Discussion Do you believe that even the most horrible person can change?

[De4dX3nd]

Do you think people like that deserve second chances after doing something horrible?

Or is there no hope for someone like them, to make amends, for things to be normal again, to even continue living?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

People can change. It happens all the time. I feel like the main issue is the ways in which wider societal beliefs and systems can make it so that change can be hard. If somebody who has done something awful wants to change then there probably is a good chance that they can, but most people require some sort of form of support in order to do so.

This makes me think back to the prison system and how so many prison systems around the world are set up in such a way that keeps prisoners from being able to change and turn their lives around, even if they want to. They focus more on "punishments" (even though said punishments don't even meet the actual criteria for what punishment is supposed to be) with there being little to no focus on rehabilitation.

Going into societal beliefs, the idea that people can be categorized within the dichotomies of good and bad is incredibly harmful and can lead to people trying to do better finding it hard due to others only being able to see them as bad or evil. It can also lead to people not bothering to change at all due to them either seeing themselves as inherently bad or because they can only see themselves as good. It just ends up promoting this sort of stagnant mindset. I feel like an aspect of being able to change includes having to breed an environment that welcomes and encourages it. An aspect of that is understanding that people are complex and that even the most awful people out there cannot be simplified down to just "bad".

I don't really believe in bad vs good people. There are people and that is it. I'm assuming that this thread might specifically be about yourself based on your post (though I might be wrong here) and if so, then I have to say that if you want to change then just do it. Just work on changing for the better. Obviously, it's easier said than done but you shouldn't hold yourself back from doing better. Even if you aren't ever able to make amends with those you've hurt and even if they end up hating you for the rest of their lives that shouldn't stop you from trying to do better. Doing better comes down to learning from your past shitty actions at the end of the day and trying to not be that type of person anymore.


Also, I'm sorry if this comes off as poorly written and cheesy. I'm young, okay! I'm in my dumbass era!

 

[De4dX3nd]

People can change. It happens all the time. I feel like the main issue is the ways in which wider societal beliefs and systems can make it so that change can be hard. If somebody who has done something awful wants to change then there probably is a good chance that they can, but most people require some sort of form of support in order to do so.

This makes me think back to the prison system and how so many prison systems around the world are set up in such a way that keeps prisoners from being able to change and turn their lives around, even if they want to. They focus more on "punishments" (even though said punishments don't even meet the actual criteria for what punishment is supposed to be) with there being little to no focus on rehabilitation.

Going into societal beliefs, the idea that people can be categorized within the dichotomies of good and bad is incredibly harmful and can lead to people trying to do better finding it hard due to others only being able to see them as bad or evil. It can also lead to people not bothering to change at all due to them either seeing themselves as inherently bad or because they can only see themselves as good. It just ends up promoting this sort of stagnant mindset. I feel like an aspect of being able to change includes having to breed an environment that welcomes and encourages it. An aspect of that is understanding that people are complex and that even the most awful people out there cannot be simplified down to just "bad".

I don't really believe in bad vs good people. There are people and that is it. I'm assuming that this thread might specifically be about yourself based on your post (though I might be wrong here) and if so, then I have to say that if you want to change then just do it. Just work on changing for the better. Obviously, it's easier said than done but you shouldn't hold yourself back from doing better. Even if you aren't ever able to make amends with those you've hurt and even if they end up hating you for the rest of their lives that shouldn't stop you from trying to do better. Doing better comes down to learning from your past shitty actions at the end of the day and trying to not be that type of person anymore.


Also, I'm sorry if this comes off as poorly written and cheesy. I'm young, okay! I'm in my dumbass era!

It's ok LMAO it did help my mood a little,,,

 

[tirednwired]

I think that everyone deserves a second chance, but I also think that most people don't end up using it wisely

 

[maniac116]

I wouldn't say 100% deserve a second chance but people can change.
But the first person we need to give a second chance to is ourselves.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Do you think people like that deserve second chances after doing something horrible?

Or is there no hope for someone like them, to make amends, for things to be normal again, to even continue living?

First of all I never received a chance. Literally. My chances in life have been 0. That said it depends. Having said that people don't change or more accurately they rarely do. The older they are the less likely.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Yes they can change but it might not always be their own 100% choice to do so. I don't want to change, because I don't see a reason to, I'm getting closer to death by the day and I can't wait, this year will be the year, I can feel it, the culmination of the past 5 years, I've waited for any sign of "goodness" but we're only going into deeper amounts of shit, the last thing on my mind is what others think about my morality meter. Nobody cares, they all pretend to , this is just a sham shit show of a game where the players bullshit eachother into playing it so they don't have to alt+f4 together.

No matter how "good" I would become, no matter how well I would fair against life, no matter how much I would repress my emotions and be an obedient cogwheel nothing will change my baseline morality: not religion, not philosophers, not my parents, not my peers, no drugs, no activity, nothing will change the way I am because that would mean I would lie to myself and I hate liars the most.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure. Maybe some can. It probably depends what motivated them to do what they did and, whether they feel true regret/ remorse for it. And- for the right reasons. They take responsibility that they were in the wrong. They hurt another person and they feel truly guilty about it. They truly want to change.

Not just that they feel bad because they got caught or, they feel ashamed that people got a glimse of what they were/ are capable of. I'm not sure the latter is enough to really effect change.

I suppose I'm more concerned for the victim though- if I'm honest. Should that person keep offering themselves up as some sort of sacrificial lamb while the other person 'grows'. Great, if they don't reoffend but- what if they do?

What if this is a romantic relationship with coersion and abuse? What if a person gets beaten up, gives their partner another chance and the second incident doesn't happen for a year? Now, how likely are they to leave them if they're now convinced they love them? And, they've been kind all that time in between. Maybe they said something to upset them? Maybe they can avoid this in future?

From a friend who was abused by her partner, she gave me the following advice: 'Leave the first time they hit you.' Maybe there's something in it... She went on to suffer terrible injuries from this POS.

Also personally speaking, from growing up with a (suspected) narcissist, the best thing I ever did was to get away from them and from what I've heard, I don't think they've changed. If it benefits them to act the way they do and, they can find enough people to put up with it- why would they change? For some people, it may be their greatest source of pleasure to abuse and undermine others. Maybe people can change but I tend to distrust now after the first red flag. I'll still be cordial most probably but, I'll be wary of them.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

Whether they deserve any chance at all depends on what they did and why they did it honestly. It's kind of hard to give you an answer without more details. Saying something terrible to someone? Easily deserves a second chance, and to make amends. Trafficking someone? Doesn't deserve a second chance at all, and there's no making amends with something like that. Most you can do to try and fix that is never do it again, which isn't enough.