Do you ever feel the cuts before they are there?

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I feel like crying, screaming and pulling my hair out. Most importantly, I want to cut and self harm. I never feel like that. I can feel the itching and burning sensations on my arms, and it's like raw flesh is crying out "cut me! cut me!" What am I even worth anyways, if I did do it. Nobody cares until they have to. It's the same chime from everyone around me "try to control your urges, it'll get better." No, there's something seriously wrong here. Some people have it better than others, and that's not fucking fair. You can't understand until you have a disability holding you back from life, that's what autism is. And yet, it's glorified, some people strut around with it like it's some sort of fucking identity to be proud of. But for others, it's a death sentence. You're watching the world function around you, people interact and be happy, while you are this estranged weirdo so yes.... I want to cut.... I want to, but even when I'm a bloody mess I still don't matter. So what's the point.

 

[liquid jen]

Yeah, I do relate to the almost physical feeling of them when the urge comes. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now. I can't speak specifically for autism, but I too hate how little normal people understand what its like to be this way. It only furthers the estrangement and urges.

 

[getoutgirl]

Last thursday to saturday I spent really resisting buying razors again the whole day, and I hadn't had that specific impulse of cutting in a couple long months. So yeah I totally relate to that urge, the visualizing in your head over and over in the exact spot they should be, it gets bad.
I would... say... to try to control the urges but... idk I'm definetly not gonna pretend like there is an easy solution to anything you go through, I just really hope you had it easier to deal with in some way :( cos you'd deserve some of that for once.
If you end up cutting for release or relief... it's fine, if it helps in that overwhelming moment, if nothing else does. I'd much rather you didn't have to but, yeah I know. Whatever you do I just hope it makes you feel better really. I'm around if u ever wanna vent or in any way I can help. Big hugs <3

 

[divinemistress36]

Hey me to and I havent cut in like 20 years and suddenly have an urge to