Assume you won't go ctb until the moment you ctb. (Don't ruin your life further)

[loveletter4you]

Cause if you let yourself go, spend recklessly while being apathetic because you're about to die in a few days and you end up not dying..... you're now in a deeper hole than the one you started in

I regret not locking in last fall, I was certain I was going to die. I didn't, got sent to a psych ward in December. Spent the following months actively suicidal, trying to work out the details. Was definitely going to die in April,a phonecall from my sibling stopped that.

I was certain I was going to die by my birthday in June but I found out it wasn't fully game over for me and my sibling even spent 3k to help me,I can't let that go to waste,he wouldn't have needed to do that had I not given up. There's several things I regret not doing this winter because I thought to myself "it doesn't matter, I'm gonna die in a few days anyway" ,I now have to pay for the consequences of my inaction

I'll keep in mind next time I think "I'm gonna be dead soon anyway" that I'll likely still be alive and will suffer the consequences of my current inaction

I mean I still want to ctb but I need to do my best now to salvage the little I can salvage so things don't get worse. From now on if I ctb it'll be spontaneous,no more dragging it on

thank you