Bowerbird
Member
- May 27, 2025
- 18
I have lurked here a few times, especially in the last month or so, as my life is rapidly changing, and I feel a sense of impending doom. I feel I have a few more months to stick around, but come August, there probably won't be any reason for me to exist anymore.
I'm a 21yo NEET who dropped out of school and barely finished year 10, I always wanted to be a veterinarian or something but no uni/course would accept me now, I am a lost cause. And even if by some miracle they did, I would probably end up flaking out and flunking – I'm just too LAZY and fatigued and unmotivated, I'm always so tired and sleep all the time, but no matter how much I sleep, it never seems to refresh me – it's like trying to fill a water bucket with a hole at the bottom.
Blood tests never find much (aside from low iron, but even after infusions I still feel tired). The problem is me – I am obsolete, like a defective rotary phone in a world full of smartphones and AI. I'm faulty/defective, there's just something wrong with how my brain works, mental illness runs RAMPANT in my bloodline after all.
I'm just a burden on society and the world has no place for me. There's already other people that can do anything I can but better. Sometimes I go through periods where things seem to improve, but it never lasts. My parents probably won't notice if I disappeared in the next few months since I'm on my own now, and they have their own life and things to worry about. I'm not sure my father would be happy if he found out what I am now.
Not sure what my options are in Australia, where it's basically impossible for me to get my hands on SN (and our borders are notoriously strict), but hey, I have a few months to plan.
I'm a 21yo NEET who dropped out of school and barely finished year 10, I always wanted to be a veterinarian or something but no uni/course would accept me now, I am a lost cause. And even if by some miracle they did, I would probably end up flaking out and flunking – I'm just too LAZY and fatigued and unmotivated, I'm always so tired and sleep all the time, but no matter how much I sleep, it never seems to refresh me – it's like trying to fill a water bucket with a hole at the bottom.
Blood tests never find much (aside from low iron, but even after infusions I still feel tired). The problem is me – I am obsolete, like a defective rotary phone in a world full of smartphones and AI. I'm faulty/defective, there's just something wrong with how my brain works, mental illness runs RAMPANT in my bloodline after all.
I'm just a burden on society and the world has no place for me. There's already other people that can do anything I can but better. Sometimes I go through periods where things seem to improve, but it never lasts. My parents probably won't notice if I disappeared in the next few months since I'm on my own now, and they have their own life and things to worry about. I'm not sure my father would be happy if he found out what I am now.
Not sure what my options are in Australia, where it's basically impossible for me to get my hands on SN (and our borders are notoriously strict), but hey, I have a few months to plan.
