BPD is my death sentence

[lameemo]

i heal this, i heal that. i feel like it never changes anything. am i maybe just evil down to my core?
meant to do nothing but hurt the people around me, i try to real my self im not so rotten but i can't take it anymore. im so drunk in my boyfriends bathroom, he was mean to me or wasn't i don't know.
im trying to heal, but im not really healing. im just no longer taking it out on him. i hate everything about my life.
i hate my relationship because i hate seeing how i ruined a sweet boy with prospects. brought him into my filthy mind.
i cannot trust my own mind or my own feelings. they always try to make me feel the worst they can. this disease is torture. id rather be in hell.
i'm tired of treating everyone the way i do i try so so hard not too. i do the dbt, but everytime i mess up i just can't take it. he's better off without me, my parents will be better off without. i'm a future government leech in the making. what a pathetic life i live. worst part is, i do it to myself

 

[Manic Panic]

Bpd eats away at you slowly ... you just have to find a way to live with it ... if you can

 

[Airi Sezaki]

My therapist and my psychiatrist are probably suspecting that I have BPD. I look back at everything I went through, it was all pointless, it didn't make me stronger and it was unnecessary learning. I'm torn between giving up on everything (and I'm here to discuss methods) and trying recovery, I'm afraid that the medication and therapy will be in vain just like everything else that's happened in my life.
I don't have the diagnosis, but I identify with you. I'm sorry you're going through this, I wonder what will become of us with all these mental illnesses.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

i heal this, i heal that. i feel like it never changes anything. am i maybe just evil down to my core?
meant to do nothing but hurt the people around me, i try to real my self im not so rotten but i can't take it anymore. im so drunk in my boyfriends bathroom, he was mean to me or wasn't i don't know.
im trying to heal, but im not really healing. im just no longer taking it out on him. i hate everything about my life.
i hate my relationship because i hate seeing how i ruined a sweet boy with prospects. brought him into my filthy mind.
i cannot trust my own mind or my own feelings. they always try to make me feel the worst they can. this disease is torture. id rather be in hell.
i'm tired of treating everyone the way i do i try so so hard not too. i do the dbt, but everytime i mess up i just can't take it. he's better off without me, my parents will be better off without. i'm a future government leech in the making. what a pathetic life i live. worst part is, i do it to myself

You're not evil, and it's not you're fault that you hurt people. You hurt people because your body is almost always in survival mode, and your brain is trying to protect itself. I'm glad you're able to access dbt. The fact that you're making an effort to improve yourself and hurt people less is enough to prove that you're not evil. It's ok to slip up, as long as you acknowledge it and apologise to whoever you split on. If things are bad enough maybe consider mood stabilisers? I wish the best for you, I hope you're able to suffer less.