Are you going to air any grievances towards anyone in your note?

[Beyond_Repair]

I have my note written, and I have chosen to keep it pretty simple and straightforward without placing blame on anyone. And I'm sure that's how I'll leave it.

But...part of me is a still resentful that the people who are responsible for my trauma, who then continued to try to paint me as the one with issues, aren't going to be held accountable. I don't know if they've ever acknowledged to themselves what they did, and at this point I'm past the point of trying to gain any kind of resolution. I've tried bringing it up in the past, but it's been dismissed and ignored. So at least with this I would get the final say. Maybe that's just vindictive and cruel, and I probably won't end up doing it so I can continue to think of myself as a "good" person, but part of me really thinks about it

 

[-nobodyknows-]

In my case, absolutely not. I don't want people to blame themselves for what happened to me, even if they did play a part in it

 

[AmericanMary]

I'm name dropping as many of the six men who SAd me as I can. With as much proof as I can. With statements from other girls on some.

Also I'm going to attempt to start a fire at my company. I have quit two stores over sexual harassment. 15 girls have under one man.

I HOPE they blame themselves. But I know they don't give a fuck.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

In my case, absolutely not. I don't want people to blame themselves for what happened to me, even if they did play a part in it

Fair enough. I like your profile gif btw

I'm name dropping as many of the six men who SAd me as I can. With as much proof as I can. With statements from other girls on some.

Also I'm going to attempt to start a fire at my company. I have quit two stores over sexual harassment. 15 girls have under one man.

I HOPE they blame themselves. But I know they don't give a fuck.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. To be honest, if someone has the capability to SA someone, I don't think they probably give a fuck. I understand your plans in that regard

 

[sos]

if you're planning on ctb anyway; what would keep you from telling those people that their value in your life was little to zero and that they've done more harm to good face to face

i mean you've got nothing to lose; you might even get a good conversation out of it and not ctb at all

i wouldn't write it in a note. a goodbye note should be written for those you care about, not the ones you dislike

waste of a note in that case

 

[Gangrel]

Personally if someone wronged me and i feel like they caused my ctb i would name them, fuck it, it's my suicide note, it's my last essence here on earth, be as honest and raw as i can.

 

[No More Tears]

Nope, not leaving a note. What's the point?

 

[Beyond_Repair]

if you're planning on ctb anyway; what would keep you from telling those people that their value in your life was little to zero and that they've done more harm to good face to face

i mean you've got nothing to lose; you might even get a good conversation out of it and not ctb at all

i wouldn't write it in a note. a goodbye note should be written for those you care about, not the ones you dislike

waste of a note in that case

I've brought it up to them before, it's just been "that never happened", "I don't remember that", all that jazz. It's also not the sole reason I'm CTBing, but it was a core reason to why I am the way I am today, so it's kind of causing it indirectly

You're right though, I don't think I want the last thing I leave for people to remember me by to be negative

 

[3/4Dead]

This is something I'm wrestling with now that I'm writing my notes. My father, especially, has done a lot of damage to me in general and I plan to just not write him a person note at all, but my mother has been a large contibuting factor in just how much damage he's done to me, and I've been practically holding myself back from laying out everything they've done and how its impacted me. It's not worth it, all I want is for things to be at peace with each other once ive died but i feel like im also lying down and taking one of the worst injustices i've ever experienced.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I first became suicidal as a child in direct response to someone. If I had CTB at that point, I likely would have named them. Now, I likely won't. I'm more likely to say I'd had ideation for decades. That it wasn't some impulsive decision. But- some people out there definitely know where it all started and others likely know deep down. That's enough for me now. It's not like they are the direct reason anymore, although sometimes I suppose I wonder if I'd be where I am now without them. I love the phrase: 'I envy people who have never met you.' I think that sums it up really.

 

[Kalista]

yes.

why the fuck would i not use up the last of my time to show them how much they have hurt me? i will make sure every single one of them know that this is the result from what they've done to me. i'm miserable everyday.
there's no point in trying to be a 'better person' than them. to hold back the pain i've been inflicted is an insult to what i've felt and how i feel every fucking day when they refused to listen and understand anything that i've been dealing with.
that suicide note will be the last thing that will show how everything has been.

 

[2messdup]

I'd like to spray paint "you did this" on the front wall of where I work and ctb in front of the building. I'd also fantasised about putting pentobarbital from their dangerous drugs cupboard in a Prime bottle and swigging it during one of their self-esteem destroying "welfare" (joke) meetings. Won't though. And tbf, they were just the last straw that broke this camel's back. I may still mention them in my note to at least scare them into not doing the same to someone else.

yes.

why the fuck would i not use up the last of my time to show them how much they have hurt me? i will make sure every single one of them know that this is the result from what they've done to me. i'm miserable everyday.
there's no point in trying to be a 'better person' than them. to hold back the pain i've been inflicted is an insult to what i've felt and how i feel every fucking day when they refused to listen and understand anything that i've been dealing with.
that suicide note will be the last thing that will show how everything has been.

Agree. Why let them appear to be the good guys when they're "mourning" your death. Let everyone know what they did.

 

[BirdWithoutWings]

I consider myself a bad person, but I'm 100% going off on a handful of people in my notes. One to my ex who led me on for half a decade just to tell me he "didn't actually like me" and forced me to breakup with him via never responding to me or seeing me anymore (while still asking to hookup lol), one to my family as they supported my rapist while blaming him being in prison on me (i mean yeah, if you molest and rape your niece you'll end up in prison lol??)

My plan is to do written notes individually to them, as well as make an IG with recordings of anything extra for each of them which I'd leave at the bottom of the notes. That way all of their misdeeds are made public. I care very little about these individuals so frankly, I HOPE the notes leave them feeling like shit. They deserve it in my mind.

 

[TapeMachine]

I won't be able to write individual notes, nor will I will I be able to compose anything meaningful on the day I finally decide to leave this misery of mine behind. I have tried countless times to sit down and write letters, but the words never materialize.

So I started keeping a diary of sorts recently that I write in every now and then when I'm feeling especially emotional. It's meant to answer some of the inevitable questions my family members, "boyfriend", and any friends who might still care about me will have.

Given the distraught state of mind I tend to be in when putting my thoughts/feelings in writing, I'm bound to expose a few raw truths that some people will not enjoy reading about themselves, me, or other individuals. I feel awful about this though, and I really have to battle with myself not to rip out the especially incriminating pages. The truth is sometimes cumbersome.

 

[2messdup]

I won't be able to write individual notes, nor will I will I be able to compose anything meaningful on the day I finally decide to leave this misery of mine behind. I have tried countless times to sit down and write letters, but the words never materialize.

So I started keeping a diary of sorts recently that I write in every now and then when I'm feeling especially emotional. It's meant to answer some of the inevitable questions my family members, "boyfriend", and any friends who might still care about me will have.

Given the distraught state of mind I tend to be in when putting my thoughts/feelings in writing, I'm bound to expose a few raw truths that some people will not enjoy reading about themselves, me, or other individuals. I feel awful about this though, and I really have to battle with myself not to rip out the especially incriminating pages. The truth is sometimes cumbersome.

but maybe the truth is important too, as a learning experience for others.

 

[N33dT0D13]

No note, I don't trust that it'll be read in the first place, let alone not misconstrued, intentionally or otherwise.

 

[Moniker]

My feelings shift around a lot. Plenty of highs and lows within the span of a couple hours. I cut off friends just to get back with them the following day. Worst of all, it's very difficult for me to tell which of my feelings are delusional or not. That being said, I don't think I can write a coherent note.

Regardless, I don't think I'm anybody's concern. If I'm gone, whatever. They'll move on without me whether or not I blame them for my passing.

Maybe that's just vindictive and cruel, and I probably won't end up doing it so I can continue to think of myself as a "good" person, but part of me really thinks about it

If somebody is pushing you to your limit, then you've got every right to let them reap what they sowed. You aren't a bad person for considering that sort of thing.

 

[sugarb]

I have my note written, and I have chosen to keep it pretty simple and straightforward without placing blame on anyone. And I'm sure that's how I'll leave it.

But...part of me is a still resentful that the people who are responsible for my trauma, who then continued to try to paint me as the one with issues, aren't going to be held accountable. I don't know if they've ever acknowledged to themselves what they did, and at this point I'm past the point of trying to gain any kind of resolution. I've tried bringing it up in the past, but it's been dismissed and ignored. So at least with this I would get the final say. Maybe that's just vindictive and cruel, and I probably won't end up doing it so I can continue to think of myself as a "good" person, but part of me really thinks about it

I don't have any one person to call out. Just not the nature of my issues.

If I was calling out larger societal things-

- Being a high-functioning autistic male is an incredibly painful, isolating, repressed, and self-flagellating experience that often ends in suicide, it's largely society's fault, and nobody cares
- I rarely felt comfortable seeking help for any of my issues due to the stigma and the risk of involuntary confinement

but even if those were fixed, I probably would've CTBed anyway for philosophical reasons, not wanting to work, and general anhedonia, so there's not much point in adding that to the note. It'll probably just be "I was tired of life, don't blame yourselves, my body is at X location, goodbye, love you".

I won't be able to write individual notes, nor will I will I be able to compose anything meaningful on the day I finally decide to leave this misery of mine behind. I have tried countless times to sit down and write letters, but the words never materialize.

So I started keeping a diary of sorts recently that I write in every now and then when I'm feeling especially emotional. It's meant to answer some of the inevitable questions my family members, "boyfriend", and any friends who might still care about me will have.

Given the distraught state of mind I tend to be in when putting my thoughts/feelings in writing, I'm bound to expose a few raw truths that some people will not enjoy reading about themselves, me, or other individuals. I feel awful about this though, and I really have to battle with myself not to rip out the especially incriminating pages. The truth is sometimes cumbersome.

I'm keeping a diary, too. I wonder what they'll think of me when they find out what was going on in my head while I acted like everything was normal. :(

 

[Terios]

While I do harbor resentment for a particular person I wouldn't go as far as trying to make their life worse and potentially even have others blame them, even if I do feel like they played a big role in me coming to the conclusion to commit suicide, it would just become an unfair shitshow. I don't even care if they did not cry a single tear after knowing I did it, because this is about me wanting to end my pain first and for foremost.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I'm torn on this too. For years, the plan was a one sentence note. Then recently it became two - I sentence per person. Then a sentence of who I specifically don't want involved in making decisions for me if things go pear-shaped & for zero super etc to go to them. Of the people who have contributed to me being here - it would be like in The Bear when Carmy confronts his bully & says (approx) "I think about you too much)". And the response from the bully is "I don't think about you at all." I KNOW there's no getting through to some people, no matter how much trauma they have caused. But with my abusive ex, I really don't know - part of me would never ever ever have wanted someone to feel the burden of blame. But also, shouldn't it be spelled out exactly how bad he is, the depths he goes to??? But he is very charming as well, very respectable & believable Mr Nice Guy - if I wrote any of it down, he'd probably try to use it to show I was paranoid or bonkers or whatever. And then that would be my legacy. I've written a few angry post it's & really don't know what to do - I "guess" I loved him at the start & defs wouldn't have left angry message then, but now, with all the abuse & failure to acknowledge any of it, the rewriting of history while it's actually happening, the gaslighting that gets worse by the day - I really have to fortify myself on that one - remember the truth at all costs.
So end result is

 

[DeathSleep]

I wasn't originally going to do a note but now I've decided on a short practical one. Like who I want to leave the few things I have to. I don't expect people to follow my wishes though. Also, I think people are going to make up why they think I did it and are not going to really listen to my words anyhow. I'll still be misunderstood even if I spell it out for them.

For me I think it'll be more powerful with what I don't say. I'm not going to mention my family at all since they no longer talk to me and my mom was real cold towards me the last time we did talk.

 

[untothedepths]

i thought of it...but nah. when i get down to it, im a legacy of trash that just needs to rot and become forgotten. what would i tell a remaining abuser? how much they hurt me? yeah right, they would just deny it. that apology i want i'll never get, because they are, if you look at it in a twisted way, fortunately blessed into not giving two shits about how they destroyed me. and to the people i love? ive pushed most of them away, cause its hard to even be around them when you hate yourself as much as i do.

i am trash. i am a disease upon the world. the sooner i die, the better the world is off. there is no purpose for me to leave behind any note. i hardly deserve the right to speak.

 

[CosmicPaperCut]

personally i would. my parents especially have contributed to my mental health issues and i resent them for it. i dont want to die with any secrets cuz ive had to bottle up my feelings my whole life

 

[turnip]

One time a guy on Tinder asked me what my best friend would think I'd done if the police called her about me. I asked my former best friend what she would answer and she said "I'd think you killed yourself lol". I will be posting that screenshot alongside, I think.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

If somebody is pushing you to your limit, then you've got every right to let them reap what they sowed. You aren't a bad person for considering that sort of thing.

Thank you for saying that

 

[emma99]

Given that I haven't had much contact with my family in 16 years my note isnt going to be for them.
I actually have two notes. 1 is for the person who will discover my body and is actually an audio note
rather than a physical note, because my hand writing is messy and given that printing software
can first scan what it prints, I don't want to use a public printer to print my note.

This note covers my reasons in basic detail. however given that my decision
is based on the repeated failures of an organisation who have so far tried to bury my complaints
My real note is a 12 page document which goes into specific failures.
and this i will be time delay sending to a news outlet

I reckon that if my situation had been listened to things may of turned out differently
and I also know i am not the only one suffering based on the failures I have experienced
so i reckon that if things cant change for me, it doesn't mean they cant change for others.

"It is the cause and not the death, that makes the martyr" - Napoleon Bonaparte

 

[Tarrasque]

If I manage to CTB, I'm going to leave a note that to the best of my ability describes what I'm going through in the hopes that it helps people understand it wasn't some stupid impulsive decision but the choice to stop hurting. That means opening up about the vague idea of abuse and trauma but what I don't want is revenge through guilt, so I will not be naming names or being explicit about what was done to me. I do not want to perpetuate the cycle. If I was suffering from deliberate and extreme abuse I'd be singing a different tune though, I don't believe in being blindly merciful to truly evil people.

 

[dimgobaith]

I'm thinking of doing different notes for different people. One person I plan on writing that I lay my decision at their feet as their actions have contributed 90% to the decision. The person is in a position of authority and I may forward a copy of theirs to the media also.

A couple of others will get notes telling them not to blame themselves.



My mother who has been nothing but a controlling narcissist will get nothing.

 

[Meowmeownextweek]

I don't want anyone to feel guilty for my death, so no.

The only person I would do that to would be my mother. But she does not even deserve a note and she is gone from my life, so I won't leave anything for her.

 

[TapeMachine]

but maybe the truth is important too, as a learning experience for others.

While I wholeheartedly agree that the truth can be important, I just don't think the majority of people really care about reality/truth unless those things already happen to align with their preconceived ideals, nor do many people care to learn from their mistakes/experiences. Perhaps I'm jaded, but I've seen it time and time again.

My older brother killed himself in February of 2022 or '23 (? sorry, I have a poor grasp on the passing of time...), and every single one of my family members learned nothing. Nothing. They carry on the same as before. So I think it's safe to say that the same will happen when I liberate myself as well. But I'm still leaving that diary behind, should anyone care to read it.