After years and years of depression, intense sadness and feelings of inadequacy since childhood, I was so close to being able to ctb this year just about a month ago. I ordered SN, which took two months to get to me. I was called at the parcel post/customs, was able to HOLD IT IN MY HANDS and had to go through some stressful days to get a clearance from the appropriate authorities to be able to collect it. On the day I was supposed to go get it however, lockdown started in my country :( and the post isn't considered an essential service.
I feel horrible these days, I am approaching my 30s, have low employability despite having a university degree, I've felt depressed since I was a child due to how I was brought up and have an unclear sense of identity due BPD. I feel There is absolutely no reason for me to go on. I am even losing my ability to communicate properly so I struggle to explain what I am going through to people around me. I hate myself and my life and I can't stand being here anymore. I am even thinking of ingesting bleach or setting myself in fire inspite of the pain to end it all.
I feel horrible these days, I am approaching my 30s, have low employability despite having a university degree, I've felt depressed since I was a child due to how I was brought up and have an unclear sense of identity due BPD. I feel There is absolutely no reason for me to go on. I am even losing my ability to communicate properly so I struggle to explain what I am going through to people around me. I hate myself and my life and I can't stand being here anymore. I am even thinking of ingesting bleach or setting myself in fire inspite of the pain to end it all.
