I chose someone who love bombed me, used me and then just started treating me like furniture. But I chose it and thought it was right. I'm the real problem.
You're not a bad person for making a mistake <3 remember that you don't have to commit to your previous choices in the past, you don't have to accept your previous mistakes as a road you can't turn back from.
Let's say you're travelling (maybe in a car) and you want to get somewhere. You start driving down a certain route, you take this turn, and then maybe after 1 hour you realize you're going the completely wrong way and actually getting much further away from where you want to be. Yes, that
sucks, it feels horrible to have wasted that time, that gas, and have only gotten further away from it--it's completely valid to feel suffering from that. But you also have the option to turn the car around, and start driving towards where you want to be, from there--no matter how far away it may be and [how far it] can feel.
You just wanted love, and I feel that's not such an evil thing to want :) it's a very human wish indeed. But your boyfriend has a responsibility to love you, a responsibility he hasn't fulfilled for you, a right he has deprived from you. He needs to uphold his end of the bargain as well, and it's not your fault for being unlucky enough to now be with someone who isn't paying their moral bills to you.
I can see from your words that you
are genuinely someone who genuinely wants love. I want to remind you that, while you have been burned by these people (boyfriend, family, etc), that there
is love in the world, and people out there who are willing to love you much better & much more than the people who have treated you this way, this unjust way.
You feel burned & hurt, and you want love but feel deprived of it. I feel that's a problem that is indeed very fixable.
But I do understand concerns for your daughter. And I do understand you love her as well, and want the best for her. But maybe your boyfriend in the picture isn't the best thing for her, either. Maybe he might deprive your daughter of love as well, just as he deprived you of love. What if he won't be a good father to your daughter? Maybe if you're able to obtain custody of your daughter, and find a more loving man who will actually care for you & give you
real love, both to your and your daughter--maybe then, things would be alright. I encourage you to give this thought experiment as a chance.
But know that everything you feel right now is
valid. You
have been wronged here, and anyone else in your spot would feel the same way. But know that you genuinely
do mean well, and are just trying to do the best you can, just as we all are here.
... My sister told me to act like an adult and consider how my daughter feels. She's right but she's grown. But she's right. And I'm so sorry to her I ruined her life with my choices.
Ironically, your sister is not 'acting like an adult', because she isn't considering how
you feel as well. A true adult considers the feelings of all humans in a situation, and makes an informed decision that doesn't privilege anybody over another. If we're being ethical, and moral, and logical here--then we still come to the conclusion that your rights as a human being (for love, companionship, respect, etc) are not being fulfilled, therefore your needs ought to be considered as well, just as much as anybody else's. The perspective of a "child" can seek to exclude the feelings of certain people, such as your boyfriend who refused to address your feelings and refused to give heed to your genuine love you gave him. He is not willing to bear the cost of love, and groans at having to give you respect for a gift you gave him. What a truly childish thing to do to your girlfriend.
I promise you that nobody's life here is ruined. However horrid it may seem, I do assure you there is a better way for you and your daughter, a way where you can achieve genuine understanding and the honest love you crave.
Please know your feelings are valid, and other people don't have the right to deprive you of love, especially people who call themselves your family, people who pledge to be your boyfriend--these people have a responsibility to love you, and you aren't a bad person for feeling hurt when you're deprived of this love you crave.
I hope you are able to find love,
real love, and a safe and secure future for both you and your daughter. It may be a long journey, but there is much to fight for, and much worth fighting for. I wish all the love in the world to you and your daughter. I am sorry to know you have been tangled up in all this; and I hope you are able to weave out of it in a way that you're able to knit a new, lovely life for yourself, one day--no matter how distant that day may seem. I wish you the best of all luck. Feel free to DM me also if you ever want to talk about anything, as well.
we are all here for you :) please take care of yourself, you're a human being and worthy of love, respect, care, and honor.
