Venting considering cutting but knowing i don't have that willpower.

[Unstable]

everybody owns knives i feel like, someone close said if i rlly wanted to die id stab myself because pain doesnt matter if u are gonna die anyway. but knives scare me, i dont like pain, ive tried cutting my wrist til i get to an artery it just doesnt work for me. it hurts, like really bad, i think i may have sensory issues but it feels like your vein is constantly touching ice and stinging, it has that weird feeling of when u touch ice for too long but not numbing or anything. it sucked healing and still left a scar (although i didnt make a very long cut lol) and stabbing my throat? i think thats out of the question... it's messy.. it would be a lot of suffering and i know id get so uncomfortable from that.. stabbing my carotid arteries? what happens if i miss/stab the wrong thing, leaves a scar and leaves me screwed up for the rest of my life?

i guess this could also be a warning post for others thinking of it but i am again because of that comment. i dont want another scar to my collection on my body but what does it matter if im dead. it's dramatic, and i enjoy my own blood for some reason. not the pain ofc that comes with it though. if i made a cut and kept cutting it over time, maybe it would get deep enough for that. i believe its a non method too, which makes sense. i wish i had easier ways, i wish i could prove to people that i do want to die and i would do it, i just dont think it should be so painful and long.. i dont have access to most of these methods and hanging feels super scary and i doubt i could even do it right or find a place proper to anchor it. if i had a gun i would not hesitate to run off somewhere away from my house and shoot it, at least it doesnt take you continuously slicing yourself with all of that pain, it's only a quick moment before id be gone..

 

[WallTermite]

Follow your instincts, Do NOT cut yourself. It's painful, hard to do, and can lead to complications. Also, some people accidentally cut tendons when trying to hit an artery.

It isn't the worst thing ever I guess. Because artist Avicii did it that way. He slammed a broken glass bottle against his neck and died. He was drunk tho.

These things are never easy...

 

[hippiedeath]

I understand the pain of wanting out and there seems to be no way out. Right now I'm doing ok, not actually planning ctb actively. Life is really painful. Everyone tries to tell you what to do. No one knows anything though. I tend to stay home a lot and sleep. Its just so daunting trying to succeed in life anymore.

I hope you balance out and find a good way to ease the pain.

 

[Unstable]

Follow your instincts, Do NOT cut yourself. It's painful, hard to do, and can lead to complications. Also, some people accidentally cut tendons when trying to hit an artery.

It isn't the worst thing ever I guess. Because artist Avicii did it that way. He slammed a broken glass bottle against his neck and died. He was drunk tho.

These things are never easy...

damn i had no clue abt that but yea never rlly is man :/

I understand the pain of wanting out and there seems to be no way out. Right now I'm doing ok, not actually planning ctb actively. Life is really painful. Everyone tries to tell you what to do. No one knows anything though. I tend to stay home a lot and sleep. Its just so daunting trying to succeed in life anymore.

I hope you balance out and find a good way to ease the pain.

thnk you, appreciate it i do the same honestly