Hello i am highly desperated, my suffering is becoming unbearable. I am 22m, have bowel problems (sth like ibs) since 5 years, chronic daily tension headaches for 14 months, and quite advanced hairloss for my age. Since 11 days i also started getting pain around my genitals and pelvic area which does not seem to go away despitie an antibiotic. I was seeking help with countless of doctors, all of them are shit useless. I am 100% sure they wont help me with anything since they did nothing that helps for years. It seems like my only option is to kms because i cant live like this anymore, everytime i hear music that reminds me of something pleasant or i think about my past self i start to cry. I am considering hanging (partial or full, i have a great situation in terms of where to do it), SN (its easily accesible where i live, minumim 96 percent), but i have no idea how to acquire meto, because i am not able to lie, i was really honest my whole life. My third option is head-on crash with a truck, i have a small car and with adequate speed it should work, but i dont want to hurt anyone seriously or end up in criminal. The last possibility is to run a cold engine in closed garagge (my car is fiat punto 2006, so i dont know if it'll be enough, but i have a good place to do it also). Please help me, would should i do? At the moment i am thinking of hanging, but i am so scared of the act (but i thing 2-3 pills of tramadol should ease the SI) that i will fuck something up and suffer or get a permanent damage. SN also sounds good, but i would really struggle with getting meto or any other antiemetic. Guys, please...
darksouls
Enlightened
- May 10, 2025
- 1,811
I am so sorry you are suffering so much, that all sounds very cruel,
however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you deserve
however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you deserve
im sorry...i hope you find peace whatever that means. im going to do fsh tomorrow...pain is mental but debilitating
WornOutLife
マット
- Mar 22, 2020
- 7,168
Heart-breaking.
Wish I could give you a hug right now.
I highly recommend you check the forum resources before attempting anything.
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
Love,
Matt
Wish I could give you a hug right now.
I highly recommend you check the forum resources before attempting anything.
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
Love,
Matt
I'm also so sorry you are suffering so much! I completely understand the urge to put a permanent end to your suffering.
I am wondering if you have ever been to a rheumatologist because the variety of symptoms and conditions you describe certainly sound like it they may be autoimmune in nature. A rheumatologist was absolutely my best doctor and helped considerably with pain. The bladder and genital symptoms you are having make me curious if anyone has ever mentioned interstitial cystitis. If you haven't already tried lidocaine ointment on those areas, it may be helpful. It has been for me but of course you may have already been there and done that without relief. Also, prednisone can have nasty side effects for some people but I feel my best while on it.
My physical pain has been minimized a great deal with medicine and I just wanted to share that the right medical care might truly help. My mental health on the other hand continues to be a struggle, regardless of the many meds I have tried. For that reason, I do share in your desire to ctb. I hope you can find peace and end your suffering, whichever way you choose.
I am wondering if you have ever been to a rheumatologist because the variety of symptoms and conditions you describe certainly sound like it they may be autoimmune in nature. A rheumatologist was absolutely my best doctor and helped considerably with pain. The bladder and genital symptoms you are having make me curious if anyone has ever mentioned interstitial cystitis. If you haven't already tried lidocaine ointment on those areas, it may be helpful. It has been for me but of course you may have already been there and done that without relief. Also, prednisone can have nasty side effects for some people but I feel my best while on it.
My physical pain has been minimized a great deal with medicine and I just wanted to share that the right medical care might truly help. My mental health on the other hand continues to be a struggle, regardless of the many meds I have tried. For that reason, I do share in your desire to ctb. I hope you can find peace and end your suffering, whichever way you choose.
6 years ago it seemed that i had everything except for normal family, but i thought i would push through, it didnt matter much for me. I am even a medical student, took a break for a year hoping things will improve. But its only getting worse. My body is a prison and it stopped me from doing anything and being myself
claracatchingthebus
Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
- Jun 22, 2025
- 521
Have you tested your water? I would get a water pitcher with filter because some of what you are mentioning sounds like symptoms of heavy metal or pollutants.(Please get one leaving no particulates; if you need help with researching you can message me.) Slightly elevated levels of certain chemicals can cause all sorts of unusual symptoms, including hair loss, feeling sick, headaches. It sort of may fit, but it doesn't meant that's the cause.
There are water filters out there that will take out all contaminants of water, and if you get one, just also buy a flouride rinse, because flouride, despite having some bad aspects, really prevents dental decay.
Did you get a general lab panel and was everything within the normal range?
Are you eating things like yogurt and raw fruits occasionally or is it all highly processed food?
I would also consider going somewhere else for a period and seeing if you feel better. "Sick building" syndrome, in which an old building that is poorly built causes sickness, is sometimes a real thing, and environmental toxins sometimes can be real. If you go visit a different place for a few weeks and feel better, then it may be environmental toxins.
Also, are you using drugs? Have you done a complete allergy panel? (I ask about drugs because if you vape, the heavy metals from that might result in the symptoms you are describing and other drug use sometimes results in bizarre symptoms.)
Do you have an unusual features (ie, extremely long legs or extremely flexible joints)? I am also wondering if it could be a genetic condition, but a doctor probably would have noticed it, some genetic conditions have subtle features.
Where do you live (NOT EXACTLY) but more like "middle of the country" or "suburbs" etc? I traveled for a while and was shocked at the difference in water pollution levels between different places, especially near farms with pesticide runoffs. I am mostly wondering if you are likely to be near environmental contamination.
I completely believe you and something is wrong, what you are describing isn't normal.
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yeah doctors r fuckheads that will shrug their shoulders and say "good luck" if your condition isnt some copy+paste thing they were taught in med school. try your hardest to fix it but if not, than you can at least tell yourself before you ctb that you tried everything. ive been dealing with my issue for 5 years, tried everything- and because of that, i finally have the mental clarity and confidence to make the decision to end my suffering as i have ruled out any other possibel solution. you will find that doing so is very comforting for the mind. chronic pain is a bitch and theres no reason you should have to live your life in suffering and a disadvantage while others get to experience and benfeit from a more privileged existence. wish you the best of luck on your journey, cheers
I only drink bottled water, never tap. No, i dont use drugs, recetnly started to use tramadol+dexketoprofen which is the only thing that eases the pain for a while and makes me feel better. I live in the eu, 120 km from the capital, in small town
claracatchingthebus
Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
- Jun 22, 2025
- 521
Did you have normal labs then?
Did you test for unusual heavy metal counts? Did you test your water for contaminants?
Did you test for things like gluten intolerance? (like Celiac Disease)
Is there any environmental exposure you have that's unusual?
Your symptoms line up with accidental heavy metal poisoning at very low levels. Are you taking mega-doses of vitamins like B-12 (which is often sold in consumer products with low amounts of cyanide as part of the B-12 molocule)?
Have you lived in the same city for the entire duration of feeling sick?
I really feel like if you are living in the same house/room/city for the past 6 years, you should try to visit somewhere with fresh air that's different and see if the same problems occur to rule out environmental contamination (like mold), which can be hard to pin point down. It could also be an autoimmune disease or inflammatory problem. I wish I could chat with you more to know what you tested.
I'm guessing you've done a typical panel to test for vitamin deficiencies.
Probably a good doctor has already done an allergy panel, vitamin panel, general panel (testing the normal stuff). It's unlikely you've tested your water. It's unlikely there have been tests on whether you have high heavy metal levels (like Cadmium or Lead). I doubt you have tested a complete environment change to rule out all environmental toxins.
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Do you guys think SN is possible without meto? My only idea is to tell a my grandmother's doctor that she has nausea and vomiting quite often and i know that meto could work. Its my only idea how to aquire it, but as i sad, i've always been extremely honest and dont know if i can do it
Yes, all labs normal despite very low dao enzyme and vitamin D deficiency. Ive undergone almost all test possible in terms of gi symptoms, almost everything in terms of headaches. These retarted doctors have no idea whats going on. In terms of my recent issues, which are the most unpleasant for me now, i had ultrasounds and urine tests, no clear answers as always. Its impossible to be treated if i dont know whats the cause. But i am starting to doubt lab tests, for example for celiac disease, because i did a test for cat allergy which came baxk negative and i am 100%sure that i have a reaction to him, few minuts after touching him a feel my nose being so itchy as well as the throat
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spero_meliora
In hope for better things.
- Jan 13, 2025
- 227
@claracatchingthebus has brought up good points - bloods from six years ago aren't valid anymore, you should probably have a full panel done if you want to figure out what's wrong with you and give yourself a chance. obviously I am not sure of exactly what your situation is, but it sounds like you could have more serious inflammatory bowel disease (think Crohn's or ulcerative colitis), an autoimmune disorder, or even a hormone imbalance. sometimes these are easily fixable or manageable.
I'm sorry doctors have failed you to this point.
to answer your other question, technically it is possible without metoclopramide, but it will be uncomfortable and you are extremely likely to vomit.
I'm sorry doctors have failed you to this point.
to answer your other question, technically it is possible without metoclopramide, but it will be uncomfortable and you are extremely likely to vomit.
claracatchingthebus
Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
- Jun 22, 2025
- 521
Did you test for environmental toxins too? Did you take Vitamin D supplements?
Is it possible the cat is causing an ongoing allergic reaction? Like the cat has mites you can't see, they are in the carpet and it rarely gets cleaned, and you keep having an allergic reaction to it?
Have you ever just been somewhere completely different for a few weeks and started to feel better?
Do you live in an old building? Have you tested your water?
This really seems like it could be an environmental reaction, and like if you just go somewhere else for a month, do nothing, and feel better, than it can confirm that's more likely.
I really hope you don't commit suicide and can figure out what this medical issue is. It seems like if you had an answer to what is causing the bizarre cluster of symptoms, then you wouldn't be suicidal.
At least please test your water, get a water filtering pitcher, take your Vitamin D, and if that doesn't help, at least try going to a different environment for like a month and just seeing if the symptoms abate. This does not sound like an endogenous disease, but it could be, and seems more likely that your body doesn't like something or something is reacting poorly with your system and you keep getting exposed to it. Can you go like camping for 2 weeks and see if you start to feel better or go somewhere near nature?
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spero_meliora
In hope for better things.
- Jan 13, 2025
- 227
that makes me think even more for IBD. Low diamine oxidase can be genetic or drug induced, but it can also be from inflammatory bowel disease. it also causes a lot of your symptoms.
besides stomach symptoms, it would cause hypotension, hives and itching, flushing, migraines, dizziness, random swelling and issues breathing... personally I would try to focus on solving that.
(edit: bless you @claracatchingthebus for working with me here and trying to possibly solve the mystery.)
I had labs done quite recently. I had few colonoscopies and gastroscopies, no signs of crohn's and uc. My biggest concerns now are the headaches and prostate/urinary probleme. I used topicsl finasteride for 3 days, i gave it a try and the symptoms appeared then, but its almost two weeks without it and it didnt get better. I feel sexual functions are not impaired but the pain...
claracatchingthebus
Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
- Jun 22, 2025
- 521
Also, I don't know if you kept getting exposed to slightly higher levels or tin or rust or pollutants that it would immediately show up in a typical panel. If you're in your 20s, and fighting it off, it could just look slightly off, a lot of stuff like that isn't specifically tested for in a general panel.
You keep not answering whether you live in a new or old building and whether the water has been tested and whether you live somewhere like Iowa that's near farm runoff and has water that's sometimes filled with pesticides.
When I was traveling, some places I stayed had water that was 400X more polluted than in other areas. Environmental contaminants are real.
Heavy metal poisoning or toxic exposure (in the environment) could lead to hair loss, unusual pain, and a cluster of bizarre symptoms.
You keep not answering whether you live in a new or old building and whether the water has been tested and whether you live somewhere like Iowa that's near farm runoff and has water that's sometimes filled with pesticides.
When I was traveling, some places I stayed had water that was 400X more polluted than in other areas. Environmental contaminants are real.
spero_meliora
In hope for better things.
- Jan 13, 2025
- 227
that fucking sucks that you still feel the pain after that... they're not fun but I'd recommend a prostate exam, urinalysis culture, and probably a pelvic ultrasound. if you've had those tests done btw and nothing like Crohn's or UC showed up, then you most likely do have IBS. sorry if this is annoying you btw, just trying to help.
I think its quite old building, mbe 40 years or so. I dont think that my area is extraordinarily polluted, its in central-eastern poland. Didnt get the water tested
claracatchingthebus
Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
- Jun 22, 2025
- 521
10 Signs You Have Heavy Metal Toxicity (And How to Detox)
Symptoms of heavy metal toxicity can be mistaken for other things – such as a common cold. Here are the most common things to look out for.
www.powerofpositivity.com
"
Here Are 10 Symptoms of Heavy Metal Toxicity
- Brain fog, which means having trouble focusing on things you were previously good at or having a poor memory.
- Digestive problems such as IBS and diarrhea, heartburn and indigestion, as well as stomach acids.
- Fatigue – both acute and chronic – that contributes to the aforementioned "brain fog."
- Chronic mental health problems. Those can include (but are not limited to) depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder.
- Migraines or headaches, both acute and chronic. This is normally one of the first symptoms people start to associate with heavy metal poisoning.
- Nausea and stomach cramps, often ignored because they're attributed to something else, like food poisoning or a painful menstrual cycle with women.
- A blurry vision, or an inability to see as well as you had been before, either at a close or at a faraway distance.
- Numbness, tingling, and paralysis in your arms and legs. Those are known as nervous system disorders.
- A general feeling of upset and tiredness, an unwillingness to do anything the way you did before.
- A difficulty breathing normally or choking – this is a serious symptom that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible.
All of these sound scary but you can still stay positive by considering what you can do to detox your body from the effects of heavy metals. Scientists suggest making a few key changes to your lifestyle to throw away all offending chemicals: here are a few things you can consider incorporating into your day."
Getting a pitcher that eliminates toxins is easy these days. There are plenty on amazon. You could at least do it as a a test. I am also not convinced, however, that it's not something else. Do you know anyone in another city? Can you afford to go somewhere else and just stay somewhere for a month to rule out environmental contamination?
All of the urinary and like genital stuff seems like it could be connected to something like that too. Heavy metal poisoning usually has people complaining of headaches, aches in their bones, and indigestion symptoms, and it's like there's a feeling of pain by the bones sometimes, like I just vaguely remember people saying that before when learning about this.
You need to find a way to rule out environmental contamination.
Could you leave Poland for a year? Travel? Do you have the resources to do that? There are so many beautiful areas... far from the ongoing conflict also... like... somewhere that isn't so close to the border of the conflict? You could explore nature somewhere far far away and see if you feel better or worse.
also, have you been tested for toxoplasmosis?
i don't think you should commit suicide just because your doctors haven't figured things out. I don't think you're a hypochondriac or your symptoms are just random and unconnected.
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I would like to but i dont know how
spero_meliora
In hope for better things.
- Jan 13, 2025
- 227
But trust me, visited countless doctors and no help at all. I cant rely on my father at all, i would rather not contact him. And my mather is also in poor mental state, and she gets angry at me all the time, that i am lazy, i dont help her. I dont think she would like to help me for example going somewhere else. I cant event talk to her without her getting angry10 Signs You Have Heavy Metal Toxicity (And How to Detox)
Symptoms of heavy metal toxicity can be mistaken for other things – such as a common cold. Here are the most common things to look out for.
"
Here Are 10 Symptoms of Heavy Metal Toxicity
- Brain fog, which means having trouble focusing on things you were previously good at or having a poor memory.
- Digestive problems such as IBS and diarrhea, heartburn and indigestion, as well as stomach acids.
- Fatigue – both acute and chronic – that contributes to the aforementioned "brain fog."
- Chronic mental health problems. Those can include (but are not limited to) depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder.
- Migraines or headaches, both acute and chronic. This is normally one of the first symptoms people start to associate with heavy metal poisoning.
- Nausea and stomach cramps, often ignored because they're attributed to something else, like food poisoning or a painful menstrual cycle with women.
- A blurry vision, or an inability to see as well as you had been before, either at a close or at a faraway distance.
- Numbness, tingling, and paralysis in your arms and legs. Those are known as nervous system disorders.
- A general feeling of upset and tiredness, an unwillingness to do anything the way you did before.
- A difficulty breathing normally or choking – this is a serious symptom that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible.
All of these sound scary but you can still stay positive by considering what you can do to detox your body from the effects of heavy metals. Scientists suggest making a few key changes to your lifestyle to throw away all offending chemicals: here are a few things you can consider incorporating into your day."
Getting a pitcher that eliminates toxins is easy these days. There are plenty on amazon. You could at least do it as a a test. I am also not convinced, however, that it's not something else. Do you know anyone in another city? Can you afford to go somewhere else and just stay somewhere for a month to rule out environmental contamination?
All of the urinary and like genital stuff seems like it could be connected to something like that too. Heavy metal poisoning usually has people complaining of headaches, aches in their bones, and indigestion symptoms, and it's like there's a feeling of pain by the bones sometimes, like I just vaguely remember people saying that before when learning about this.
You need to find a way to rule out environmental contamination.
Could you leave Poland for a year? Travel? Do you have the resources to do that? There are so many beautiful areas... far from the ongoing conflict also... like... somewhere that isn't so close to the border of the conflict? You could explore nature somewhere far far away and see if you feel better or worse.
also, have you been tested for toxoplasmosis?
i don't think you should commit suicide just because your doctors haven't figured things out. I don't think you're a hypochondriac or your symptoms are just random and unconnected.
spero_meliora
In hope for better things.
- Jan 13, 2025
- 227
Moje najszczersze wyrazy współczucia - you deserve better.
I'm sorry both family and doctors have failed you so badly, friend.Thanks, i appreciate any form of kindness. But i am so afraid that none of this pains will ever end, i hoped that at least the urogenital symptoms resolve and give me hope, but its 11 days and doesn't seem to get better. Thought of infection but antibiotic does almost nothingMoje najszczersze wyrazy współczucia - you deserve better.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 45,685
It really sounds like you've suffered so unbearably in this torturous existence, I hope you find the freedom you search for.
