Discussion Can you remember the first time you felt suicidal?

[SleeplessAndSad]

When i was around 13-14. It only lasted for ~2 years, i was (more or less) fine after that. But now the thoughts are back

 

[VoidButterfly]

When I was 13, though the first time anything came of it was a couple of years later when my plan to jump off a building was discovered and I was put on antidepressants and not in any way referred to youth mental health services lol.

 

[NonEssential]

First time when I was 12 due to bullying at school.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was 10, being bullied intensely by a family member and I was missing my dead Mum, Nana and Grandpa. I sat on my bed staring out the window and the thought just popped in- I think I'd prefer to be dead.

 

[MAKE IT STOP!]

yes. I was 14

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Super Bowl Sunday 2011. It was a real shock. I remember my vision seemed to darken around the edges. It had never occurred to me before.

 

[Spite]

I was about 14 when I first started to experience suicidal ideation. It's been pretty consistent ever since, 13 years later.

 

[death over slavery]

14 years old. A good and well-performing student who fell out of grace because I got caught sharing answers to the whole class on an exam lol. Introduced me to a major depression and the thoughts of death started to leak. Had to watch Psych2Go for comfort while silently crying in the middle of the night with my biological mother asleep on my side

 

[heydude56]

First time I decided I definitely need to ctb and since never changed my mind? When I was 20.
First time I just had an impulse to ctb? I 'd say probably like 7 years old lol

 

[WillShrike]

I was 11, in middle school. I have this gift of foresight, I just knew life wasn't worth it. That boy I was, wasn't wrong. I'm close to achieving my childhood dream though . Soon I'll buy that gun. No more pain. Just back to what I was before I was born.

How about you guys? When was your first thought of suicide?

"thought" for me it's mental rape almost 24/7. lol

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I would've been in elementary school. Kids were bullying me so I locked myself in the bathroom (we had a one person bathroom in each classroom). My teacher was angry and pounding on the door because I was taking too long. I stayed all day and that's the first time I thought about the possibility of it.

Later I was talking to a friend (we would've been around 8) who was treated similarly and he wrapped rubber bands around his neck. That interaction made it more real.

It really just persisted and germinated from there.

 

[Seneca65AD]

First attempt was around 19/20. "Feelings" about being better off dead would be around 15/16. It's been a rollercoaster since then.

 

[Lost Impact]

I first heard about suicide when I was around 8 and a relative's classmate had killed herself, 12/13 years old. I knew every detail of the death and it fascinated me since. I was probably 10 or 11, around 5th grade when I first having active suicidal thoughts myself. Didn't start self-harming until I was 13/14 and my first actual attempt was my late teens around 18/19.

 

[meiherasoru_]

I was about 13 years old and it just crossed my mind one day and that was it

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

when i felt pain

can't believe others think anything is worth even 10 seconds of the worst constant unbearable pain

it's unbearable pain because you can't stand it for another second.so it's beyond horrible when you can't move away from unbearable constant pain

what i felt is relatively minor accident a cut on a finger but the pain was a billion times worse than i can imagine or remember

i know it can get much worse and that's the horror

i hate life existence and this world