Venting Dissonance between "support is available" and the way people are treated

[SilentSadness]

I think that every time I see something like "call this hotline if you have suicidal thoughts" or "the Samaritans are here for you" I become immediately suicidal because it reminds me of how no one cares. There has always been this dissonance between the help and support everyone claims exists and the total cruelty and indifference actually displayed by individuals and support organisations. To me it seems so simple, if you are sending people to jail for calling you then no one who knows this is going to call you. But supposedly, normalising this setup is how we reduce the stigma around suicide and encourage people to get help. To put it differently, others act very convincingly like there is so much support available and people willing to comfort you, listen to you, and help you when you need it. But if you've inhabited this world for a few days, you'll know just how much disdain people have for suicidal and hurting people. It does at times feel like I am in this strange liminal dream where other people live in a separate reality. I am wondering if life is actually a video game

 

[hyuk✮i]

sometimes i think that some organisations and people in general don't actually care, they don't give a shit about checking on you or anything they just do it for brownies "good guy" points for "helping a person in distress" or profiting on you for money

 

[Namelesa]

Yea honestly most people just use that as a way to us out of the way so they don't have to support us but feel good still about it as they think we going to something helpful. And then they blame us for not feeling better after this "support" like its our fault hehehehe

I am wondering if life is actually a video game

Nah I don't think it is as this far worsely designed compared to any video game that exists. This is worse than Bubsy 3D.

 

[-Link-]

I think a lot of the time, especially when dealing with people in care-oriented roles, people do care but they don't always know how to show it in a way or offer help in a way that would have meaningful impact on the other person. Or they're feeling so stressed and overwhelmed in their own lives that they're lacking the mental energy for it. Or they're held down by a broken or inefficient system.

Wanting to care vs being able to care.

The system as a whole is in pretty bad shape. Everyone's burnt out. There aren't enough resources. There's a lot that could be done but isn't being done, at all levels, to reduce suffering. Entire groups in some places are being disenfranchised or feeling the consequences of regressive policies or cultural shifting.

Care-givers and care-seekers alike are affected by this, with the latter probably taking the brunt of the impact.

I'd say to anybody who is seeking care or support of any kind, to try to remember that the person you're seeking support from is most likely suffering too, themselves, in their own way. That sounds kind of ridiculous to say to somebody who's actively suicidal and seeking support, to tell them to "think of the other person", but that does seem to be our reality today, as far "helping them help you" or remembering that another person's care isn't always outwardly apparent.

To me it seems so simple, if you are sending people to jail for calling you then no one who knows this is going to call you. But supposedly, normalising this setup is how we reduce the stigma around suicide and encourage people to get help.

For anybody who's looking for support but also concerned about being unnecessarily sectioned, think about the reasons why you're feeling suicidal. And then try to downplay the whole suicidality bit while underscoring your reasons for wanting to die. Most often, "just wanting to die" isn't going to be the actual problem. "I want to die because......" -- whatever you finish that sentence with, is what you're actually needing support for.

 

[SilentSadness]

For anybody who's looking for support but also concerned about being unnecessarily sectioned, think about the reasons why you're feeling suicidal. And then try to downplay the whole suicidality bit while underscoring your reasons for wanting to die. Most often, "just wanting to die" isn't going to be the actual problem. "I want to die because......" -- whatever you finish that sentence with, is what you're actually needing support for.

Thank you for responding, the problem is you are treated badly for just having problems not even being suicidal. In my experience, talking about problems you have is taken as proof that you are suicidal and/or nihilistic. So it's not possible sadly. Also, anyone in a support role who is only looking for support is in the wrong line of work.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah, it really pisses me off a lot whenever I hear such inane and aggravating statements spewed by brainless normies and pro-lifers/anti-choicers/preventionists. Like others have stated, they really don't care about one's well being and even the aftermath (usually worse off due to the extra burdens that the suicidal face, be it medical bills, more humiliation, risk of loss of employment or housing, and of course other civil rights being taken away). I make a massive effort to NEVER hint at such ideation or give off signs/red flags whenever in the meatspace or even outside of SaSu. I simply have no tolerance for that kind of spiel, let alone the ordeals suffered by people who get taken away against their will and then forced to pay for the unwanted service/treatment.

 

[-Link-]

Thank you for responding, the problem is you are treated badly for just having problems not even being suicidal. In my experience, talking about problems you have is taken as proof that you are suicidal and/or nihilistic. So it's not possible sadly. Also, anyone in a support role who is only looking for support is in the wrong line of work.

It sounds like you've been failed very badly in your past experiences. I know what it is to be failed by others who were supposed to "support", and I know it's hard to come back from that. In my case, there were others out there who were able to do better for me, and I do hope there's someone out there who can do better for you, too.

 

[alwaysalone]

I think a lot of the time, especially when dealing with people in care-oriented roles, people do care but they don't always know how to show it in a way or offer help in a way that would have meaningful impact on the other person. Or they're feeling so stressed and overwhelmed in their own lives that they're lacking the mental energy for it. Or they're held down by a broken or inefficient system.

Wanting to care vs being able to care.

The system as a whole is in pretty bad shape. Everyone's burnt out. There aren't enough resources. There's a lot that could be done but isn't being done, at all levels, to reduce suffering. Entire groups in some places are being disenfranchised or feeling the consequences of regressive policies or cultural shifting.

Care-givers and care-seekers alike are affected by this, with the latter probably taking the brunt of the impact.

I'd say to anybody who is seeking care or support of any kind, to try to remember that the person you're seeking support from is most likely suffering too, themselves, in their own way. That sounds kind of ridiculous to say to somebody who's actively suicidal and seeking support, to tell them to "think of the other person", but that does seem to be our reality today, as far "helping them help you" or remembering that another person's care isn't always outwardly apparent.


For anybody who's looking for support but also concerned about being unnecessarily sectioned, think about the reasons why you're feeling suicidal. And then try to downplay the whole suicidality bit while underscoring your reasons for wanting to die. Most often, "just wanting to die" isn't going to be the actual problem. "I want to die because......" -- whatever you finish that sentence with, is what you're actually needing support for.

Just to play devil's advocate they may actually be trying to push people into suicide by acting uncaring. Ted bundy volunteered for a rape hot line because he found it funny. (his little inside joke) I do think you're probably right though. I also know for a fact a lot have essentially scripts they're suppose to stay with like a telemarketer.

 

[Santana Idaho]

this may be a few branches from your point, but it's making me think of this youtube reaction couple i saw watch "The Last of Us." There's a suicide that he reacted to negatively because he saw it as the show promoting suicide.

People like that are so up their own asses.

At this crucial junction where I'm the most between life and death than I've ever been, thinking about these ignorant, condescending, "but well meaning!" people make me spiral, so I'll stop after this.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

glib bullshit.

normally I would change my punctuation to be consistent, but right now i'm liking how it shows how my language gets stilted when i'm upset

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

Yeah, it really pisses me off a lot whenever I hear such inane and aggravating statements spewed by brainless normies and pro-lifers/anti-choicers/preventionists. Like others have stated, they really don't care about one's well being and even the aftermath (usually worse off due to the extra burdens that the suicidal face, be it medical bills, more humiliation, risk of loss of employment or housing, and of course other civil rights being taken away). I make a massive effort to NEVER hint at such ideation or give off signs/red flags whenever in the meatspace or even outside of SaSu. I simply have no tolerance for that kind of spiel, let alone the ordeals suffered by people who get taken away against their will and then forced to pay for the unwanted service/treatment.

I love "meatspace". I'm using that

 

[looking4partner]

I only tried contacting the "support" number a few times after 16 years of ideation where I did not call.

When I texted the 24/7 phone number, no one was available, so I waited for an hour and ended up falling asleep because I was waiting so long. (They also only gave me a couple of minutes to respond after that hour before they sent another text saying that they were disconnecting since they hadn't received any message from me after notifying that they were available. If I had been awake, I don't think I would have even seen it in time to be able to reply before they disconnected which would make me have to text back and possibly wait for another hour again. Which is the exact type of thing that contributes to my mental breakdowns getting worse)

They also sent me links that were either broken or required me to pay for an app program to be able to view them.

I also texted a support line in another state to try and find if there were any 24/7 support lines that text with people from other states (that one did not, but one caller offered to look for me. And I read online that support lines are better at talking to you than the crisis line.) They gave me a list of numbers, but none of them accepted out-of-state calls like the first person had told me, so they didn't check to see that it was accurate info they were giving me. I texted them a second time to ask if there were any more companies on their list & they told me to check Discord for mental health groups. (Not a specific group from a list, they just said they had seen mental health groups there.) They also gave me a link to a website with partners to schedule support chats with. Except you had to sign up with your insurance & I think it cost money.

I also asked the crisis line if they could help me practice a type of basic/common counseling exercise because I have a hard time figuring out how to do it on my own still. But, they didn't know what it was. And they basically just asked me what things I do when I'm stressed. (They did send me a link to a grounding exercises article.) Idk why anyone says that the callers are "trained" in mental health. Because a required script is not the same as training in mental health conditions.

And one of the most accessible text support lines I found was for teenagers. But the volunteers who text back were other teenagers who also had mental health issues. (Nothing against them, but if a teen is calling a support line, they probably need an adult who has more life experience and knows more about what types of behavior are acceptable that another teenager would not necessarily know.) I was just surprised that society basically expected other struggling teenagers to be the ones to support teens in difficult situations needing to talk to someone.

Anyway, I feel like there are a lot of ways that the support everyone references/the system could be majorly improved. Including making it more accessible for people with disabilities because not everyone can talk out loud on the phone. And for people with social anxiety, that can make symptoms worse. And giving people more time to respond since they could have a TBI, slow processing speed, a learning disability, or other things that affect their speed of reaction time and how long they need to be able to reply. (They also texted me some online form to fill out at the exact same moment that a texter started replying to my messages.)

I think I also tried an online chat resource in another state, but there was some reason why it didn't work. It would help if the support websites that I have tried to use in general for various different things would check their website to make sure everything is still working and the information that they are offering to help with is still up-to-date/current or delete the page if it's not. Especially because one of those said websites is constantly receiving donations of money.

Because I have thought that I was going to be able to access some slight amount of help for different under-researched things so many times that ended up being a broken or expired link or not working once I finally got to the final page.

End rant

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I think that every time I see something like "call this hotline if you have suicidal thoughts" or "the Samaritans are here for you" I become immediately suicidal because it reminds me of how no one cares. There has always been this dissonance between the help and support everyone claims exists and the total cruelty and indifference actually displayed by individuals and support organisations. To me it seems so simple, if you are sending people to jail for calling you then no one who knows this is going to call you. But supposedly, normalising this setup is how we reduce the stigma around suicide and encourage people to get help. To put it differently, others act very convincingly like there is so much support available and people willing to comfort you, listen to you, and help you when you need it. But if you've inhabited this world for a few days, you'll know just how much disdain people have for suicidal and hurting people. It does at times feel like I am in this strange liminal dream where other people live in a separate reality. I am wondering if life is actually a video game

Yes to this. It was a hard lesson to learn for me.