Conflicted - Need Someone to Chat With

[SickNSad2024]

I joined about a month ago...I said last month I was going to CBT...I took about 20 pills but I guess it wasn't enough. I am just conflicted about taking too many, resulting in brain damage. I ended up in the ER, fell asleep and was hospitalized for about a week. Any time I drove to work, I would cut myself in the wrists at the stop lights, because I fidget a lot...and I was trying to feel something other than numbness. The cuts didn't look like much the first 2 days, they looked like I had an allergic reaction...but by the 3rd day, they definitely looked like I got attacked by a wild animal. I am not sure if being at the hospital did much for me other than it allowed me time to allow my mind to shut down and not stress about anything. All I had to do was eat the meals that were provided, get enough sleep and the cycle continues. There would be a few voluntary group sessions about sharing positive thoughts, emotions, and goals. I got along with most of the other patients...and most of us got out at the same time. I created a group chat to continue the emotional support and to encourage each other to reach out if any one of us were to have negative thoughts...but it hasn't been utilized a lot. I understand everyone is going through something and need their alone time to sort things out...but I could really use someone to talk to...I constantly feel lost and feel like I am experiencing an existential crisis. I want to CBT because I don't know what purpose I serve anymore. I'm too afraid to leave though because I'm afraid of pain and failure. Can anyone relate?

 

[LifeQuitter]

Yes, especially to the existential crisis and feeling no purpose because life is ultimately pointless.

I'm just waiting to die but too scared to attempt because I don't what happens after death.

 

[Fuko1]

Completely agree. When a moment comes in your life that you feel that your life goals or objectives have failed, you feel sunk and with strong pain that paralyzes you from doing anything.