Anyone else feel they’re too far in to back out now?

[Already_dead]

I've not been suicidal my whole life, only about 5 years or so, but I already feel I'm in too deep to try to recover.

I've spent the past five years going between recovery and struggle, most of which I spent thinking/making plans to kill myself. After losing my friends, interests, and religion, suicide seems to be the key defing element of my identity. Maybe that sounds dramatic but that's how it feels. I just have no motivation left to turn my life around, even if I could. I would have no desire to keep living even if i suddenly became successful. My mindset is just so used to wanting to die, it doesn't want to change. I feel stuck.

Any thoughts?

 

[Hollowman]

Yep. No thoughts about it though. My mind's blank af.

 

[hemlocked]

The way I see it nobody's too far in to back out until they're dead.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Same. At some point I crossed a threshold and now I can never go back -- nor do I want to.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

At first it was impulsive, and I just wanted to see if I could make my setup work for the sake of killing myself. Then I dropped my suicidal thoughts after that impulse was satisfied. Then I tried to go on a journey of finding myself and realized I was good at nothing, and I seriously got suicidal. I got all the things for my setup, including the chair and restraints (exit bag method) and it seems like I'm really in it and there's no backing out now.

 

[painfully]

I still have some time to back out... But im already in my final years... I dont think ill be here in 10 years, probably not even in 5...

I cant live this shit life alone... But there is no fixing this...

 

[Forveleth]

I do not believe in it being too late until you are dead.

 

[_Maya]

I always say i don't think im ever going to recover. Like if for whatever reason in the future i didn't want to kill myself, i'd still have to do it cause i'm not ready for life.

 

[hemlocked]

Fair enough. We all feel and think in our own ways. If you don't feel you can back out then I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Hollowman]

I still have some time to back out... But im already in my final years... I dont think ill be here in 10 years, probably not even in 5...

I cant live this shit life alone... But there is no fixing this...

Same

 

[Rynalia]

Realistically speaking, I've been neglecting my health and wellness for years by this point.

Combine that with the abuse I've subjected my body (read: organs) to, I'll never actually be able to turn back in a health sense. The damage is done and it cannot get better.

Is it too late? Technically no-- I could somehow change my tune and not seek to take my life. The only caveat is that I certainly don't have as long of a remaining timeline as one would expect from someone my age.

But do I care to turn back? Hah. No way. I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.

I'm cornering myself health wise so I can't ever turn back no matter how much I would want to.