Story Day 1. A day of fun and crashing again.

[HeyBoogahJr]

I woke up and I got ready for college.

Told the people I like to have a good week.

I ate my apple and banana like I usually do, I listened to "Here comes a thought" to call myself.

I had a little fear in my heart about how I'll deal with the events of last Thursday at college.

I locked the door and pushed the key through the letterbox and realised I forgot my headphones. Tragic.

I walked to college, felt a little itchy. Saw some cute ducks laying about.

I sat down for a bit and calmed myself.

I went in and sat down with my classmates? We were apparently doing a trip today. I asked how they were doing and drank water. I saw that teacher walk past and felt bad. Damn, does he even want to talk to me anymore...

We got on the taxi, I made sure to check if anyone knew about Thursday and no one did thankfully.

We had a nice chat in the taxi and made it to the park and had a nice day. It was sunny and bright.

We walked and talked and took photos, had a picnic, I rolled down a hill, I played badminton and we had ice cream.

In between that, I checked my emails and saw that my teacher responded, it was a small response to all my pain and sadness.

He was busy and he only saw them now. But nothing after that.

I grabbed a big stick and broke it, I beat the ground with it many times. How angry I was, how saw I felt.

My ARMS keychain broke while I was pushing someone on the swing. I need to fix it. Almost lost all the pieces.

Wish I had someone who could help me fix it.

We went back and had another nice chat in the taxi.

I went to see my leaving care worker and we talked about my pain and sadness. She dropped me off at home and I was on sasu for the rest of the day.

I walked to my clown course and I had a wonderfully fun time there.

On my walk home I thought of the person who told me off about Thursday. "I can't do that again or I can't come anymore"

I sat down, I thought about how he didn't even ask why I did it. He just told me off.

It's been a while, I should've noticed it sooner, but it seems like this person seems to be distancing themselves now. How cruel. How sad. I've been trying to be friends with them for so long. I want to punch them in the face.

For a while now, I've been texting this persona Nd talking to them like we were besties. But he next really gave any of that back. He hasn't been asking about me or my week. Saying hi.

Maybe it was too painful to notice. I thought about how I could get back at him. I'd bring in Alcahol again and this time I'd make sure I'd be dead. The night night method seems a lot more nicer than hanging myself fully.

But I know I'm angry, I know I'm sad. When I die. I don't want it to be against another dick who can't just be human with me.

I want to die peacefully. I want to die not to spite someone. (Or else I'll become a ghost)

Anyway, how was your day today?

I'm gonna go patch up both my coats, shower, eat something yummy and see how my miis are doing in my island.

Thanks for reading.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Day 2: Just Another Day.

Today was Tuesday.

So I kinda didn't sleep for a while, I was awake until like 5am.

Why? I went to go do the deed with a stranger on Sniffies (gay app like Grindr) we did it, then conversated and I said bye.

On my walk home I thought, that maybe I didn't want to do sexual things (guess I'm spiritually a hoe confirmed.) I might just want to do it with a guy I like. Idk, I don't see myself meeting the man of my dreams before my birthday. But hopefully I will and I won't be found dead on a beach.

But I'm no longer a virgin, so I guess that's something. But a milestone for me would be if someone loved me and wanted to spend time with me.

I came home and showered, cleaned my butt out and went to bed.

I woke up around 13:50, I was thinking about the PS-Vita and how much I wanted one.

I got up and had breakfast, helped mum carry bags after she was done shopping.

I went out in my pyjamas.

Put on some vine compilations in the background.

Anyone know what "Taste the biscuit" is? If not.
I suggest watching it. It's a nice video. It's on YouTube.

I've been playing Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream. It's been going well, my teachers mii, isn't interested in being friends with me. Damn.

I have a husband on the island. Laios. Hehe.

I wish I could live on a quaint little island and just know everyone there and have a fun time.

I stopped and played ARMS for a bit. I've been trying to beat my score in Random ARMS mode, and I go down the roster and start over. Today was Twintelle and I lost in V-Ball at around 20.

I got up. Patched up some rips in my coats.

I'm hungry and will be eating some buldak noodles now. Off the bed and then it's college tomorrow and some gardening.

How was your day?

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Holy heck you listen to here comes a thought to calm yourself too? It's relaxing. Is that your favorite SU song? I love Steven Universe. Lapis is my favorite. Is yours Pearl?

Proud of you for doing college that's hard work. What's a clown course BTW? Glad you had fun!! Like your pictures.

Sorry you hooked up with someone and didn't like it too much. I've done the same. Being with someone you love would be way better. I hope you find soneone you love! You deserve it.

Why would you be found on the beach?

Tomodachi life and Buldak noodles sounds amazing BTW I'm jealous lol.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Yeah I was listening to it earlier today. Sitting and waiting. But no one came around. It's a lovely song. Thinking about yourself. Taking a breath. Even if it isn't little. It helps.

I like a ton of su songs. Love like you is my favourite. What is yours? Bird mom is an icon, but my favourite is peridot.

Lapis is an icon too, her feelings are understandable and the pain she must've gone through. Bitch beat blue diamond in sad contest.

Thanks, I appreciate it. College isn't hard. Life isn't too hard, I have to do something. It's better than crying and screaming in your bedroom, y'know? What do you do?

Thanks again, I would love to meet that special someone, maybe I'd be less alien. And maybe I could love like you (hehe)

Who do you look for in a partner?

I plan on doing something around my birthday, if I'm alone again. The place I wanted to go the most. Then it's best if I don't continue the rocky road ahead.

I had curry instead, but watching those goobers interact, it's cute. I wish I had that.

What games do you play? Comfort meal? How's your day going?

Holy heck you listen to here comes a thought to calm yourself too? It's relaxing. Is that your favorite SU song? I love Steven Universe. Lapis is my favorite. Is yours Pearl?

Proud of you for doing college that's hard work. What's a clown course BTW? Glad you had fun!! Like your pictures.

Sorry you hooked up with someone and didn't like it too much. I've done the same. Being with someone you love would be way better. I hope you find soneone you love! You deserve it.

Why would you be found on the beach?

Tomodachi life and Buldak noodles sounds amazing BTW I'm jealous

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Yeah I was listening to it earlier today. Sitting and waiting. But no one came around. It's a lovely song. Thinking about yourself. Taking a breath. Even if it isn't little. It helps.

I like a ton of su songs. Love like you is my favourite. What is yours? Bird mom is an icon, but my favourite is peridot.

Lapis is an icon too, her feelings are understandable and the pain she must've gone through. Bitch beat blue diamond in sad contest.

Thanks, I appreciate it. College isn't hard. Life isn't too hard, I have to do something. It's better than crying and screaming in your bedroom, y'know? What do you do?

Thanks again, I would love to meet that special someone, maybe I'd be less alien. And maybe I could love like you (hehe)

Who do you look for in a partner?

I plan on doing something around my birthday, if I'm alone again. The place I wanted to go the most. Then it's best if I don't continue the rocky road ahead.

I had curry instead, but watching those goobers interact, it's cute. I wish I had that.

What games do you play? Comfort meal? How's your day going?

I'm glad the song helps you too! It's such a nice one.

Do it for her is my favorite song maybe. Hard to pick tho. Bird mom is indeed an icon lol.

Yeah I think that's why I like Lapis so much. She's super relatable. I forgot she beat blue diamond lol. I need to watch again. The show is very comforting.

Peridot is my 2nd favorite. She's such a fun little goblin. I love them episode where her and lapis watch that TV show together and make meep morps lol.

I'm glad things aren't too stressful for you in life. That's a good attitude you have about keeping trying and not wallowing in sadness. My therapist told me that is how you should be. Everyone needs to cry and let it out sometimes though! I try to do the same.

I'm sure you will met someone special to you! I found someone i cared for a lot and they did me. It was very unexpected. You never know when or where it could happen! It does make you feel more like you have a place in life. It doesn't cure everything tho obviously. I look for someone who is very caring and kind, and can relate or deal with how I feel. I don't have a lot of qualifications lol. I bet you look for the same. Everyone wants someone like that.

Birthdays are the worst for me I cry all the time. Try not to do anything on your birthday if you can. You might get impulsive and not make the best choice. I understand how you feel tho.

Curry sounds good with lots of spice!! That game looks really fun. You play it a lot? Is that the only game?

I play lots of games. My comfort drink is coffee not sure about a meal. I'm not doing good, but I will try to feel better. Wbu?

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

I'm glad the song helps you too! It's such a nice one.

Do it for her is my favorite song maybe. Hard to pick tho. Bird mom is indeed an icon lol.

Yeah I think that's why I like Lapis so much. She's super relatable. I forgot she beat blue diamond lol. I need to watch again. The show is very comforting.

Peridot is my 2nd favorite. She's such a fun little goblin. I love them episode where her and lapis watch that TV show together and make meep morps lol.

I'm glad things aren't too stressful for you in life. That's a good attitude you have about keeping trying and not wallowing in sadness. My therapist told me that is how you should be. Everyone needs to cry and let it out sometimes though! I try to do the same.

I'm sure you will met someone special to you! I found someone i cared for a lot and they did me. It was very unexpected. You never know when or where it could happen! It does make you feel more like you have a place in life. It doesn't cure everything tho obviously. I look for someone who is very caring and kind, and can relate or deal with how I feel. I don't have a lot of qualifications lol. I bet you look for the same. Everyone wants someone like that.

Birthdays are the worst for me I cry all the time. Try not to do anything on your birthday if you can. You might get impulsive and not make the best choice. I understand how you feel tho.

Curry sounds good with lots of spice!! That game looks really fun. You play it a lot? Is that the only game?

I play lots of games. My comfort drink is coffee not sure about a meal. I'm not doing good, but I will try to feel better. Wbu?

It is a really nice song. I appreciate Rebecca sugar a ton.

Do it for her is a nice song too. What do you like about it? Pearls emotions? Connies lack of safety?

I'd love to get a pearl point from her.

The show is wonderful. I'm listening to drift away right now.

It would be fun to make meep morps with someone, live on a farm, dance together and watch TV. I like how peridot and lapis are friends.

Yeah "how you should be" what a fuckin sentence. I cry often. What do you do?

I cope everyday with the imaginary boyfriend I have. He's the only one who's had my back. I'd be a lot worse without him. Without me. You have some nice qualities your looking for. We all deserve someone who can listen and be there for us, be kind and understanding.

I don't have that sadly. I know mum tried to, but something is wrong with me. I just don't like her. What would your dream person be like?

I appreciate the advice. I'm sorry to hear that you have a ton of pain on your birthday too. No one needs that on such a day. Whether it be special or sad that your existence was brought about on this day.

The birthday thing is just a nice plan. Can you wait a little longer? Let's do a few more things, yeah? If no one is there to hold us, be our friend on our birthday. I'll take you to the stars. We'll make our own home elsewhere. I'm gonna sit at that beach and remind myself of all the pain. I'm gonna come back home. Goto a graduation party. And when the next big bad day comes. I'll be off and away. I don't have the energy for this anymore.

I play Splatoon and arms and Undertale and danganronpa and many many many games. But I mainly am just playing tomodachi life rn. What do you play?

I don't like coffee, maybe I'm just not adult enough haha.

Sorry, I hope you feel better soon.

I had a bad day, and I'll pen it down on my thread. Do you want to move to DMs? I want to have my thread be about my days before the end. Thanks

 

[Kanau_Nano]

It is a really nice song. I appreciate Rebecca sugar a ton.

Do it for her is a nice song too. What do you like about it? Pearls emotions? Connies lack of safety?

I'd love to get a pearl point from her.

The show is wonderful. I'm listening to drift away right now.

It would be fun to make meep morps with someone, live on a farm, dance together and watch TV. I like how peridot and lapis are friends.

Yeah "how you should be" what a fuckin sentence. I cry often. What do you do?

I cope everyday with the imaginary boyfriend I have. He's the only one who's had my back. I'd be a lot worse without him. Without me. You have some nice qualities your looking for. We all deserve someone who can listen and be there for us, be kind and understanding.

I don't have that sadly. I know mum tried to, but something is wrong with me. I just don't like her. What would your dream person be like?

I appreciate the advice. I'm sorry to hear that you have a ton of pain on your birthday too. No one needs that on such a day. Whether it be special or sad that your existence was brought about on this day.

The birthday thing is just a nice plan. Can you wait a little longer? Let's do a few more things, yeah? If no one is there to hold us, be our friend on our birthday. I'll take you to the stars. We'll make our own home elsewhere. I'm gonna sit at that beach and remind myself of all the pain. I'm gonna come back home. Goto a graduation party. And when the next big bad day comes. I'll be off and away. I don't have the energy for this anymore.

I play Splatoon and arms and Undertale and danganronpa and many many many games. But I mainly am just playing tomodachi life rn. What do you play?

I don't like coffee, maybe I'm just not adult enough haha.

Sorry, I hope you feel better soon.

I had a bad day, and I'll pen it down on my thread. Do you want to move to DMs? I want to have my thread be about my days before the end. Thanks

Yeah I'll pm you in a bit sorry for taking the thread up

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Day 3: how is this caring?

I woke up and the garden manager had messaged me.

He told me it's urgent and he'll come visit. But it was at 8. I wasn't awake then. I changed my alarm for 8:50 because college said to come in later.

I obviously knew he wanted to talk about my suicide attempt at his garden. Someone had let him know. Tragic. I pretended it was something else, something he needed help with. To feel like he actually cared about me.

He told me to call him instead. Why would I? I told him okay. And waited. I assumed he'd be by at 8 but oh well.

I had my breakfast of apple and banana. Got some food for college to share.

I listened to here comes a thought and went on my way.

The forest trail entrance from the canal side was blocked by construction people, so I went to through the forest instead.

I said hi to the receptionist. Got some water and went upstairs. Not looking at the teacher.

I came in and sat down, checked my cookie clicker. Checked my email. The teacher didn't give ne a reply that was barley worth sending all my pain. Wow.

I did some work and went to grab lunch.

I hummed on the trip to lunch and back. The mario world map theme, I think?

I started feeling worse and worse. I had my yummy meal deal, of chicken and mushroom noodles with BBQ hoops and choccy milk.

I like choccy milk.

Still no response from the teacher. R.i.p

The bandaid on my toe fell off. (-1 defense)

I watched Grief on YouTube (he does recap video of horror stuff, I like him) I found the song Home - KillMeKatie through him. I suggest taking a listen.

Eventually the teacher came in and he did previously throughout the day but he didn't acknowledge my existence. It hurt.

He stayed to help another student and it didn't feel good to feel like a ghost so I went home with the food I brought. No one tried it. He didn't even acknowledge my existence still.

I walked to the garden after dropping the food off at home.

I walked past S and tried getting my pass. But he told me I wasn't allowed in anymore. "Well damn. That's balls."

He told me to walk and talk, but then he barley said anything and left me alone to get another person. A complete stranger. The stranger told me I couldn't come back anymore and that they wished they could help and are concerned.

I started writing down what I was experiencing. So my future self can look back on it and hold no doubt when he ends himself:

He didn't bother saying anything. He's standing and looking around. He has someone else talking for him.

And then he left. He said bye. Wow.

Passing by one last time and he doesn't even reach out.

He only cares about his job. Not the friend I tried to be, not the card I made for him, not the food I made for him, not the jokes. Nothing I did was enough. What a friend he was.

"Urgent" he said. He looked at me like nothing but a ghost.

He'd rather listen to people that don't respect him.

Fuck you.

And yet, when I'm going end it all. I'll still send a message to him.

I walked off in shambles, I wanted to kick and punch something. I kept calm and collected like the queen I am when I was there. But god what a dick.

So I eventually went home and forgot that he still has my stuff at the garden. He left some of it outside but forgot to get the rest.

I went to the GP. Got a boring appointment about my depression. Walked home. Walked back to the garden to get my helmet and nail polish. Tomorrow I'll get my wellies and sunflowers.

I messaged him later to ask about one more thing:

Conversation with S (garden manager):

Me: Also, what is thy email?

Me: Also, to clarify. I'm perma-banned? Fr fr?

Me: You could've just messaged that

S: Yes, I'm afraid so. You're not very well, and your actions meant that I couldn't keep it between us - the garden and school is a safe space for children. That is my first responsibility.

Reply to: You could've just messaged that
S: That would've been a dick move

S: I'm not angry at you or disappointed or anything. I am sad that you cant come back, and I am very worried about you.

- Fin~

Nice to know that. But has he bothered saying anything else to me. I didn't even ask if he was disappointed in me. The way he looked at me when he was just standing around saying nothing and having someone else speak for me. Yeah. That sure looked like "worry" and not "I couldn't care less" what a dick move to have someone else talk to me about their "concerns"

See. He isn't gonna bother reaching out further. To try and even be human with me. What a dick.

He's pushed me onto someone else. That isn't care. Fuck you.

I messed up again. But it doesn't feel like that and it doesn't feel bad. I understood that on Tuesday. He doesn't care about me.

Anyway. I came home and ate food. Started collecting emails of the people I want to email when I eventually say bye forever. Sad that piece of shit will hear me at my ending.

Played more tomodachi life. Need to add new people. Keep on trying to make my mii and ths teachers mii be friends. I know. Sad.

Smosh in the background playing. I like tntl. Damien Haas is a hot man.

Met some nice people on here.

Drift away from Steven Universe is the music for the day. Because that's what happened to me today.

I'm gonna go eat noodles and look through Reddit.

Goodnight, sweet friends.