do much to pretend I'm not. I'll try not to make it really obvious either, unless it's really bad. But, I won't apologise for being quiet or low. I suppose I do realise it's difficult to be around though and, seeing as it's exhausting to mask, I try to avoid being around people all together now.

How about you? Do you try to be in a good mood around other people? Or, do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Do you feel bad about possibly bringing others down or, do you think people should tolerate us- whatever mood we're in?

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

I always act positive. I smile and joke. It makes me feel better and for a little while sometimes even forget about my troubles (even if it's all acted).

On some days however i can't seem to keep that mask up. I had people question me if everything is alright and while i appreciate that they care, i just don't want them to. I don't want anyone to see how fucked up i am and then leave me.

 

[Grog]

I mask all the time, especially in front of my parents.
It feels so liberating when you find someone you can expose the entirety of your soul to.

 

[MrJoker789]

Yes.
Everyone does pretty much, I think
That's why when someone is asking you "how are you?"
Most are never expecting you to say anything else than "fine"
They are more just performing a ritual, a greeting
If you tell them how you actually feel, you are making things awkward for them
I think the answer to this question is probably the most commonly told lie in the world lol
Because almost everyone will probably just say "fine" or something similar, even if they are not

 

[Forveleth]

If I am at more of a event type thing, like going out with a group of friends, then yes, I force myself to appear more happy. However, in my daily life, I do not have the energy to pretend to be happy all the time, and I really do not think we should be forced to. If a co-worker asks, how are you? I have no problem saying, I am kind of shit today.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes.
Everyone does pretty much, I think
That's why when someone is asking you "how are you?"
Most are never expecting you to say anything else than "fine"
They are more just performing a ritual, a greeting
If you tell them how you actually feel, you are making things awkward for them
I think the answer to this question is probably the most commonly told lie in the world lol
Because almost everyone will probably just say "fine" or something similar, even if they are not

That's true actually. I suppose I was thinking more in terms of a longer length conversation or, simply being around people for a longer time though. I know a few people who- no matter how they are feeling, tend to maintain a more positive vibe. I do admire that really but then, maybe they don't feel so down so often. I think for people who are actually depressed, to mask the whole time would be exhausting but then- there will still be a handful that manage it. I just think they're more selfless than me!

 

[heatnormal]

Do you try to be in a good mood around other people? Or, do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Do you feel bad about possibly bringing others down or, do you think people should tolerate us- whatever mood we're in?

i don't think i ever felt the need to recalibrate my mood for other people -- i'd say i try to be in a good/neutral mood in social situations. i've worked with people who had moodswings and couldn't control them well. it must feel isolating.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Depends on who they are.
In general I don't hide how I feel, its all out there. That's why people avoid me: they feel uncomfortable seeing someone else in pain and don't wanna deal with that lol. My teacher explained this to me.
My classmates would speak badly about me and treat me like disposable garbage just because of my obvious mental state I didn't mask.

I can refrain from looking utterly miserable with people who I newly befriended, as to not scare them away.
However, even with them I still retain a bit of the same melancholy, I can't fully mask it.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes I do. If its gamily yeah everything is sunshine and rainbows and friends depending on trust and how long we known eachother.

But i still try to tell them everything is fine despite everything. With my parents I always day I'm fine even if im the verge of a breakdown even myself. I rather cry and fall apart in private I hate crying infront of people.

I just dont want pity.

 

[LittleSunshine]

Always, it's what I do. I always feel responsible for making others feel good. I can barely bear to see others suffer, so it's not entirely altruistic. And, yes! It backfires sometimes too. It remains a battle to also guard your own boundaries in this.

 

[ceelobling]

I try to stay upbeat most of the time. I can express to someone that I'm not feeling well, but I will still try to be normal and not be so down.

Yes.
Everyone does pretty much, I think
That's why when someone is asking you "how are you?"
Most are never expecting you to say anything else than "fine"
They are more just performing a ritual, a greeting
If you tell them how you actually feel, you are making things awkward for them
I think the answer to this question is probably the most commonly told lie in the world lol
Because almost everyone will probably just say "fine" or something similar, even if they are not

Yeah, if someone asks how I'm doing I just say "good." If you say anything more than that, you're forcing yourself into conversation.

 

[heydude56]

Unless I'm extremely depressed, I try to act at least a little bit not to look so depressed around my friends

 

[assassinlord82]

Its been alot harder to mask nowadays but I usually try my best as I hate to bring the mood down when people notice.

 

[katara]

Depends on who they are.
In general I don't hide how I feel, its all out there. That's why people avoid me: they feel uncomfortable seeing someone else in pain and don't wanna deal with that lol. My teacher explained this to me.
My classmates would speak badly about me and treat me like disposable garbage just because of my obvious mental state I didn't mask.

I can refrain from looking utterly miserable with people who I newly befriended, as to not scare them away.
However, even with them I still retain a bit of the same melancholy, I can't fully mask it.

Do u feel it's impossible to talk to normal ppl? Like I want to have a friend but normal ppl aren't nice or understanding of me and it's just too hard.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Do u feel it's impossible to talk to normal ppl? Like I want to have a friend but normal ppl aren't nice or understanding of me and it's just too hard.

Sometimes it is

 

[ctwc]

Generally in a workplace environment, you do have to try not to emit negative energy, at least not actively. There's no "obligation", but when you're in a professional environment, where everyone is trying their best, e.g. to make customers happy, to close deals, to finish projects that will propel the whole team to the top (esp. in startups), emitting an unhealthy dose of negativity will just hurt everyone in the long run. Everyone has their sad sides, but I wouldn't imagine many of us would want to bring down others with us.

Same goes events. It depends on the kind of event as well, but you want to read the atmosphere and at the very least not try to emit something downright opposite of what's going on. It can hurt relationships in the long run - even if you won't exist tomorrow, I don't think it's a good call to give anyone a bad day today.

It's also why we need safe spaces - my safe space is this forum.

There's no need to put on a mask. After all, it will be over sooner or later. How can you not find solace in that?

 

[InevitableDeath]

Yeah, its only since the mass betrayal that I realised that was all a fucking waste of effort. Still knee jerk comedy though, and its still a waste of effort.

Ho hum. They're all humourless drones and Death beckons anyway.

I like my own company.... we get along so well.

 

[ScaredCutter]

around my parents, i try to act like things are always fine but, when something has gone pretty badly, i just have this gloomy aura and id keep getting asked about my feelings, what happened and such. still try to act happy anyways

 

[Spite]

Usually, yeah. It's tiring. I find I do this more often around family than anyone else and it's almost always in an effort to stave off worry and concern about me.

 

[HawkTalon]

I don't know if I can call it obligation, more so just allowing me to cruise along a little longer without any issues. At work, people just see me as a carefree, cheerful guy overall. If I were to be anything else, to speak of things I'm going through, it'd make others uncomfortable and it'd lead to undesirable situations. As I'm sure many here are aware, most people just don't know how to handle certain things, so it's easier to just keep everything to myself.

 

[Unlucky777]

Yeah I put on a happy mask near everyone. I hate it.

 

[NoHorizon]

Yes. I know that in my natural, depressed state I can be an absolute black hole to be around, sucking the life out of everything around me, and I don't want to make other people feel unpleasant. I also don't want to be lonely, so the only option is to put on as much of a front as I can (which, admittedly, isn't that convincing but at least people think I'm just "a bit down" rather than thinking about suicide). It is tiring, though.

 

[deadgirlwalking]

Absolutely I do. Im someone who is known for having a bubbly friendly personality, a lot of the times its just a mask to hide behind deep sadness I have to not scare people away. I still feel like that unwanted unlikeable deeply traumatized little girl who has to perform in order to get basic kindness. I dont hate anyone and I dont wish harm on anyone but I do feel as though im very much alone in the world and I can't really trust anyone. I basically just put up a front to survive and not be further ridiculed and traumatized. I feel like when you're perceived as friendly and likeable people are less likely to give you a hard time. Being perceived as likeable and charming goes a long way in how you're treated unfortunately.

 

[iveseenfootage]

Any time I don't I get pushed out even quicker than usual so gotta do what you gotta do I guess

 

[Ilovemycats]

For me, I'm kinda the support pillar of my friend group making sure that everyone is feeling alright and that they're actually enjoying themselves. I'd rather not bother them with my problems and I already kinda accepted that I am alone with my personal struggles- I know that my friends would support me, they're kind but I just can't bring myself to open up fully- maybe I just don't want them to see me in a different spotlight.. (・ω・、)

 

[Alpacachino]

Yeah, whenever anyone asks, I just tell them these are tears of happiness.

 

[scordatura]

My life would be much easier if I kept my mouth shut, never expressed myself and pretended I was happy.

There is only one place I go, where I always do my best to act positive, because it's like an external family. There I've even heard people say "you're always happy" and one time when I was there and was in a really bad way and did everything to pretend I was okay but it was so obvious I wasn't and I could tell they could tell, although they never said anything, I appreciated it, a silent confirmation.

However anyone I'm around on a daily or close to daily basis. No chance. It's like I'm leaking everywhere whether I like it or not. I come off very unapproachable these days. I'm trying to change that though, if only for the sake of one person, because it must feel good to think you saved someone. I'm working on it.

 

[catsalvation]

Even when I'm not positive I have to mask... After a point it's not that you don't want to say... But there's no one to listen... Some things are not shareable

 

[LaetumCat]

Yeah, I do try my best to be cheerful around everyone. Not that I exactly want to, I just "can't" be not cheerful. If I have the energy to act happy, I do it automatically without thinking. Is it tiring? yes, but I don't know how to "turn it off" so I just continue doing so. Also, it fools people easily, smiling = they think I'm happy, even when I'm not. Sometimes even my family can't tell that im upset when I'm smiling.