StrawberryRed
🌺🌺
- Oct 16, 2024
- 68
I honestly feel like there like smth wrong w me or like I lack smth everyone else has. Atleast in terms of drive or care ig. Like w college majors for example. I used to want to do a more " useless" major but switched to a "better" one that I still liked to appease my parents. I literally couldnt have cared less if I end up unemployed after college cause of my major. If my career path doesnt work out and I end up regretting my choice I would just kill myself tbh. All those employability stats mean nothing to me because if things go that bad, I mean suicide is always an option. Waying living long w a successful career vs dying, it just feels the same to me. Like... I dont understand the big deal. Or I saw this post online about how people treat disabilities. There was a comment basically saying that people should stop assuming all disabled people are miserable, and that if they were really that miserable they would just kts, that they can obviously decide for themselves if their lives were worth living. I agreed and thought this was obvious but all the replies were sooooo mad. Idk man I didnt see the big deal. People hate talking about suicide like it's not at all an option. Even when I'm not depressed the thought of dying doesnt distress me at all and it's always an option. Or like people saying recently saying that if they were in a apocalypse they would kts, like... duh. What else would I do????? I thought everybody thought that. II've always been kinda morbid ig but its only recently that I recognized how differently I think. A couple weeks ago, a whole section of my school was randomly blocked off in the middle of the day , no one knew why. I was talking to a friend and put out a theory that maybe somebody had died unexpectedly and that was why. She looked at me like I grew 2 heads and quickly changed the subject. Same with depression, same friend, I casually mentioned I used to be depressed like 2 years ago and she looked so uncomfortable. Like I told her I was terminal or smthn. I just dont get it man... were all going to die. Like it has to happen someway. Im not trying to be emo or like edgy. I feel like I'm crazy but I just dont see the big deal idk.
