Discussion Anyone wish they left earlier? Before it got unexpectedly worse than you could imagine

[fkyou]

Yes. I wish I had done so in fourth grade instead of letting the fears, anxiety, anger, and despair compound and turn the dreaded possibility of becoming a useless person into a reality. Having Peter Pan Syndrome and my not so nice worldview cloud my sight so early on just killed off any potential in me to change or believe that I could change.

I knew I had to go and yet I let each year pass by me hoping that an older me would finally have the means/courage to CTB.

I never prepared myself for the future since I lived like I was already going to die. Instead I tried so hard to pretend that I was doing my best at every superficial milestone or aspect of my life with certain expectations, and I have nothing to show for it because all my effort and mental energy went into faking it until I just couldn't.

And I'm still here, way past every deadline I set for myself. Just a mutant child stuck in an adult body who felt like they never had the chance to grow up. My future was my nightmare and my nightmare is now my reality.

Yeah that's exactly what I did . exept I can't bear this longer .the only reason I wanted to suicide is to avoid living an ugly reality that would shatter my heart but i did exactly that I stayed here for a long time living that ugly reality.its not that I didn't want to go or wasn't serious it's that time went so fast and the time that I thought would be enough to fullfil my love for life wasn't actually enough and I kept procrastinating few months but you know few months plus few months is a year and now I'm in the third year I feel like a fool.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes, I should have went 6 years ago, N was available then

 

[wyo777]

Yes, I should have went 6 years ago, N was available then

It is available

 

[ManOfTheYear]

I stayed for others, my choices were always in vain.

 

[xchilipeppers]

My first attempt was at 11. I would tell 11 year old me to have done a better job and spare himself additional years of suffering.

Honestly same but I think I was 12. I ended up calling for help. Wish I never had.

 

[Rhaaz]

Me. 5 years ago I was already sitting in the train tracks, when I backed out because it was too long for the train. Since then I promised to improve and not be a burden to my family and not be a loser. Well right now that didn't pay off, not an ounce, even worse of a burden, and more loser and outcast than before. So yes I wish I didn't live 5 years ago and the train ended me

 

[dead dav]

Yes I should have hung myself in 2020 would have been so much easier then

 

[Defenestration]

Yes in 2004

 

[ThatRussianDude]

I planned to. I knew it would get much worse. But i didnt. Yet even now all I do is plan, no action.

 

[divinemistress36]

It is available

In South America

 

[Endisclose]

I had a nice bottle of SN 99 Percent purity 4 years ago but didnt use it and i really regret it, because it seems a lot harder to get SN here in Germany nowadays

You had?..does that mean you no longer have it with you? Or do you mean you can't use it cause it's 4 years old?

 

[Zerengin96]

You had?..does that mean you no longer have it with you? Or do you mean you can't use it cause it's 4 years old?

It expired

 

[dontsaveher]

I hate myself for ever thinking things could get better for someone like me. For some reason I have a fear of missing out on things in this life I guess but then I realise I haven't missed out on much since the last 3 years when I was initially gonna CTB anyway. Those rare, fleeting moments of joy are not worth putting myself through this suffering

 

[SkySocket]

Yes, I wish ctb occurred back in 2017. The amount of havoc since then is ridiculous.

 

[WeepingWorm]

Yeah, ideally before 2012 or so. 2016 was the next cutoff point. It's as if I'm living so long on borrowed time in some alternate twisted timeline where every event in the world is tinged with the flavor of something absurd that should not be happening. It's not me, it is someone else. The greatest fears about losing the precious parts of myself have turned into reality. There's a dead body walking for over a decade.

 

[qewpie]

i wish i was more suicidal before N became unavailable bc i def would've bought it and had it ready and i could use it now to escape my incredible physical suffering

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Absolutely, I hate that I allowed hope to get to me. Now it feels like a waiting game till I finally build up the courage.