Courage

[Zanmato]

Courage.
We all know that the phrase "Suicide is the easy way" is completely wrong.
I don't know how many people on this website, but I'm still here because I still don't have it enough.
So, do you think you will ever have it, someday?
When do you think we will say: "It's really enough" and ctb for good?

 

[TAW122]

I think "courage" in the sense to overcome one's own SI (survival instinct) or self-preservation instinct varies from individual to individual. I can only speak for myself, but I recall that as far back as 2019, I definitely felt like I had the "courage" to metaphorically and literally pull the trigger, my heart, my mind, and emotions were all in unison. I even went as far as to plan out my CTB to a pinpoint accuracy; where, when, how, every single detail including the supposed date that I would go and CTB in. Fortunately, in 2019 things went well enough for me to stave off CTB past 2019, but nowadays I regret not going through with it because now with all the changes in my life circumstances, things suck quite a bit more and I don't have easy access to my methods due to my living arrangement and situation (still biding my time and waiting for that 'window' of opportunity to CTB when it comes).

Though with that said, ultimately, it is up to the individual as each person's circumstances are different and how much courage is different for each person. I think only you can answer that question as only the individual themselves know about how much courage one has.

 

[PinkChubbyBunny]

Yeah, it requires an immense amount of power to go through with it. Lucky ones who never knew the pain we all are living with have no idea how hard it is to commit.
Even when you are at your lowest, your brain is still trying to reason it's way out of it. "What if things get better? What if something changes?". Well, not for me, not anymore.

I'm at a point when I had enough. It simply is impossible for things to change for me now. Literally, 0% chance. This world lost all meaning and there's no one who can stop me now.
The only thing is that I just don't want it to be painful. I've had enough pain both physical and mental. Can I at least die peacefully?

Soon I'll get my hands on the drug of my choosing and I'll be on my way out of this misery.

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I'm always wishing I had the option to just painlessly free myself from this existence, I wish it's straightforward to just be gone but of course I continue to suffer in this existence instead and I'm always so tired of it all. To me it feels so cruel and horrible how I cannot just have a death like never waking again, I'd personally always prefer to not exist than to prolong this suffering just to end up way more tortured and tormented but of course I wish I never suffered at all.

 

[coffeebeany]

I agree. To fight SI and have the courage seems harder that I anticipated. I don't know what to call my strategy but I have been trying to constantly familiarize myself with every step of the process (SN) in my mind. I imagine every step and possible sensations. I try to prepare my mind and body for the situation and kind of trick my brain if that makes sense (ofc don't know if that's how it works or possible). But I feel like the more I do it the less nervous I feel. Well we will see how well that works once the day of my ctb has come.

 

[ZeroM24]

It feels near. I hope I can one day just do it when I wake up and my brain cant handle living any longer. I feel so pathetic for wishing for something so desperately that I have total control of and could have done years ago. It makes no sense

 

[TimetoGo!]

Courage.
We all know that the phrase "Suicide is the easy way" is completely wrong.
I don't know how many people on this website, but I'm still here because I still don't have it enough.
So, do you think you will ever have it, someday?
When do you think we will say: "It's really enough" and ctb for good?

I really hope I find it soon because life is simply unbearable.

It has to happen in the very near future.