Discussion Are you better or worse off because of this site?

[ctbcat]

If I'm honest, I do feel as if I was worse off for a period, but I am still grateful to this site for giving me an outlet when I otherwise had none. I dislike that people are culturally conditioned to tattle to authorities when their friends express ideation or intent, & as far as I'm aware things have not always been that way. The fear of sectioning will make anyone reclusive & self-censoring.

 

[darksouls]

better off

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

I feel better just bc i have a place to go where i dont feel like im gonna get put back into isolation or like im gonna have all eyes on me for wanting to die

 

[hurts2b]

I'm not scared of sanctions. They never happen for ideation alone (where I live) that's written into our health policy.
I'm not 100% set on my intent or method, so they can't sanction me on that basis either.

I like this site though. Next-to-no robots, no ads, no influencers, nobody begging for your money, no rent seeking from the site owners. I just like the fourm style internet I think.

Dunno if this place has any effect on my mental state beyond giving me something to do with my endless free time. Unemployment is a bitch either way.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel better off- in terms of having a place I feel able to vent and be honest about how I feel. In terms of my attitides towards and probability that I will suicide- that has stayed the same.

 

[starboy2k]

better off.

when you are used to people in real life pushing you aside, dismissing the thoughts THEY ASK YOU FOR because you may be a little pessimistic and realistic ….its a breathe of fresh air to be in a forum with people who hears you, make you feel seen and not make you feel crazy for noticing and acknowledging shit society generally ignores because everyone wants to wear those "rose colored lens" when its benefits them personally.

 

[Front Back]

Reading other vent makes me better and doing research for better CTB plan makes it better, I'll die for sure but that doesn't mean any worse.

 

[returntothestars]

Better. I've lived with suicidal ideation since childhood and am now in my late twenties. It's an outlet for me. One where I don't have to fear involuntary commitment.

 

[skiski_what]

I'm in kind of a gray area, for so long I could think about doing some things and have the intention of doing that. This place has given me a way to make that a reality with the help of people who are experienced or have information I probably wouldn't have gotten on my own. I've even met some cool people and speak openly on topics considered "taboo." But now its 90% of what I think about. While that isn't a bad thing necessarily since ctb'ing will come one way or another, I've still gotta fake it till i make it if yk what im laying lol

At least here, I don't have to be worried about entitling to people that would only be there when they needed something, near everyone here I've met has been nice and considerate, even though most of us are going through very real and harsh problems. I've never been a part of a forum, and this has been a nice first time being involved somewhere like this.

 

[sleazyyyy]

If I'm honest, I do feel as if I was worse off for a period, but I am still grateful to this site for giving me an outlet when I otherwise had none. I dislike that people are culturally conditioned to tattle to authorities when their friends express ideation or intent, & as far as I'm aware things have not always been that way. The fear of sectioning will make anyone reclusive & self-censoring.

I feel better off on this site.

Whenever I tried telling people how I felt before, it was always the same distant comfort. "I hope you get through this," "you'll move forward eventually." as if I wasn't already trying my hardest to stay afloat. It felt like I was drowning while everyone else stood safely on the shore telling me to swim harder.

But here, I found something different.

It didn't cure my depression or erase my desire to CTB. Those feelings are still mine. But there's comfort in knowing other people carry the same heaviness and are still here anyway. There's something healing about being heard without judgment, without being treated like a problem that needs to be fixed immediately. There is comfort in realizing suffering is not isolating in the way I once believed it was.

For the first time in a while, I feel less alone in my suffering. Because I feel, finally, that someone else, somewhere in the world, knows the shape of my suffering, and chooses to sit besides it with me instead of turning it away.

 

[Matchaaa]

I feel better off, I love this forum and everyone :)

 

[Bitterly_Nostalgic]

Currently I'm better off. I believe that venting about things that I'm not yet ready to share with real people in my life has been a good outlet for me, and reading other people's vents helps me feel less alone. As I make more progress on trying to get better I'm sure I'll start to feel differently and need to leave this place, but until then, this site continues to be useful to me.

 

[uklad38]

I think I feel better off, if it wasn't for this site I would have never found SN and found there are so many people in similar situations and that's it's okay to openly talk about it.

That's not really the case in real life. It's interesting and at the same time sad to read people's experiences and also people's struggles.

I browse through a lot of threads and try interact where possible, there are also a lot of supportive people on here, so whether you're at a stage where you have made the decision to go, or looking for a road to recovery, there's plenty of support on here

 

[buriedinmyhead]

Better off. I can actually vent here without censorship and talk to people going through the same shit, which makes me feel less alone. I still have plenty of days where I want to cbt, but it's not as bad anymore.

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

Not entirely sure which one I am but I've reached a point where I don't even care. I'm going to kill myself eventually either way, so... whatever.

 

[Malfunction]

No different. More informed.

 

[dhk96]

Currently, better off.

Spoiler: Wall of text that probably doesn't make much sense and reads as rambling:

If I'm not going through the guilt (towards my parents) and sadness "phase," then I could be considered worse off while using SaSu. But when I'm in my anger and resentment "phase," the rage and frustration outweigh everything and I feel better off while using SaSu because I have no where else to vent. A phase tends to go for a few years before flip flopping back to the other.

I like to think that I prefer being angry over feeling guilty (not that I like being angry). I don't want to feel guilty for wanting to die/leaving before my parents because I've felt that way long enough. It would be too unfair to have anything other than SI holding me back. I also think it would be easier for me to CTB when I'm consumed by anger rather than sadness because of how much more intense the desire to act on my desire is. There is some comfort out of believing that.

I've been in the anger phase for a long time now (the last time was maybe early high school before I went into a longer than expected guilt phase). The longer I am in this phase, the more I regress into the mindset of a selfish child. But that is much more comforting to me even if it makes me worse off socially.

I don't know what I would have done if I wasn't able to vent about the past few years on here. I had no one to turn to because my parents would always side with my older sister instead of me. Growing up, even if my sister and I were fighting with each other and she had yelled at me first, my mom would always cut the argument short the second after I had yelled back at my sister and tell ME to stop yelling. Never in my life has she ever told my sister to stop first.

I think I'm too self-aware to actually go insane and wreak havoc upon my sister like in fiction but it really feels like I should be allowed to. How do you fuck up an already depressed/suicidal person's life to this extent in a matter of two to three years? You will never understand the degree of hatred I have towards you, Sis.

The amount of comfort and relief I've felt from being able to vent about her on SaSu won't undo the mess but it has certainly helped me mentally/emotionally.

 

[abcdefg789]

Both.
I get obssessed with being on this site which is not good.

CTB is exceptionally hard to do, and I doubt if I'll be able to do it when it comes to the crunch. So this is only harming me to be coming back here.


On the other hand, it's probably helped me not do methods which were only going to harm me. e.g. taking all the pills in my medicine cabinet. which I didn't after reading the post on "non methods". similarly slashing my wrists.