At this point should I finish my final paper and graduate at least or just kill myself

[DoomedDarkCircles]

I don't think I can't take anymore my own emotional rollercoaster and my useless attempts to getting better. I became interested recently in attempt to enter a specific master's degree in Brazil, but I did fucking nothing in my undergraduation — due to I always have a feeling that I will kill myself and nothing that I do really matters — to have a chance in entering. My college's paper is almost done, but I don't know if it's really meaningful to finish. I mean, it's about something I really like and know about, but idk if it's really suitable and useful for the area: I must have strayed from the topic and it's possible I'm just writing about things I'm fixated about.

I feel I own my parents who love me and will be surely devastated with my suicide, at least, my graduation. Maybe things could get better? But I'm sick of trying to feel better, starting to feel better to I ended sabotating myself again. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of the things I could've been and I could have done if my brain was minimally normal. I have the SN here and I thing the only thing stopping me for CTBing next week is I don't know if it's still usable

 

[chillino]

I think you should give yourself a chance.

 

[stepanch1k]

If your parents truly love, I think you should be able to vent to them about your problems. At least finish your degree just in case that you do end up cbting so that some idiot won't be able to pull out the "he didn't even try" card

 

[lynxara]

Welp, I am currently in Bachelor. 2nd year, received not a single credit, wasted all the time doing bullshit, not really studying. My parents pay for my studies and it is eating me alive. I am in constant loop of depression, anxiety and lies to my parents that brought me to this point where I don't know if I want to live at all, because I fear the disappointment I brought to my parents. I betrayed them. I searched for a job and in my position of having not finished bachelor degree in CS, the only place I can work is an industrial plant and fast-food. I think that having almost finished degree in the field you like will definitely help. If I understood correctly - you are on finish line, correct me if I'm wrong. If so, then I hate to say it: push a little, it will really help. You are already in a better situation than me and a huge portion of your competition for a good position on the job in the field you enjoy. I am sure that when you finish your studies, with a free time you get, you can socialize, do what you like to do. The stress will die down a bit. I am no expert in the field, I am no expert in the psychology, just wanted to share an outsiders opinion. I wish you the best

 

[volo]

Graduate. Then test the sn. Then make a decision. Perhaps the mental pressure eases up after you graduate. Perhaps the sn is not good any more. You don't know.

 

[darksouls]

I am sorry you have to deal with this,
however you decide, I hope you can find some peace

 

[Nolongerlive]

As always the case with people like us we can't think too much or decide what we gonna to do the next minute , next day or next year. Our brains are in a state of chaos , lack of motivation , filled with anxiousnes or fear.

What i normally do is just do whatever i can . For you, you seems to have thoughts about finishing yr final paper, graduate, or even doing a master degree, just go ahead and do it. If you have decide to ctb, you can do it anytime. Maybe you can research on the best method you preferred during this period.

The main thing is, we always think too much. Try to be a little stupid maybe, dont care too much what will happen or the future.

 

[EndlessRage]

I don't think I can't take anymore my own emotional rollercoaster and my useless attempts to getting better. I became interested recently in attempt to enter a specific master's degree in Brazil, but I did fucking nothing in my undergraduation — due to I always have a feeling that I will kill myself and nothing that I do really matters — to have a chance in entering. My college's paper is almost done, but I don't know if it's really meaningful to finish. I mean, it's about something I really like and know about, but idk if it's really suitable and useful for the area: I must have strayed from the topic and it's possible I'm just writing about things I'm fixated about.

I feel I own my parents who love me and will be surely devastated with my suicide, at least, my graduation. Maybe things could get better? But I'm sick of trying to feel better, starting to feel better to I ended sabotating myself again. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of the things I could've been and I could have done if my brain was minimally normal. I have the SN here and I thing the only thing stopping me for CTBing next week is I don't know if it's still usable

That might lead to people thinking you were stressed about the exams

 

[Reeincarnation]

I think you should finish your paper.

if you have already decided for CBT but you are raising this question in the thread in the first place, then perhaps you already have the answer of what you'd like to do.

Finishing the paper and graduating could make you feel a sense of calmness and achievement before you leave.

Whatever you decide I hope it gets better for you soon, and you find your peace