Being told i dont want to get better

[dust-in-the-wind]

56f with major depressive disorder on and off since 18 years old. The only reason Ive managed so long is that sometimes medication would work for a few years here and there. Well it's been over 2 years now and I am out of options. 20+ meds, iv ketamine and ECT, nothing works and there is nothing left for me. I am bedridden, the depression is so bad. I am told by my BF and professionals that I don't want want to get better and do nothing to help myself. Wait, what?! I fucking did shock therapy to my brain for fuck sake, took every pill they asked of me and injected ketamine into my veins. No they want me to go for a walk, sit in the sun, listen to music ect..it's all bullshit in my severe case. It's not going to help plus I can barely move from my bed. No one understands what's it's like to be in my biochemically fucked up brain. They wouldn't last a day in my shoes. I will be ending it soon, I'm trying to build up more courage each day But to tell me I'm not trying just puts me over the edge, which is maybe what I finally need to ctb. I wonder what they will say about me when I'm dead.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I feel you. My ex said I was "weak" and that sort of solidified my decision, because I was really trying to get better when she said. I thought "well, if I'm weak and not trying. I might as well play into that" so I'll be gone soon too

 

[Wolf Girl]

Ugh! I recently was dumped for being "lazy"--he said this after I listed off the treatments I have tried and what I'm trying now. They don't understand and they never will. It's that mindset of "I'm the Main Character and my experience is universal" that people have when they don't understand another person's challenging circumstances. They think if they haven't experienced it, it's not a big deal.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I feel you. My ex said I was "weak" and that sort of solidified my decision, because I was really trying to get better when she said. I thought "well, if I'm weak and not trying. I might as well play into that" so I'll be gone soon too

I'm so sorry. I totally understand. Depression is crippling. You can only comprehend it unless you've experienced it. Even the "professionals" can't really comprhend.It looks like weakness or laziness but nothing is further from the truth.

Ugh! I recently was dumped for being "lazy"--he said this after I listed off the treatments I have tried and what I'm trying now. They don't understand and they never will. It's that mindset of "I'm the Main Character and my experience is universal" that people have when they don't understand another person's challenging circumstances. They think if they haven't experienced it, it's not a big deal.

Nobody can possibly understand what it feels like, including the professionals, unless they've experienced it. Otherwise, all their knowledge is just textbook readings.

 

[Dejected 55]

This feels like the worst possible case of the bully taking your arm and punching you in the face and repeatedly saying, "Stop hitting yourself... stop hitting yourself..." while you try desperately to get it to stop, trying all the advice given to you by others to get away from the bully, but when nothing works, they all start joining in the chant of "stop hitting yourself..."

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

This feels like the worst possible case of the bully taking your arm and punching you in the face and repeatedly saying, "Stop hitting yourself... stop hitting yourself..." while you try desperately to get it to stop, trying all the advice given to you by others to get away from the bully, but when nothing works, they all start joining in the chant of "stop hitting yourself..."

Very well said

 

[Hollowman]

Anybody who says that shit can f**k off.

 

[Nightfoot]

The only people who understand what severe depression is like are those who have had it. But it's possible to have enough self awareness to realize that and not tell someone they don't want to get better, especially professionals. I'm sorry that happened to you. This shit is frustrating enough without those kinds of comments.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

I have also been told I'm lazy. I totally agree with you @dust-in-the-wind these people that say these things, they haven't got a clue. And they certainly wouldn't cope a day in our shoes.

 

[westerly_merlin]

I have been told "why don't you just cheer yourself up?" Like I had not thought of that myself! Again the implication being I like being in this state.

 

[NoHorizon]

I'm so sorry you're not getting the compassion you deserve - that's such a needlessly cruel thing to say to someone who has tried so many things to get better over such a long time. I feel like the people who say "you don't want to get better" are actually just saying "I don't think I can help you" but they don't want to admit it.

 

[unluckysadness]

56f with major depressive disorder on and off since 18 years old. The only reason Ive managed so long is that sometimes medication would work for a few years here and there. Well it's been over 2 years now and I am out of options. 20+ meds, iv ketamine and ECT, nothing works and there is nothing left for me. I am bedridden, the depression is so bad. I am told by my BF and professionals that I don't want want to get better and do nothing to help myself. Wait, what?! I fucking did shock therapy to my brain for fuck sake, took every pill they asked of me and injected ketamine into my veins. No they want me to go for a walk, sit in the sun, listen to music ect..it's all bullshit in my severe case. It's not going to help plus I can barely move from my bed. No one understands what's it's like to be in my biochemically fucked up brain. They wouldn't last a day in my shoes. I will be ending it soon, I'm trying to build up more courage each day But to tell me I'm not trying just puts me over the edge, which is maybe what I finally need to ctb. I wonder what they will say about me when I'm dead.

I'm so sorry you have to suffer so much. All these decades in hell. You deserve peace and should have access to euthanasia if it's your choice.
You can be proud of yourself with all the strong therapies you've tried. I send you all the hugs you deserve and i wish you PEACE

 

[failedmind]

I understand. I'm told by my family and bf to iust go outside, take a walk, exercise, take supplements, etc. Like I cant even get out of bed, showering is a chore, I can't take care of myself, I'm tired. I've tried therapy, meds, etc and nothing works. I really hope I can get the courage soon. I can't do this much longer. Sending love to you