Venting Depression irritability...

[citrusrope]

The worst part about myself is that I probably have anger issues. It's very hard to "let go" of my anger once I become angry if that makes sense and it feels awful. My depression just amplifies this because my irritability is at an all time high, and my threshold for what can make me angry is at an all time low. Sounds anger me, things that shouldn't piss me off or annoy me absolutely do and I lash out. The only good part is that my anger doesn't manifest "physically" so when my anger rears its ugly head around other people, I just bottle that anger within and storm away out of there quickly, and I'm thankful for that. Unfortunately, that means I take it out on myself or on objects like my chair or desk (away from people, and when I'm alone) and whenever I get angry I feel the unkillable urge to hit myself, and I have done it before which left a humongous bruise on my arm that didn't go away for weeks...

I hate how uncontrollable my rage and irritability feels. It's so explosive, and it physically feels bad like, it's so hard to explain how but being angry just doesn't feel good at all. And once I get going, it just ruins the entire day completely. I already feel like I have no control over myself, but feeling like I can't just calm down when I'm angry makes me feel shittier.

 

[Jadeith]

Those flashes, images that invoke fiery bouts of anger. Coming from nowhere, provoked by seemingly innocent thoughts, images, even smells or sounds, causing immediate teeth grinding, fist clenching and that surprise look on my partner's face, why the hell i just nearly broke her palm...
And then that overwhelming guilt that i couldn't stop it, control myself, prevent it from happening.

..yea, i'd love it gone too.

 

[Saponification]

Same problem here. When something significant actually happens, I might actually feel emotionally "empty", but other times I get random thoughts from things that pissed me off in the past or something silly bothers me and that is enough to trigger me into an uncontrollable temper tantrum and it's very tiring. Sometimes the anger even arises for no reason at random moments throughout the day.

It's definitely a condition I don't need or want.