-nobodyknows-
I will face my fate.
- Jun 16, 2024
- 768
I'm in kind of a weird spot. Things suck, and I feel like they're slowly but steadily getting worse. It's probably only a matter of time before I try to ctb again.
But, I've been trying quite hard for the past 6 months or so to do better. I've forced myself to go out and try and make friends, and I'm not sure whether I'd really call it a success or not at this point, though I do have a couple of people who I hang out with sometimes. I've even told them about things and they've been very understanding, though I can't tell if they genuinely like being around me or if they just feel sorry for the weird loner.
Still, I feel quite guilty about it. I tend to get rather "clingy" with people I like being around (always wanting to hang out around them and the like), but they've got some things going on in their lives and they'll probably not be able to hang out so much anymore.
It sucks. I'm the sort of person who does better when I have other people around (not even necessarily to talk about things with, but just to be with me, especially if I'm having a hard day), but I'm pretty crap at making friends. This recent situation is an anomaly for me too. I don't even remember the last time I had people I liked hanging out with.
Not to mention the fact that if I ctb it'll probably fuck them up a bit. I don't want them to have to deal with that.
Maybe I should distance myself from them? I mean, yes, I'd rather not have to do that, but I'm just quite skeptical about things improving in the long run. I've already been told that I'll probably always have those sorts of feelings. I always feel like I just drag down the people I get close to, and it sucks. I've always hoped that one day I could get married and have a family, but I don't know how I'm supposed to do that if I'm like this.
I don't know. I was really hoping I could keep trying for another six months, but if things are still shit at that point I feel like I may try again, so I feel like maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. I don't want to hurt people if I can avoid it.
But, I've been trying quite hard for the past 6 months or so to do better. I've forced myself to go out and try and make friends, and I'm not sure whether I'd really call it a success or not at this point, though I do have a couple of people who I hang out with sometimes. I've even told them about things and they've been very understanding, though I can't tell if they genuinely like being around me or if they just feel sorry for the weird loner.
Still, I feel quite guilty about it. I tend to get rather "clingy" with people I like being around (always wanting to hang out around them and the like), but they've got some things going on in their lives and they'll probably not be able to hang out so much anymore.
It sucks. I'm the sort of person who does better when I have other people around (not even necessarily to talk about things with, but just to be with me, especially if I'm having a hard day), but I'm pretty crap at making friends. This recent situation is an anomaly for me too. I don't even remember the last time I had people I liked hanging out with.
Not to mention the fact that if I ctb it'll probably fuck them up a bit. I don't want them to have to deal with that.
Maybe I should distance myself from them? I mean, yes, I'd rather not have to do that, but I'm just quite skeptical about things improving in the long run. I've already been told that I'll probably always have those sorts of feelings. I always feel like I just drag down the people I get close to, and it sucks. I've always hoped that one day I could get married and have a family, but I don't know how I'm supposed to do that if I'm like this.
I don't know. I was really hoping I could keep trying for another six months, but if things are still shit at that point I feel like I may try again, so I feel like maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. I don't want to hurt people if I can avoid it.
