gardenoflonely
All roads lead home
- Apr 29, 2026
- 127
i don't know what i'm still here for. i don't enjoy anything or want anything.
i have almost everything to ctb, i guess once everything is complete that will be it. i hope it won't take more than a few days at this point. i will just share my thoughts under this one thread until then. i hate it here. i wish i didn't. i know there's so much beauty in the world. i just can't get to it. i really did try, maybe not enough but also how hard can i be expected to try. and nobody is magically going to drop out of the sky to save me. i'm just done and i don't care. i don't care enough to make an actual "goodbye" thread when it comes though, i guess ill just log out one day, ctb, and never log back in. never exist on earth at all. the only time i feel happy now is thinking about getting away from everyone. if there's some type of afterlife i hope every that let me suffer in life stays far far away from me.
it is so annoying to act like i dont want help too like what are are talking about, actually? so many people my age and younger, they actually go through with ctb without ever telling a single person they were suicidal. and learning this, idk if it was a panic attack or what, but i felt so overwhelmed like maybe i should try telling people again one last time. so i did. but it doesn't help, it never does, people love to watch me drown i guess. me suffering is entertainment or something. don't know. i've told so many people how i've been feeling. at some point i just have to accept nobody cares. all i do is cry and hope someone will hear me. nobody is coming and im tired of waiting.
i have almost everything to ctb, i guess once everything is complete that will be it. i hope it won't take more than a few days at this point. i will just share my thoughts under this one thread until then. i hate it here. i wish i didn't. i know there's so much beauty in the world. i just can't get to it. i really did try, maybe not enough but also how hard can i be expected to try. and nobody is magically going to drop out of the sky to save me. i'm just done and i don't care. i don't care enough to make an actual "goodbye" thread when it comes though, i guess ill just log out one day, ctb, and never log back in. never exist on earth at all. the only time i feel happy now is thinking about getting away from everyone. if there's some type of afterlife i hope every that let me suffer in life stays far far away from me.
it is so annoying to act like i dont want help too like what are are talking about, actually? so many people my age and younger, they actually go through with ctb without ever telling a single person they were suicidal. and learning this, idk if it was a panic attack or what, but i felt so overwhelmed like maybe i should try telling people again one last time. so i did. but it doesn't help, it never does, people love to watch me drown i guess. me suffering is entertainment or something. don't know. i've told so many people how i've been feeling. at some point i just have to accept nobody cares. all i do is cry and hope someone will hear me. nobody is coming and im tired of waiting.
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