Do I really have to CTB?

[fsociety]

Hello community!

It's is now exactly 1/2 year since I lost everything, my perfect relationship, my father and my best friend… People always tell me to wait and sit it out. But in the last 1/2 year my life just went worse.. each day is just surviving, looking forward to the day survival instinct isn't that great I can finally end my life.. I'm 32 now and I am not a stupid dumb kid who's life will possibly change in the future.. I can't get new friends because of my social anxiety, I can't meet a girl because nobody is interested in a life that is fucked up.. I know exactly what I've lost and don't think life could change for the better.. My mind constantly reminds me of what I've had and what I've lost… each day and even in my dreams… still I'm here and didn't bought SN which would be no problem in my country.. Why continue, I don't know why I've already took my own life.. is it just a matter of time till everything gets to exhausting to continue and take the final steps?.. I don't know..

I just wish for a lethal disease or a fatal accident that take my life.. I can't continue like that.. there are a lot of people who has it worse a lot longer, but they had it always worse - so I keep thinking everything positive in their life is a big breaking point.. for me.. I had the best life Someone could think of and I ruined it and it was up to me, it was my fault.. I don't want to continue living like this knowing I had a good life and now everything will be worse than I've had..

 

[Deleted member 65988]

If you're asking if you really have to ctb then the answer is only yours to figure out when taking a look at your circumstances and how they could still change but otherwise seeking an answer here as to whether it's a yes or not is leaning into encouragement territory which is something not condoned here and so it's only something you can answer for yourself, I'm sure some can relate here to your pain.

 

[Hotsackage]

Lost my dad to, earlier this year.and my life is in the shits to, I'm sorry

 

[Worndown]

Only you can say life is no longer worth living.

 

[Escanor1]

Damn bro I'm sorry for everything you've been through. Life sure is tough. Trying to figure out if you wanna CTB could be a long or short journey like i wish that I was never born, that would've been so much better for me and everyone around me. Personally I've made a pact with myself, that once I've determined that I want to CTB and I have obtained the matireal to do so, I'm just gonna wait ( 1 year max ), it's like a little game I guess. Kinda makes me excited thinking about what could happen after I stop waiting. Guess the only thing I had in control of my life was my life.

 

[fsociety]

Thanks for all the replies..

I want you to know that I'm maybe different than most of us here.. 1/2 year ago my life was perfect and I was never prepared for situations like that.. I never had to deal with hard situations.. and now everything comes together.. the last 1/2 year I was suicidal, but not suicidal enough to do something about it.. today I ordered SN, which says I'm ready for it.. it's just a matter of time till my life gets too hard to actually do it..

 

[shelterwhereisleep]

I understand this so well. My father died and my partner of 9 years left me all within 6 months. My life was becoming exactly what I wanted and it's all gone now.

 

[karmaisabitch]

My life and I changed since my son passed. I lost my son my soul my d eddy thing and since then I'm walking as if I'm blind I just can't see the future.. you don't have to ctb there are other options in life, I know I have to die I already died but your story is different.. I wish you the best

 

[theboy]

It is a very personal decision

 

[Ambivalent1]

No

 

[Suicidal_manlet]

This forum doesn't decide if you should CTB or not it just gives you all the resources if you are actually willing to attempt it yourself.

 

[Disappointered]

No one can make that decision for you but I personally think this world is one to try to get out of peacefully when ready.

 

[Sk1rtd4b]

Hello community!

It's is now exactly 1/2 year since I lost everything, my perfect relationship, my father and my best friend… People always tell me to wait and sit it out. But in the last 1/2 year my life just went worse.. each day is just surviving, looking forward to the day survival instinct isn't that great I can finally end my life.. I'm 32 now and I am not a stupid dumb kid who's life will possibly change in the future.. I can't get new friends because of my social anxiety, I can't meet a girl because nobody is interested in a life that is fucked up.. I know exactly what I've lost and don't think life could change for the better.. My mind constantly reminds me of what I've had and what I've lost… each day and even in my dreams… still I'm here and didn't bought SN which would be no problem in my country.. Why continue, I don't know why I've already took my own life.. is it just a matter of time till everything gets to exhausting to continue and take the final steps?.. I don't know..

I just wish for a lethal disease or a fatal accident that take my life.. I can't continue like that.. there are a lot of people who has it worse a lot longer, but they had it always worse - so I keep thinking everything positive in their life is a big breaking point.. for me.. I had the best life Someone could think of and I ruined it and it was up to me, it was my fault.. I don't want to continue living like this knowing I had a good life and now everything will be worse than I've had..

You will never "have" to CTB. There is always an option to keep living and push through and it's up to you to analyze your circumstances and weigh out the pros and cons of both sides to make the decision right for you.

 

[feelinggloomy]

My life and I changed since my son passed. I lost my son my soul my d eddy thing and since then I'm walking as if I'm blind I just can't see the future.. you don't have to ctb there are other options in life, I know I have to die I already died but your story is different.. I wish you the best

My son passed too. We may have already communicated I'm new to the site and sometimes don't track well. Im sorry for your loss. My life ended when I lost my son. I claw my way through the day and I'm a shell of a person.

 

[astr4]

that's the beautiful and cursed thing about free will. it's truly your decision, there isn't any "should" or "shouldn't".

 

[locked*n*loaded]

CTB is something you can take, or not. You never "have" to CTB. You can live, try and make the best of what you have, even try and make things better. It's all about you and what you feel is in your best interest. If you have doubts, I say don't do it, it's probably not the right time. If things stay bad, or continue to get worse, you can revisit CTB at any time. There's no real timeline, unless you self impose one.

 

[karmaisabitch]

My son passed too. We may have already communicated I'm new to the site and sometimes don't track well. Im sorry for your loss. My life ended when I lost my son. I claw my way through the day and I'm a shell of a person.

I'm sorry that you're living it too!! my friend! @divinemistress36 told me that we can support each other. I don't know how people survive this pain but I know I won't. I don't know what to search anymore. I'm just hoping to die naturally from broken heart syndrome. I have no energy to even chat anymore it's like the sadness took over my whole body.

 

[divinemistress36]

I'm sorry that you're living it too!! my friend! @divinemistress36 told me that we can support each other. I don't know how people survive this pain but I know I won't. I don't know what to search anymore. I'm just hoping to die naturally from broken heart syndrome. I have no energy to even chat anymore it's like the sadness took over my whole body.

Maybe getting a reading could help some?