Venting Anyone else have everything ready but struggles to do it?

[tooafraidtodiez]

I have everything ready meto,benzo,antacid and painkiller. But the last line of defense SI is tough to go against. IDK why i keep holding on even though i'm suffering. Maybe once a bad day arrive, I'll be able to crush my SI. Anyone else in my shoes?

 

[supercoolgummybear]

I've deleted everything on all my devices and have all the materials to do it, but I'm just too scared to actually go through with it. I've tried to attempt by overdosing on adderall and emptied all the pills into a can of Dr. Pepper, but I just sobbed uncontrollably for an hour while I tried to muster up the courage to then ended up going to sleep.

 

[KnightOfSwords]

I keep telling myself that if I'm hesitating today, it means it's not the time for me yet

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

For me to CTB I need two conditions to be met: 1) I'm able to fast 8-10 hours on a given day and 2) I feel sufficiently bad. So far this has only happened twice while I've had my SN— both times I blacked out cause my weak ass took too many benzos… oops.

I keep telling myself that if I'm hesitating today, it means it's not the time for me yet

I feel the same, often I'll look at my fast timer of 10+ hours and think "ehh, not today". My circumstances have also changed after getting a boyfriend.

 

[RyeSalRuff2]

I keep postponing it too I suppose. I suppose my issue is that I haven't scouted the place I want to ctb in and I haven't bought any painkillers yet but that's not an issue at all. Still my biggest worry is that I'll miss something truly great and somehow secretely hope that life will magically get better. It won't. My brain is a manipulative liar so I suppose the best bet would be to just ignore anything it says right? I am also in your shoes, wish you the best of luck and me to mine.

 

[chudpolonais]

all i need to do is write my letter and muster up the strength to do it, i'm afraid the latter will take so, so much time

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yup.

 

[CharcoalEnjoyer]

yeah

 

[kq711]

Im in the same boat. My method was nitrogen. I got the tank and hardware and ran tests and everything is in place. But I cant get myself to do it.

I realized in order to be successful i need to overcome SI. And the reality is setting up the tank connection and strapping urself in place take time. 5 minutes minimum.

So now my new method is a firearm. Why the change?

Cus lets say I have a strong desire to CTB, I can load a gun and put it in my mouth and do it within 20 seconds. Just one small hand movement from there and all my problems are gone.

So although nitrogen is painless, if I have a strong desire to CTB with nitrogen, I have to have that desire to CTB for minimum 5 minutes while I set up. If my SI takes over for even a bit, I may call the plan quits. Thats the component I didnt factor when I originally picked this method years ago.

But with a gun HOPEFULLY I can overcome my SI by being able to do it so fast, "on the spot" so to say.

30 seconds contemplation vs 5 minutes.

Just waiting to get my permit approval to buy a gun, should be soon tho

 

[urgent]

I'm the opposite. I'm in so much overwhelming pain I want to do it now. I don't have a way because of my health and situation. I know I could be a good partner for someone who is in a situation where they can't get better, no cure, and we could end the agony.

 

[beyonddone]

I have everything ready meto,benzo,antacid and painkiller. But the last line of defense SI is tough to go against. IDK why i keep holding on even though i'm suffering. Maybe once a bad day arrive, I'll be able to crush my SI. Anyone else in my shoes?

Yes i feel this way just im scared of it not working… if i had more certainty i would be gone, theres not an ounce of me that wants to keep going… i already fucked my body up bad & made my health 50x worse than it is when i ODed 3 months ago… unfortunately i was found hours after i took all the pills and was fucked up for days… this time i have no choice but to rent a hotel room or air bnb so fucking up isnt an option or ill be in worse shit…. I want to do CO method but keep reading shit on here that has me second guessing everything i had planned!

 

[beyonddone]

any opinions on this please please reply…
So i just remembered my dr prescribed me beta blockers… i never took them (obviously) nor have i took them before so no clue what they do to someone, anyway i have a bottle of 60 they are 20mg propranolol … it says taking this alone is very lethal… i also have a couple hundred 1mg benzos to mix with it…
I tried to OD like 2.5 months ago and failed & fucked my body up hence the prescription for this med due to my heartrate being high (over 140) and BP dangerously high (190/110)
So im thinking about taking all this at once..
And due to the damage i did to myself on my last OD (i was found but wont be this time) i think this could possibly work…
Im still searching for fent with hopes of finding it but running out of time i need to ctb by the weekend at the lastest, i have my reasons plus i been here way longer than i wanted to already to begin with!

any opinions on this please please reply…
So i just remembered my dr prescribed me beta blockers… i never took them (obviously) nor have i took them before so no clue what they do to someone, anyway i have a bottle of 60 they are 20mg propranolol … it says taking this alone is very lethal… i also have a couple hundred 1mg benzos to mix with it…
I tried to OD like 2.5 months ago and failed & fucked my body up hence the prescription for this med due to my heartrate being high (over 140) and BP dangerously high (190/110)
So im thinking about taking all this at once..
And due to the damage i did to myself on my last OD (i was found but wont be this time) i think this could possibly work…
Im still searching for fent with hopes of finding it but running out of time i need to ctb by the weekend at the lastest, i have my reasons plus i been here way longer than i wanted to already to begin with!

Oh i meant to add this to my post…
I know overdoses are likely to fail but not if its with the right medication, persons health condition, etc

 

[eesabtbad]

I've been thinking about my bsf all the time. I love her, she's so young and delicate. She had an attempt a year ago and I'm afraid she may relapse because of me, but I believe she's strong enough to keep living. She has actual joy out of her life, every door is open for her, has therapy, loving mother and friends.
She is the only reason I am still alive, but it should end this night.

 

[beyonddone]

any opinions on this please please reply…
So i just remembered my dr prescribed me beta blockers… i never took them (obviously) nor have i took them before so no clue what they do to someone, anyway i have a bottle of 60 they are 20mg propranolol … it says taking this alone is very lethal… i also have a couple hundred 1mg benzos to mix with it…
I tried to OD like 2.5 months ago and failed & fucked my body up hence the prescription for this med due to my heartrate being high (over 140) and BP dangerously high (190/110)
So im thinking about taking all this at once..
And due to the damage i did to myself on my last OD (i was found but wont be this time) i think this could possibly work…
Im still searching for fent with hopes of finding it but running out of time i need to ctb by the weekend at the lastest, i have my reasons plus i been here way longer than i wanted to already to begin with!

Oh i meant to add this to my post…
I know overdoses are likely to fail but not if its with the right medication, persons health condition, etc

Well i am gonna get a refill.. and take #120 of these 20mg propranolol beta blockers along with atleast 100mg of benzos… in the next couple days… if anyone cares if this medication (since it can be prescribed for a few reasons) works to ctb
Clearly is im not back on here after a couple days it works