Venting cutting

[v0wkeeper]

the thought of cutting and cutting myself hurts me even more.

everytime i get the thoughts of cutting myself is after something terrible happens to me or i just remember events from the past that still bother to me this day. having to remember the past sickens me to the core and i wish there was some sort of drug to make me forget it all, but its whatever, im planning to end it sooner or later.

having to actually cut myself without using to numb myself just sucks and i wish i could buy some lidocaine but im too lazy, i havent left my house in a week but im planning to soon, next week hopefully or tomorrow. and having to cut in a spot where nobody else would notice just makes me even more anxious. i just hate how everytime i need to use paper towels to cover the blood and the guilt right after cutting just makes me feel more sad than before.

anyone else feel the same? sorry if this feels like a rant more than anything i just dont know how to feel about myself anymore.

 

[cyanidekitty]

i dont exactly feel the same as its more so calming for me but i hope you can pick up something healthier to help you cope :((

 

[broken serenity]

I've got some first aid stuff and enjoy the self care of disinfecting and bandaids.

It still feels sad to me sometimes, but I accept it's where I'm at right now and that I might stop again soon. Judging myself over it won't make me change magically.