Can't bring myself to CTB

[Ixtlilton]

I was planning to CTB after school today, but I don't know if I can go through with it. Im scared of being caught. Also, I don't want to hurt my friends and family. I am not scared to die exactly, I just don't want to hurt anyone, but it looks like I can't have both.

 

[stevieu]

I was planning to CTB after school today, but I don't know if I can go through with it. Im scared of being caught. Also, I don't want to hurt my friends and family. I am not scared to die exactly, I just don't want to hurt anyone, but it looks like I can't have both.

That shows you're a good and thoughtful person. It's only natural to feel that way. At least know there are people here you can talk to in the meantime, if that's of any comfort

 

[Ghost2211]

Sometimes we don't want to literally die we just want the pain to stop, and it feels like the only option. You will either find a way around the pain, or become more comfortable with dying. Take some time to think and reflect on the paths ahead of you, and if there is any potential to improve your life.

im here if you need a friend, and we are all here for you. You're not alone.

 

[HannahB]

As my best friend says "b you cant make suicide suck less your killing yourself" but it doesn't stop me from trying.

 

[Ixtlilton]

Sometimes we don't want to literally die we just want the pain to stop, and it feels like the only option. You will either find a way around the pain, or become more comfortable with dying. Take some time to think and reflect on the paths ahead of you, and if there is any potential to improve your life.

im here if you need a friend, and we are all here for you. You're not alone.

I mean yea I could wait, but I don't want to. I really want to do it today. I have been putting it off for the past week.

 

[Ghost2211]

I mean yea I could wait, but I don't want to. I really want to do it today. I have been putting it off for the past week.

You seem conflicted. if you are set on doing it you could always try it and see how you feel. If you're that conflicted you're more likely to have si. What is your preferred method?

 

[Ixtlilton]

I plan to do partial suspension, I already have everything set up. The only reason why I'm conflicted is I don't want to hurt anyone, but it seems like there is no other way to stop that.

 

[stevieu]

I mean yea I could wait, but I don't want to. I really want to do it today. I have been putting it off for the past week.

And by putting it off, it seems some uncertainty comes with your choice?

It's such a complex topic and unique to every individual, but if you're not totally ready then there's no shame in that. Talk it out and as @RoseyBird said, take some time to properly reflect.

I can totally understand what you mean about hurting family and friends though. It's something I agonize over.

Wish I could be of more help.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I mean yea I could wait, but I don't want to. I really want to do it today. I have been putting it off for the past week.

This, to me, says it's not quite time.

If you're putting it off for days, there's something not quite right. It could be your plan, your thinking or just your timing.

Can you figure out what's stopping you? Just being able to figure that out may make it easier to either accept it and stick around or get over it and get on with it.

To second what another poster said, it's not just about wanting the pain to stop.

 

[Ghost2211]

I plan to do partial suspension, I already have everything set up. The only reason why I'm conflicted is I don't want to hurt anyone, but it seems like there is no other way to stop that.

There is no way to prevent suicide from hurting those around us. It is a demon we must accept if we choose that path. It is one of the reasons I'm still here too. Eventually the pain gets to be enough that the world around us matter less, and we start feeling people will be ok without Us.

if you're not there yet you may not be ready. Partial is a method you can bail from if you choose to.