Venting can people with bpd have friends? how hard is it? i am really trying.

[mariannelle]

I dont have any story or cool thing to say im sorry. I am upset today because I feel completely alone. I kind of have a few friends and I have some family, but I always have to make sure I never get to close or dependent on any of them, which makes them all very distant. If I let any too close they get into my bpd loop and I really, really ruin the relationship. I am reaching out to other people with bpd. how do you have friends? i want friends really badly, I really do, I will do whatever it takes, please give me some advice. I have never felt so lonely.
glory glory. I love every single one of you, I want all of you at my wedding. - Mari

 

[theboy]

Sure!

 

[FoxSauce]

Well depends really.

I can get imfatuated with someone rather quickly and well spral i guess.

Not in a creepy way but wanting to chaet em up non stop or thinking there a ry nice person.


Sometimes can be hit or cold with them which well can break it off like to the point of being awkward but I digress. I tend to be secretive or overshare.


Ik it can be hard for people with BPD to maintain relationships even break the unhealthy ones.

Advice- try to maintain the relationships as best you can and if the other person doesnt want to be with you then oh well bye (ofc easier said than done) or is abusive or toxic leave it.

Thats all i can say ofc take it with a pinch of salt I wont lie sometimes i dont follow my own advice.

But i hope this helps :>

 

[Persik]

I will support FoxSauce's answer, adding a little: just be yourself. Not in the sense that you don't need to fight BPD, but in the sense that you don't need to change yourself against your nature (character, temperament, dreams, etc.). If people don't want to be with you, you need to learn and realize that it would be wiser to let go of those who don't want to hold on to you. Indeed, it is difficult to make friends with the mental disorders we have, but this does not mean that it is impossible. You know, in general, it is very difficult for an "ordinary" person to make friends, so you are not alone with this problem. If you search and do not give up, you will definitely find, but this is always a path, and you do not know when that very person will come. I believe in you, and you try not to despair)
And one more thing. It will help you a lot to build and understand your boundaries: what is another person allowed to do in relation to me? Why do I allow this? What can this lead to? Why do I need this, and this, and that.... And so on. Once you build boundaries, you will be more confident in yourself, since you know the rules of your game. It will be much easier for you, knowing what you want and why exactly you want it.
I'm not sure you understood what I wrote correctly, as I'm writing through a translator. But if you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Have a nice day

 

[StupidCat]

I have an online BPD friend and she's kinda crazy but I liker her. Sometimes she deletes our group chats and starts crying.

 

[The Actual Devil]

I don't have BPD, but my general advice for anyone on here looking to make friends is to try to find a local support group of some sort. Anything that fits you even remotely: groups for depression, BPD, anxiety, abuse survivors, addiction, or general mental health groups.

What better place to find people who can relate to you than people who have lived through what you have? They're usually non-committal, they don't make you talk until you're ready, and they're free or at least cheap.

And hey, I'm proud of you for asking for help.

 

[Meimi18]

It's hard for sure, and work needs to be done on both sides to maintain a good relationship
Dunno, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy was useful, and from the other side, the other person needed an enormous amount of patient you might not find in a lot of people
It's a high velocity disorder, I don't think a lot of people can keep up, you can only keep trying and do your best, both of you

 

[TBONTB]

I can only answer second hand that my BPD daughter has good friends, so yes it's possible. I can't tell you how she does it but there are a couple of things. She has had DBT and public counseling resources. ( Not sure if you have these since you didn't mention). And the I just know she tries to realize her intensity is internal, and doesn't necessarily reflect what others are feeling. Apologies if I'm just repeating the basics of your world. Please feels some hope!!!!

 

[frayed]

it depends on the person. i don't know how severe your case is or what help & resources are available to you. people with bpd need to work on themselves to get the emotion dysregulation under some semblance of control. then it's not so challenging to have friends. therapy can help. educating yourself about the condition can also allow you to not become a complete victim to it.

 

[alleine]

I dont have any story or cool thing to say im sorry. I am upset today because I feel completely alone. I kind of have a few friends and I have some family, but I always have to make sure I never get to close or dependent on any of them, which makes them all very distant. If I let any too close they get into my bpd loop and I really, really ruin the relationship. I am reaching out to other people with bpd. how do you have friends? i want friends really badly, I really do, I will do whatever it takes, please give me some advice. I have never felt so lonely.
glory glory. I love every single one of you, I want all of you at my wedding. - Mari

I do not have friends. I honestly do not feel the need... But I need a person to share my life with...

Of course, my bpd makes me very attached to that person and girls usually reject me because of that...

 

[hankly]

Do your dbt and play to your strengths, you will have a lot of them.

Remember to do the things to keep you regulated: good environment, good people, strong boundaries with dbags, goals, healthy lifestyle options, developing e.reg techniques and being conscious of your own defense mechanisms (splitting etc) will go a long way in helping.

Also transparency with friends on the condition and some of the ways it can manifest will actually help you to bond. Just try to hold it together and not fixate/love bomb/trauma dump on people.

Edit:

Worth remembering that some of the more extreme bits of the illness are very susceptible to being stress induced: I had stress induced hallucinations/delusions last year and that's what has brought me here…

Stress management can be absolutely key to a happy(ish) healthy(ish) life with bpd

 

[myucore]

i couldn't get diagnosed here, but I feel like I found a patterns of "karmic relationship" in all my previous relationship. I could only say I could relate with instability and drastic change of my personality, mood, and priority.

Karmic relationship definition: These relationships are characterized by a strong, immediate attraction and a sense of familiarity, but they also tend to be marked by emotional highs and lows, conflict, and a feeling of being stuck. While karmic relationships can be a catalyst for personal growth and learning, they are not always healthy or sustainable. thx ai >~<

Do your dbt and play to your strengths, you will have a lot of them.

Remember to do the things to keep you regulated: good environment, good people, strong boundaries with dbags, goals, healthy lifestyle options, developing e.reg techniques and being conscious of your own defense mechanisms (splitting etc) will go a long way in helping.

Also transparency with friends on the condition and some of the ways it can manifest will actually help you to bond. Just try to hold it together and not fixate/love bomb/trauma dump on people.

Edit:

Worth remembering that some of the more extreme bits of the illness are very susceptible to being stress induced: I had stress induced hallucinations/delusions last year and that's what has brought me here…

Stress management can be absolutely key to a happy(ish) healthy(ish) life with bpd

Most of them tends to be very intense but only last for like 2 - 7 months. A lot of trauma dumping happen, suicidal talk, codependency, panic or manic episode, love bombing, fixation- just like hankly said.

In the end, I always ends up hurting them, manipulating them, or using them. I always ends up changing and becoming someone who could constantly hurt them. My feelings switch so fast they feels betrayed from it.

From all my past mistake, now I'm trying learn to set more boundaries and hold myself back from impulsivity. To be much more transparent and warn people about my ability to inflict pain. To relate to people first before I acted on impulse, not for just their present well-being, but also their future well-being.

I believe it is possible eventually to sustain a healthy dynamic in a relationship. I think it just needs more trial and error.

Also, sometimes, two bpd / unstable people together make a great (or not) codependency partner for each other. In theory it sounds bad, but if you have no better solution, then maybe try it. I've been together with my partner for the past 2 years. Online, yes... We hurt each other a lot at first, but we always ends up back together. We probably don't have any better option than stay codependent together. Somehow, now we just completely understand each other and why we hurt each other. We are at the strongest poin of our relationship now. But, then again, it could be dangerous... It was dangerous... This is not a wise advice but maybe a redemption for those who desperate.

Sorry if I speak about myself way too much...