suistore
Member
- Apr 17, 2026
- 27
I spent the last two days with the boy I love and it has been magical. I've never felt so happy in my life. We got dinner 2 days ago and yesterday into this morning we spent the night in a cabin. He left me around 8am, and I've been feeling very depressed since. He says he will see me again at some point but he has no idea when. While I was with him, I found myself wondering whether I should stay alive just to see him again, but I think I just need to be happy with what I have. I couldn't ask for a more perfect experience leading up to my death.
I got home at 8am and have spent most of the day asleep. I'm a bit worried about what might happen if I end up CTB tonight, I lied to my family and told them I was going camping with my friends, but I was actually with my love, whom my family doesn't know about. If they investigate my death, I'm worried that they will try to ask my friends if they noticed anything about me when we were camping, but my friends were not there. On the other hand, if I leave a note admitting to the fact that I wasn't with them so as to not get them involved, they may try to investigate my love, and I really really do not want him to get in trouble. I'll figure it out somehow I guess.
Anyway, my current plan is to do PSH after my family goes to bed so there will be slim chance of anyone saving me. In my mind it is impossible for me to imagine waking up tomorrow and going to work. I just want to live in this ecstasy for today and then die. I do feel bad about having to wait until nighttime, I'll end up leaving my coworker alone in the morning with no warning, but I can't feel too terrible. I just want to go. I have to do it tonight, I want to do it before life becomes boring again. I really want this perfect end.
I got home at 8am and have spent most of the day asleep. I'm a bit worried about what might happen if I end up CTB tonight, I lied to my family and told them I was going camping with my friends, but I was actually with my love, whom my family doesn't know about. If they investigate my death, I'm worried that they will try to ask my friends if they noticed anything about me when we were camping, but my friends were not there. On the other hand, if I leave a note admitting to the fact that I wasn't with them so as to not get them involved, they may try to investigate my love, and I really really do not want him to get in trouble. I'll figure it out somehow I guess.
Anyway, my current plan is to do PSH after my family goes to bed so there will be slim chance of anyone saving me. In my mind it is impossible for me to imagine waking up tomorrow and going to work. I just want to live in this ecstasy for today and then die. I do feel bad about having to wait until nighttime, I'll end up leaving my coworker alone in the morning with no warning, but I can't feel too terrible. I just want to go. I have to do it tonight, I want to do it before life becomes boring again. I really want this perfect end.
