Discussion Anyone else in a relationship with intention to CTB?

[IWantAPerfectSoul]

I guess I find a lot of people talking about a lack of relationships but I've always thought and still think they don't solve any problems you currently have.

I intend to CTB once I acquire SN, but I am in a current relationship (1 year+) in which I haven't disclosed anything and don't intend to.

I've come to a realisation that at this point I don't care what happens after I CTB, and if I told them I'm pretty sure they'd get someone involved. Is that inherently selfish, to not care? Would it better to break up to lighten the blow? Anybody else like that?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a relationship and one of the things that scares me is how my ctbing might impact my partner. He has his own mental health struggles and has also attempted in the past. I don't want to hurt him. He means so much to me. I'm especially scared of the idea of him blaming himself for my suicide and suffering because of it. On the one hand, I want to attempt again at some point, but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt him.

 

[IWantAPerfectSoul]

I'm in a relationship and one of the things that scares me is how my ctbing might impact my partner. He has his own mental health struggles and has also attempted in the past. I don't want to hurt him. He means so much to me. I'm especially scared of the idea of him blaming himself for my suicide and suffering because of it. On the one hand, I want to attempt again at some point, but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt him.

Honestly I understand, especially when your partner has their own struggles. Sometimes I wonder if I go through with it would I be screwing him up for life too? But I also remind myself people die all the time, in 10 years he'd probably move on by then, or not, I won't be there to care.

 

[Namelesa]

When I was in my 2nd relationship, I did have thoughts of ctb as well as attempts. For me relationships do fill the void thats caused by my feelings of emptiness but it causes other problems such as fear of abandonment, worthlessness and resentment if I feel like its one-sided, paranoia about doing anything wrong and having intense guilt if I did anything wrong, little or big.

It is somewhat selfish to ctb but its also selfish to keep someone suffering here if they are sure they want to die early. In my personally opinion you shouldn't break up before you ctb as I would feel less pain from my partner committing suicide compared to them leaving me and then ctbing, but that may be just cus I am pro-choice and sympathize with people who do ctb.

If you want to lessen their pain as much as possible while still wanting to commit suicide then the best way is break up with them then wait at least 1 year to ctb so they have less to no emotional attachment to you and probably don't interact with you so they won't know or be effected as much by your suicide. I would only do this tho if you don't like the relationship to begin with or you are very sure you want to ctb.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Honestly I understand, especially when your partner has their own struggles. Sometimes I wonder if I go through with it would I be screwing him up for life too? But I also remind myself people die all the time, in 10 years he'd probably move on by then, or not, I won't be there to care.

The issue is, not everyone is able to move on. Along with that, moving on might be harder in his case due to him not having too many family members left and also having some mental health issues. It might make coping with it harder for him. I don't want to cause him to suffer, I want to protect him from it. At the same time, I don't want to live. Sometimes I wonder if it would be best to break up with him, but a selfish part of me doesn't want to. I love him too much, plus I'm scared that doing that will also end up hurting him a lot.

Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about peacefully dying in his arms but sadly I don't think that it'll ever come true.

 

[IWantAPerfectSoul]

When I was in my 2nd relationship, I did have thoughts of ctb as well as attempts. For me relationships do fill the void thats caused by my feelings of emptiness but it causes other problems such as fear of abandonment, worthlessness and resentment if I feel like its one-sided, paranoia about doing anything wrong and having intense guilt if I did anything wrong, little or big.

It is somewhat selfish to ctb but its also selfish to keep someone suffering here if they are sure they want to die early. In my personally opinion you shouldn't break up before you ctb as I would feel less pain from my partner committing suicide compared to them leaving me and then ctbing, but that may be just cus I am pro-choice and sympathize with people who do ctb.

If you want to lessen their pain as much as possible while still wanting to commit suicide then the best way is break up with them then wait at least 1 year to ctb so they have less to no emotional attachment to you and probably don't interact with you so they won't know or be effected as much by your suicide. I would only do this tho if you don't like the relationship to begin with or you are very sure you want to ctb.

Maybe it does vary between relationships, but I honestly am in a really loving relationship but that alone isn't enough to change my mind. I think it would be more merciful to lessen their pain as much as possible but to tell someone to wait a year, I'll be causing pain regardless.

The issue is, not everyone is able to move on. Along with that, moving on might be harder in his case due to him not having too many family members left and also having some mental health issues. It might make coping with it harder for him. I don't want to cause him to suffer, I want to protect him from it. At the same time, I don't want to live. Sometimes I wonder if it would be best to break up with him, but a selfish part of me doesn't want to. I love him too much, plus I'm scared that doing that will also end up hurting him a lot.

Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about peacefully dying in his arms but sadly I don't think that it'll ever come true.

Wow I feel like we're in almost identical scenarios. I do think in either situation, there will always be pain involved. Sometimes I wish I never got into a relationship in the first place, less hurt to go around.

 

[CogitoMori]

I've been with my partner for almost 6 years. They're part of the reason I want to ctb. They promised to protect me and then hurt me. I can't trust them anymore.

 

[yowai]

I met my current partner 5 years ago a was super happy at the beginning and couldn't imagine life without them but things happened and I'm back to being depressed with even bigger problem, I'm not convinced about trying to better myself for them anymore and would rather go my own way. He loves me and still believes in me after I fucked up so many times but it doesn't matter if I hate being alive

 

[Blue Dream]

I guess I find a lot of people talking about a lack of relationships but I've always thought and still think they don't solve any problems you currently have.

I intend to CTB once I acquire SN, but I am in a current relationship (1 year+) in which I haven't disclosed anything and don't intend to.

I've come to a realisation that at this point I don't care what happens after I CTB, and if I told them I'm pretty sure they'd get someone involved. Is that inherently selfish, to not care? Would it better to break up to lighten the blow? Anybody else like that?

At one point I was like this. The more pain you feel the harder it is to be considerate of others. Plus yes, if you don't want interventions, keep your mouth shut.