Bpd and obsessive love

[bl33ding_heart]

One of the worst symptoms of my bpd is how hard I can fall in love with people. When I love someone, my entire existence revolves around them. My thoughts, feelings, almost everything I do just revolves around them. I feel like I wanna suffocate them to death with all of the love I have in my heart. My entire mood will depend on them entirely. What hurts the most is when they don't reciprocate the feelings you have for them. This has been the case for me every single time I have ever loved someone, before I met my partner. The worst "obsession" I've ever had was when I was 14-15 and I discovered this intelligent dude on an online site that I won't be naming. I joined his discord server and talked to him a lot and made friends there. I thought he was one of the most intelligent and genuinely empathetic people I've seen. I thought he was perfect. I fell madly in love with him very quick and thought I could make him love me, and have a future with him. Mind you I was a minor and he was a 28 year old man. I was crazily obsessed with him for 2 whole years, which were 2 of the most painful years of my life. Loving him, and talking to him felt amazing. It felt like the most euphoric feeling I've ever felt. But not being able to have him, and not being able to get him off of my mind hurt so bad I just wanted to jump from a rooftop and die instantly. I've been over him for a while now, and I have a bf that makes me way happier then I've ever been. But the thought of him ever leaving me or somehow dying makes me feel sick. And I just know I'll have no hope of happiness if that were to ever happen. I seriously fucking hate bpd. The trajectory of your existence being dependant on one person feels exhausting.

 

[snooperdooper]

I know sort of what you feel. I do not have the obsessive love that you struggle with nor the BPD, but I know what it is like to endlessly yearn for something that won't happen. I had a crush on a guy I met online, I was a minor and he was an adult although he didn't know I was a minor, and it just ate me up inside that I couldn't reveal myself to him for multiple reasons. Now I yearn for different reasons, and it brings me even more torment than I could ever imagine.

I am happy that you have found someone you love, and I hope that you and him live happily together forever. Is the obsessive love a curable behavior or is it just an unimaginable tormet you have to live with for the rest of your life?

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I know sort of what you feel. I do not have the obsessive love that you struggle with nor the BPD, but I know what it is like to endlessly yearn for something that won't happen. I had a crush on a guy I met online, I was a minor and he was an adult although he didn't know I was a minor, and it just ate me up inside that I couldn't reveal myself to him for multiple reasons. Now I yearn for different reasons, and it brings me even more torment than I could ever imagine.

I am happy that you have found someone you love, and I hope that you and him live happily together forever. Is the obsessive love a curable behavior or is it just an unimaginable tormet you have to live with for the rest of your life?

It's possible to get over an obsession with someone, but it's almost Impossible to prevent yourself from getting obsessed with people when you have bpd. Unless you're lucky enough to find someone that reciprocates the feelings and treats you right it definitely is like an endless torment.

 

[snooperdooper]

It's possible to get over an obsession with someone, but it's almost Impossible to prevent yourself from getting obsessed with people when you have bpd. Unless you're lucky enough to find someone that reciprocates the feelings and treats you right it definitely is like an endless torment.

I guess that's a fantasy for some people lol. Two people that are obsessed with each other and in love.