Help catching the bus on a budget

[pattyr26]

hey everyone
told myself i wouldnt post on here anymore but here we are. ive been seriously considering catching the bus lately but i have literally no money. i got fired back in august and haven't had a job since. ive had one or two things start but stop because i fucked it up like always. my plan a little over a year ago was to get a motel room and a sturdy rope and hang myself in the bathroom. id leave a sign on the bathroom door to avoid any innocent workers discovering my corpse and leave my notes on the desk. i shouldve done it then but i chickened out. now idk what to do.
i cant get a job, i have no prospects, no education (dropped out of college), no money, no nothing. i dont wanna do anything in my apartment so my dad doesnt find me, and i dont have anything i can actively use. i dont own firearms, i dont have any medication that could kill me reliably and i do NOT want to fail and go to a psych ward. the only thing i can think of is hanging myself in my closet with my bedsheets but thats really flimsly. i dont even know if the little hanger pipe in my closet (cant think of what its called rn) could support my body weight or hold me off the ground enough.
i dont know why im posting this, i guess asking for advice? im so tired. i have nothing to offer anyone. im a piece of shit and i dont deserve anything i have. maybe i could slice my wrists? idk. maybe i just want to talk to someone about it without being committed. i cant talk about my therapist about this, and my family already knows about my suicidal tendencies and are scared of them. i understand why they're frightened, and i wish i didnt put them through that, but i dont know who to talk to about this. im just so tired

 

[itsgone2]

i dont know who to talk to about this. im just so tired

I know how you feel. I'm tired too. I mean if you look at methods some things are free. Nothing is easy.
I don't have much else to say. Closet probably not sturdy enough but you know already.
Hanging videos are starting to frustrate me. They just go. Ceiling fans. Hooks on walls. Wire. Scarfs. They can do everything wrong and they're gone. No more suffering. But we remain

 

[WallTermite]

The cheapest options are a bit painful.

Do NOT cut, it's painful, unlikely to work and could cause permanent damage.

Overdosing on salt is torture, it works, but it can cause bleeding on the brain. Please don't try that.

The absolute cheapest way is drowning, but it hurts. I can't give you directions, but there's a thread called "shallow water blackout".

Good luck.

 

[fadedghost]

hey everyone
told myself i wouldnt post on here anymore but here we are. ive been seriously considering catching the bus lately but i have literally no money. i got fired back in august and haven't had a job since. ive had one or two things start but stop because i fucked it up like always. my plan a little over a year ago was to get a motel room and a sturdy rope and hang myself in the bathroom. id leave a sign on the bathroom door to avoid any innocent workers discovering my corpse and leave my notes on the desk. i shouldve done it then but i chickened out. now idk what to do.
i cant get a job, i have no prospects, no education (dropped out of college), no money, no nothing. i dont wanna do anything in my apartment so my dad doesnt find me, and i dont have anything i can actively use. i dont own firearms, i dont have any medication that could kill me reliably and i do NOT want to fail and go to a psych ward. the only thing i can think of is hanging myself in my closet with my bedsheets but thats really flimsly. i dont even know if the little hanger pipe in my closet (cant think of what its called rn) could support my body weight or hold me off the ground enough.
i dont know why im posting this, i guess asking for advice? im so tired. i have nothing to offer anyone. im a piece of shit and i dont deserve anything i have. maybe i could slice my wrists? idk. maybe i just want to talk to someone about it without being committed. i cant talk about my therapist about this, and my family already knows about my suicidal tendencies and are scared of them. i understand why they're frightened, and i wish i didnt put them through that, but i dont know who to talk to about this. im just so tired

Would you still want to ctb if you could find a job?

 

[isthisthingon]

I know how you feel. I'm tired too. I mean if you look at methods some things are free. Nothing is easy.
I don't have much else to say. Closet probably not sturdy enough but you know already.
Hanging videos are starting to frustrate me. They just go. Ceiling fans. Hooks on walls. Wire. Scarfs. They can do everything wrong and they're gone. No more suffering. But we remain

You said it yourself, "they just go".

 

[pattyr26]

Would you still want to ctb if you could find a job?

honestly idk. i wanted to ctb even when i did have a job soooo. being unemployed has definitely made things worse but im always kind of ready to go ya know? sorry im pretty drunk rn so my responses aren't very coherent

 

[CTB set me free]

I have issues with the thought and pain of full hanging and I don't have a good spot. I think partial hanging will work as I tested it yesterday from my closet rack, I put yarn around it to make 5 loops at neck height while kneeling. I tied it off at the top and bottom and the I put a standard closed belt through the loops and the put my head through the belt with belt above my adams apple and leaned into it to test and it was comfortable to make my body go limp and it took a couple of position changes on the neck, but I got it to where I was nearly about to pass out completely relaxed without the exploding headache feeling and I think it would work. I am still worried about surviving and being on a worse condition. I have not gone through with it as I am not in an intense enough pain flare up to want to end it all. I have ME/CFS and can't work or really socialize so I am in bed most of the day and I have chronic organ, muscle, and nerve pain and I have tried diligently to improve my health and still am striuggling greatly but ultimately I still want to live "if" I can ever get better, but if the pain gets bad enough, I'm going to go.

 

[brainlessretard]

i'm sorry for not being able to help much. i'm also unemployed right now, holding on to every bit of money i get to buy SN. the only inexpensive method i found doable was partial hanging, although the method is too crude, and unfortunately, my family would have to find me. other things such as cutting or overdosing on medication have a higher chance of only causing damage, but not enough to kill you.

i hope everything goes well for you.

 

[fadedghost]

honestly idk. i wanted to ctb even when i did have a job soooo. being unemployed has definitely made things worse but im always kind of ready to go ya know? sorry im pretty drunk rn so my responses aren't very coherent

that was coherent. i get it, i relate. i sort of always am ready to go too, but circumstances can make things much worse.

i get what you are saying about being unable to speak with anyone easily. suicidal people are in the horrible position of being forced into locked care, which is often expensive and degrading and inflicts trauma and pain, if they decide to be honest. it's a horrible reality caused by the rules of the mental health system.