Autism

[hotelbooks113]

I was reading about how autistic people have a way higher rate of suicidal ideation and suicide attempt something like x2 for autistic men and x8 for autistic women compared to neurotypical. I always felt way more depressed and suicidal than typical people- wondering if any other autistic people felt the same and what's your backstory? I have my own theories of how autism develops from my background? Wondering if anyone else here has autism and your background.

 

[loweroneseyes]

society isn't built for us unfortunately, i believe it is because autistic people are way more likely to get mistreated or forced to practice maladaptive behaviors to mask as a "normal"/socially acceptable person. finding a path forward in life in general can be very difficult because of the lack of basic accommodations

 

[Dark Moon]

society isn't built for us unfortunately, i believe it is because autistic people are way more likely to get mistreated or forced to practice maladaptive behaviors to mask as a "normal"/socially acceptable person. finding a path forward in life in general can be very difficult because of the lack of basic accommodations

Yeah that and the lack of support unless you're on the severe end of the spectrum.

Finding a career, relationships, friends all of that requires socialization and that's something that we lack.

For me at least, I'm not interested in society nor do I pass or fit into it anyway.

 

[loweroneseyes]

Yeah that and the lack of support unless you're on the severe end of the spectrum.

Finding a career, relationships, friends all of that requires socialization and that's something that we lack.

For me at least, I'm not interested in society nor do I pass or fit into it anyway.

right, i think this makes a lot of autistic people inherently isolated/lonely and somewhat maladjusted -> decreased quality of life
i often find i'm only interested in keeping up relationships with other autistic people, but even then it can still be incredibly difficult

 

[sserafim]

I didn't know it was x8 for autistic women. That's so high. I guess I'm destined for suicide then…

Yeah that and the lack of support unless you're on the severe end of the spectrum.

Finding a career, relationships, friends all of that requires socialization and that's something that we lack.

For me at least, I'm not interested in society nor do I pass or fit into it anyway.

Me neither. I don't want any of those things though. I don't want a career, relationship or friends. Socialization just doesn't appeal to me. I'm also not interested in society

society isn't built for us unfortunately, i believe it is because autistic people are way more likely to get mistreated or forced to practice maladaptive behaviors to mask as a "normal"/socially acceptable person. finding a path forward in life in general can be very difficult because of the lack of basic accommodations

It's annoying how we're expected to change ourselves to fit a system not built for us. Why should I have to change myself to suit the world?

 

[Dark Moon]

I didn't know it was x8 for autistic women. That's so high. I guess I'm destined for suicide then…

Me neither. I don't want any of those things though. I don't want a career, relationship or friends. Socialization just doesn't appeal to me. I'm also not interested in society

It's annoying how we're expected to change ourselves to fit a system not built for us. Why should I have to change myself to suit the world?

Socialization doesn't really appeal to me either but didn't you say you wanted a relationship with your crush and friends?

 

[Eternal Eyes]

I'm autistic and have self harmed on and off for over a decade now. Have yet to fully attempt CTB, but close many times. Like many on this thread, society, and the things deemed normal and achievable in society, seem unobtainable, and almost alien to me. I feel like a literal alien, like I don't belong anywhere I go, even when i try hard to make bonds, or contribute to things. Even when I feel like I'm doing well, I feel like an imposter, or like I'm not really real, like I'm masking myself.

I also know two autistic women (one is my cousin), and can confirm the suicide rate is extremely high. Both were frequent self harmers throughout their teens and attempted more than twice.

The sad part is, they're two of the nicest and most talented people I know. I know pro-life isn't really the most liked viewpoint around here and I agree on why, but I'm so glad both are still alive today.

 

[Esokabat]

Autistic woman here. I will ctb due to going blind due to glaucoma, however I don't think I would be in the same situation if I would not be autistic and would have a partner, family and friends. I have none of those as I don't fit into this world, and as a result, blindness is much less an option, being completely alone and no support. Autism has been harder for me than anything else in life. All my life chasing normal and only recently realizing that normal will never happen for me, I am just inherently different from normal, since birth, not changeable

 

[lostintheloop]

I'm autistic and do think it's big part of why I ended up here. Partly because I'll never fit in, will always be lonely, struggle to get job. But also just everything overwhelms me- can't understand and process my emotions properly (therapy didn't help that and made things worse), sensory issues mean i'm never comfortable, my brain fixates on certain thoughts and never any escape. I'm defective and it is a disorder. I hate the whole it's ' a superpower' or 'just a difference' as it's disabling. Even in a more accepting society, i'd still struggle to survive.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yes, autistic people are definitely disproportionately represented in spaces like this. It's certainly why why I'm here.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I have autism and I certainly despise existing, simply being conscious and aware has always been tiring for me and I'm not meant for it, I'm not meant to decay from age in this hellish world. In my case it's not "depression" but rather having awareness of how truly undesirable existence is, I find it tragic how life even exists at all, existing really is just meaningless suffering, I really wish I never existed more than anything.

 

[cymbaline23]

I was reading about how autistic people have a way higher rate of suicidal ideation and suicide attempt something like x2 for autistic men and x8 for autistic women compared to neurotypical. I always felt way more depressed and suicidal than typical people- wondering if any other autistic people felt the same and what's your backstory? I have my own theories of how autism develops from my background? Wondering if anyone else here has autism and your background.

It's basically impossible for me to socialize, but I truly hate being alone. I feel like I wasn't made to fit into this world, so much about it is so inauthentic. I hate how humans are all perceived differently based on our gender, race, etc. I don't want to be any gender or any race, I wish I could just exist. I'm have no desire to conform to this society, or even the nature of life in general. It's overwhelming to even leave the house, but I'm so sick of isolating. It makes me feel insane. I don't even know where to go. I don't want to grow old and die. I don't want to see the people I love die. I wish I knew people who feel the way I do. I truly don't understand what people see in this life. I enjoy music and love, but not much else. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I'm 99% sure I'm autistic at this point.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I've only recently been diagnosed with the spectrum, but been lonely for the whole life. On top of that, I experienced a lot of bashing, harassment, and betrayal. Have been living with fear and anxiety b/c ofy issues.
Have only had cats for friends.

 

[bramblebamblebambe]

I feel really defeated when dealing with neurotypical people, it is exhausting.

I have a few thoughts on why this contributes to why so many autistic people are suicidal.

Women with autism are more likely to have PMDD, which for many means that suicidal thoughts come more strongly for two weeks before your period begins.

They tend to have really rigid cliched ignorant stereotypes of what autism is and are dismissive if you don't fit into their box; this is incredibly invalidating.

They tend to act like it is stronger in children then adults, they expect us to act like they do and do not fully grasp what it means to have a different neuropathy of brain, (dunno if that's how you would say it! ) but we do not think in the same way and in many environments we have to consciously try to think how would a NT do this, i.e. masking/camouflaging. Which is a completely unfair expectation to have on autistic people, you wouldn't expect someone with a body disability to be able to perform in the same way as someone who doesn't have a physical disability.

Because NT tend to be hierarchical and plays a big part in how they socialize, when they find out or know if you are autistic they will subconsciously see you as 'below' them, which is a horrible feeling especially if it repeated in a lot of interactions, I can imagine for a lot of autistics it can chip away at your self esteem and make us more uncomfortable with socializing, I think it might be a type of prejudice or discrimination but unlike most instances for example racism and homophobia is a lot more subtle/covert leaving the autistic person feeling confused and powerless. I have found they may treat you dismissively or aggressively or impatiently like they are annoyed by you or they are very sympathetic but unfortunately condescending.

I have noticed that it is still pretty common to make fun of people who NT's deem as retards and special, I think bullying is just as common in schools and in the workplace, which is no wonder why so many autistic people struggle with working a job, that and most places do not/are unable to understand and accommodate our needs. I know some people use these words as a term of endearment to each other and not towards autistic people and not to hurt but
I know most of these behaviours are subconscious and are wired into NT's way of perceiving the world, but that doesn't make it less traumatic for autistic people.

I think autistic people are more targeted to be manipulated and taken advantage of leading to more abuse/trauma and/or less interaction with socializing.

I think a lot of autistic people are seen as too 'high functioning' (I really don't like this terminology) to get given support and so struggle.

I think depression is common for non-verbal autistic people and ones with more support needs that are in care. My brother was briefly a carer during the pandemic who cared for some autistic adults and said most would have a very sad demeanor, not want to engage and wanted to stay in bed and would have meltdowns quite frequently which proves that they are stressed and they would try to run away a lot. I know it might depend on the type of care but it is still heartbreaking, it must feel like a prison to them.

For me, I think one of my biggest struggles is being treated like I'm not human or there is something wrong with me, also known as the uncanny valley effect. This is when NT's without knowing you are autistic can tell something is different or off about you because of your behaviours or the way you speak, they may be repulsed, uncomfortable, creeped out or find you cringe, it can be feel horrible to be dehumanized.

There might be more reasons but can't think right now, also I do waffle on a bit.
Here is survey that is being done to find out how to support autistic people who are suicidal. It might be too late for some of us here but at least maybe it's a start to being better acknowledged and understood.

Online Survey Software | Qualtrics Survey Solutions

The most powerful, simple and trusted way to gather experience data. Start your journey to experience management and try a free account today.

bournemouthpsych.eu.qualtrics.com

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I have autism too and it has made my life hell because I never wanted to participate in society yet I am forced to. I'm not good enough to deal with society as the workload that the average person has to do is absolutely crazy and too much for me. I get overwhelmed easily. I am unable to socialise because of my autism and I hate at how contingent the world is on socialising. I'd even have an easier time trying to ctb as then I could potentially get connections to obtain F. Because of my autism, the only thing I can do to escape my fate is to kill myself off before I take on too much responsibilities. My only salvation now is death

 

[TheTragicPrince]

Recently diagnosed autistic person here. Mental illness is a common trait within my bloodline, and like many others in my family, I too have succumb to this fate. I can somewhat attribute my depression and anxiety symptoms to specific traumas, but the connection is too vague for me to see it as a cause. Anxiety specifically has been with me for as long as I can remember, so I simply see myself as a nervous wreck and never thought why I was like this.

I have multiple close family members who are psychology graduates. They introduced me to the idea of generational trauma. The concept being that your ancestors' experienced trauma is stored in your genes, causing you mental illness that is able to bypass environmental factors. This information lines up with why my 10+ years of therapy was only able to cure the symptom and not the disease.

After my autism diagnosis, I had found out that ASD is genetic and can be passed down, giving more clarity to my unresolved source of mental illness. I'm the only person in my family to be tested and now we're wondering if any other one of us has autism.

tl;dr: you can be born with mental illness that is resistant to environmental factors