Method CTB tomorrow

[Snowstorm99]

Hello everyone,

I'm kinda bad with responding but life has never been anything for me. The cards I've been dealt with were pretty bad, though an outsider might think I had a pretty good life. Honestly, my life up until 3 years ago was meh. Not horrible, not great. Since then a lot of things happened to me mentally that destroyed everything. Financially, health-wise and mentally. All came crashing down. Every year off the last 3-4 years I thought I couldn't get any lower, but the following years always got worse.

I have all things set and ready. I'm going to use Oxycodone with benzos and a bit of alcohol if needed. I planned on doing it at home but I'm not alone and due to possible choking sounds or gurgling I decided against it. Home was only the option for if it doesn't work and I vomit too much that I can jump out of the window. 5th floor (I know bad idea). Now I'm going to somewhere enclosed secluded where I won't be found for at least 1,5 days (minimum).

I got the following:
400mg oxycodone (5x80mg)
20mg of Xanax

Original plan is:
240mg oxycodone crushed up with a shot of vodka
20mg of Xanax

If I do vomit I'll take the remaining 160mg of oxycodone and lay on my back until I fall asleep (hopefully quickly).

I have never taken any opioids before and only taken the Xanax a few times. I won't have eaten or had anything to drink for at least 10 hours. I would have liked to get some antiemetics but the time has unfortunately come.

I hope everyone in here find peace and either a good and happy life or a quick and easy death. I kinda hope there nothingness afterwards but you can never be sure. Hopefully I will respond to some of y'all but I ain't really like that because I'm alone in this life always.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace.

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find peace

 

[Snowstorm99]

I hope you find peace.

Thanks, I hope you are happy and healthy. Life can be really beautiful. I want to live but should have seen a psychiatrist a decade ago. I'm in my mid 20s. Too much damage is done and unrepairable. As said, really hope you can live a good life. Should really just get good circle of people and as small amount of digital stuff in your life and live the simple but old way.

good luck, I hope you find peace

Thanks, as said above I don't know where you're at but if any of my message can help you live a decent enough and happy life then I'll be happy. Hope you can find true happiness with a healthy body and healthy mind.

Thanks!
Maybe I can add stuff if anyone even cares.

I got no friends. Yes none. I work a job. Get home, play video games (Rocket league or Minecraft), eat, watch YouTube and then go to sleep. Every single day is just recycling. I'm socially just not fitting at all. My job is meh.

I love to listen to music. Mostly Juice Wrld, sometimes xxxtentacion and then when I had my phase of thinking I can get my life together I just listen to 2010s hits.

I do watch YouTube, a lot of true crime and just EWU, Midwest Safety and stuff like that. Shockingly the videos i find more interesting in those categories are the ones where at least someone is dead. Kinda crazy no? Cause in my head I'm happy to see someone's suffering end I guess?

Always thought I lived in the wrong decade. I would have loved to be born in the 60s. Way cooler and much more fitting for me.

uhm other than that I have watched way to many gore videos of all kinds of categories. Anything you can think of I have probably seen.

I also never go outside besides when I need to work. You'd also think if I play video games so much that I would have discord and have soo many people on there to chat to…you'd be wrong. If anyone wants to chat maybe I can answer anything but I will go to bed soon and then once I wake up i might have 1 hour before I will take my pills.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the freedom you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[praythestars]

Careful. One of the very first times I took opioids I was barely 14 (week of my bday) and easily took around 240mg throughout the day if not more. It was like 7-10 30s and was fine but did start fading out and asked gf to watch me for a few hours towards the end of the night.

With the Xanax and taking it all at once it might be different.

 

[geepeedee]

hope it works out for you. may you find peace.

 

[Aflame5926]

have a good journey. hope your soul get the rest is needs and deserve. have a good one

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Wish you the best and hope your sould finds rest and peace

 

[Snowstorm99]

I hope you find the freedom you search for, I wish you the best.

Thank you very much. I think it's my time and I deserve it.

Careful. One of the very first times I took opioids I was barely 14 (week of my bday) and easily took around 240mg throughout the day if not more. It was like 7-10 30s and was fine but did start fading out and asked gf to watch me for a few hours towards the end of the night.

With the Xanax and taking it all at once it might be different.

Thing is no one is gonna watch me. Empty stomach and 2nd available if I vomit while awake.

hope it works out for you. may you find peace.

Thanks I hope so to. I appreciate it.

have a good journey. hope your soul get the rest is needs and deserve. have a good one

Thanks you too.

Wish you the best and hope your sould finds rest and peace

Thanks you too.
Thanks for all the responses. As I said above. I hope all of you find a good way to keep living as life is really beautiful. You just gotta make some right decisions which I did not. I've just woken up. I got a couple more hours in me before I start taking my pills. Couple of hours to get my thoughts straight and think about the stuff I loved. Maybe if there is an afterlife I can talk to a few important people and get answers to some questions I have. If not that's fine by me. I hope my end journey will be somewhat painless with falling asleep quickly, though nothing is guaranteed. I really wish I could have stayed alive and lived this life to the fullest but everyone's time will come and mine has arrived sadly. I wanted to do a lot more in this life but as soon as the pain is gone I'm fine with it. I hope with writing this I can maybe give someone in a similar position a different perspective. I will give some updates later on as well when crushing the pills and taking them. As for notes for my family I haven't done any. My mother knows why I'm struggling but doesn't think I will do it.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Thank you very much. I think it's my time and I deserve it.


Thing is no one is gonna watch me. Empty stomach and 2nd available if I vomit while awake.


Thanks I hope so to. I appreciate it.


Thanks you too.


Thanks you too.
Thanks for all the responses. As I said above. I hope all of you find a good way to keep living as life is really beautiful. You just gotta make some right decisions which I did not. I've just woken up. I got a couple more hours in me before I start taking my pills. Couple of hours to get my thoughts straight and think about the stuff I loved. Maybe if there is an afterlife I can talk to a few important people and get answers to some questions I have. If not that's fine by me. I hope my end journey will be somewhat painless with falling asleep quickly, though nothing is guaranteed. I really wish I could have stayed alive and lived this life to the fullest but everyone's time will come and mine has arrived sadly. I wanted to do a lot more in this life but as soon as the pain is gone I'm fine with it. I hope with writing this I can maybe give someone in a similar position a different perspective. I will give some updates later on as well when crushing the pills and taking them. As for notes for my family I haven't done any. My mother knows why I'm struggling but doesn't think I will do it.

Good luck and hope your method works for you in a peaceful manner, if there's an afterlife maybe I'll see you there

 

[Snowstorm99]

Alrighty. Heading to my place now. Got maybe 1-1,5 hours left. Keeping this updated. Feeling kinda nervous but ready to go.
Im about to take it. Couldn't really crush the oxycodone. Gonna chew it then take the Xanax. Farewell if I never text again. Hopefully.
———
Took it. Heart is pumping a bit. Was kinda hard to chew but I got it.
———
fingers are shaking and I can barely type. Might lay down. With pillow or without. I'm unsure.
—————-
~ 5 mins after taking it. Heart had been racing but now is getting a bit slower. My mind is starting to relax a little.

 

[darksouls]

Alrighty. Heading to my place now. Got maybe 1-1,5 hours left. Keeping this updated. Feeling kinda nervous but ready to go.
Im about to take it. Couldn't really crush the oxycodone. Gonna chew it then take the Xanax. Farewell if I never text again. Hopefully.
———
Took it. Heart is pumping a bit. Was kinda hard to chew but I got it.
———
fingers are shaking and I can barely type. Might lay down. With pillow or without. I'm unsure.

best of luck and safe travels

 

[Snowstorm99]

5~ mins after. My arms are loosing strength it feels. I'm lying on my back holding my phone in the air typing and it's kinda hard

best of luck and safe travels

God I hope so. I can feel my heart getting fairly slow now. I'll try to stay on for a couple more minutes maybe but again my arms feel like giving up
———
7:5:3 am for me.

How long until I take the remaining oxycodone if I don't go to sleep. Maybe 10 mins since I took it and not feeling crazy much. I crushed it. Or should I wait at least 30 minutes?
———-
7:56
Relax. Lying on back looking at the wall with open eyes. No real thoughts. Gonna take more oxy if I'm awake by 8:30. love you all and with the best for you but it seems i might still be able to chat a bit. But who knows
———-
8:02 am

Took the remaining Xanax like 5mg as well. Now I still have the oxy 160mg left just in case. Definitely starting to feel the oxy.

Slow thought process
Walking (to get the Xanax) was kinda hard
Little bit confused at times
Relaxed

If I now just go to sleep and die this will be 10/10. so far no complaints other than it could have been quicker but oh well.

Love and big hugs
——-
8:06

Slowly getting the feeling of nodding off. Should I take at least 1 more 80mg of oxy or rather wait if I wake up?
——-
also gonna listen one last time to save me by xxxtentacion and some juice wrld maybe flaws and sins

If anyone cares ;)
———-
8-12 am
Sleepy 7.5/10
Relaxed 8.5/10
Could nodd off any moment. Hard time writing this cause my eyes are not focusing and it seems my phone is spinning.

Love to you all. This might be my last message though I would love to share more. So far painless but I don't know if will I succeed.

Gonna listen to juice now. And maybe fall asleep. The world is fucked but most of not all people here are the goof people. Thanks for visiting my thread and even interacting.
———
8-17

Almost gone. I can barely stay awake. My eyes are cooled when trying to write anything. Is thisbreamly it. Can infer lucky once in my life my I pray . Thanks flrnstixlong around this might be it. I'm pretty sure lll dells asleep now.

See you all's on athe other sideyy

Much leider

Experience wise it was a blast so far my nothing to be mad about. If it now turns fatal on my sleep literlynyS
—————-
8-26
Barely able to walk
Very confused but still relaxed
Now I will try to focus to fall asleepy. If that does not happen by 8:40 I'm taking another oxy. Felle like I could sleep but I haven't because I wanted some music. Having extreme difficulty balancing, walking and writing on my phones even looking at my phone is hardY

Much love
Also irching started. Pretty much m whole umtopfe blows masmssssmsssA

Good nigiriS

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Feel better tomorrow!!!

 

[Snowstorm99]

1——-
wound up st 2-56 pm and dd
Ddbdryfgknf is Shayem.. forts take the rest yay oxycodone. I feel like shit

 

[darksouls]

1——-
wound up st 2-56 pm and dd
Ddbdryfgknf is Shayem.. forts take the rest yay oxycodone. I feel like shit

I am so sorry sending much love