Discussion Can you be a "loser" or "failure" and still keep living?

[dogemn]

If you've failed at the usual social markers of success (career, money, partner, kids, achievements) and you carry a lot of shame around it, how are you supposed to go on living without dying by suicide?
Being a "failure" or "loser" can be deeply isolating. Conversations start to feel awkward. Invitations slowly stop coming. Family gatherings turn into subtle interrogations disguised as concern. People stop seeing you as an equal and start seeing you as someone to pity, manage, or fix. At some point you're no longer treated like a peer or a full participant in social life. You're reduced to a problem. That kind of social exclusion feels annihilating, like you're being erased while still alive.
I sometimes wonder whether humans are even wired to survive this kind of experience. Is it actually possible to live through that level of humiliation and isolation without eventually giving up? Have people managed to do it? And if so, how?

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

Might have to find out in person soon - my money is running out. Otherwise, feeling a failure by social markers of success already, but not internally at what is personally relevant to me. And it feels like going through despair to spite and back, over and over again.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

honestly i don't know. I've tried multiple times to make something of myself but i just keep failing. I'll be stuck as nothing more than a poor, lonely wage slave for the rest of my life while the rest of my family are making sic figures or starting families and meeting lovers

 

[soul2realm]

I am and proud of it. The so-called winners haven't walked in my shoes, and which is why they'll be blind to the reality of this existence. Yes, I didn't succeed but by God I tried, I yearned and I suffered. Now when my time comes, I will be glad to leave this messed up place behind.
Don't know what else to say....

 

[pascagalias]

I get this feeling often, too. Especially when comparing myself to friends from childhood. They have achieved so much more, at least in terms of what the public calls success.
But neither of them has been experiencing depression to the extend that I have. Learning to live with that mental illness, to keep it from destroying my life, is not easy. But I've made some progress there, and hope, I will continue to do so.

 

[metfan647]

One can certainly be a 'loser' and still keep living. They'd have to have pretty thick skin though, be indifferent about societal expectations and / or be surrounded by non-judgmental types.

I am quite the epitome of the loser to which you refer. I am absolutely crippled with anxiety, low self-esteem and hypersensitivity which prevents me from making a success out of myself and even maintaining long-term relationships with rational people.

I only got to this point due to the fun and adventures of being young.

 

[Natanael]

As long as you haven't committed a crime or done anything despicable, you're far from being a loser, in my opinion.

I can understand this problem quite well, especially because I experienced it firsthand.

I failed school multiple times, I didn't even finish my education, my family often compared me to others who had achieved other things.

During that time, some more distant relatives treated me a little worse, one of them even called me retarded at a bad moment (he was drunk) and I couldn't help but cry right there, which made everything worse and was more humiliating.

Putting all that aside, I eventually stopped trying to impress people or do what they think will fix my problems, which helped me a lot. I stopped feeling pressured and was able to focus on what I felt I really needed. In the end, I found a way to move forward. I am now relatively successful financially, at least by my country's social standards, although I live quite differently from the average person.

Of course, all of this left cracks in my relationship with many of my relatives, and I think it's better for me not to look in that direction, even though they no longer treat me badly.

This was my experience at least