Discussion Anyone else feel obligated to stay?

[CatAstro.Fee]

This may be too specific but I feel like I have to stay even though I really don't want to.

One is because of my nephew. He deserves to grow up in a better world. It just breaks my heart to hear how worse everything is getting, with parts of nature dying and our food being poisoned, people being more racist. Everything. I want him to be happy and safe and it breaks my heart to see how innocent he is and reminds me of myself before everything. I don't want for him to find out what happened to me.

He's also not the only kid I worry about. I've seen some very awful things as result of the U.S. Bodies who were once children who live far away from me. So many atrocities that are preventable and it frustrates me, but also reminds me where I need to put my anger towards.

Alot of people I've met seem to genuinely lack a care for others and how they treat people. I've been physically attacked, called slurs, sexually assaulted, laughed at, just mistreated for a majority of my life, even by people that love me. A big part of me wanting to ctb is because of this.

I really want to help people though. I really want to be part of causes and have been before. I want to talk about the things no one wants to talk about, give things I don't need anymore. I want to do so much. I have done helpful things already and it feels so good. I love when people actually want to work with me. I have gotten access to things as a result of people pushing to make it happen.

I don't want to feel obligated to stay but I do because of the bystander effect. It sucks even if it's good... Just wanna hear your guys' thoughts, I feel kinda annoyed and worried.

 

[Tombadil]

Same here. I might have to stay a little longer to manage not to break my mothers heart more. I feel like like i laid down to rest and have to drag myself up again - perhaps. It feels very exhausting having to consider staying a bit longer.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's so caring that you want to be there for your nephew and to help others. I only really have one person I feel obligated to now- my Dad. But, my obligation to him is very strong.

If I'm being brutally honest, I wouldn't say we were close practically- if that makes sense? Like- some people will feel they owe their parents so much- because they did so much for them. It may be harsh to say but, I think both my Dad and I have made very selfish decisions. If anything, one of his decisions- to remarry (likely) knowingly put me in danger. That lead to me developing ideation to begin with. I also hold an unpleasant resentment towards both my parents (although, my Mum's dead,) for bringing me here in the first place. I also tend to think that was a selfish decision to please them- rather than something they actually practically thought through.

Where my loyalty comes in though- is who I feel my Dad is deep down. He didn't do any of these things with malice. His intentions are largely kind. Plus- he's already gone through so much shit in life and, I do love him. Enough to not want to bring intense hurt into his life.

I also feel obliged to work and support myself. I got lumbered with a strong work ethic. So, that's also an obligation I don't feel able to shake off but, it's another I feel deep resentment towards. I don't believe it's fair to give a sentient being life and then, expect them to work and pay for it. That looks like slavery to me because ultimately- most of us don't get the choice. We're effectively brought here to work and contribute to society.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry but when my time comes, I'm not waiting for anyone! Feel free to join me, but I have to go!

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

He didn't do any of these things with malice. His intentions are largely kind. Plus- he's already gone through so much shit in life and, I do love him. Enough to not want to bring intense hurt into his life.

Resentment towards parents bringing me here, yes as well. I know one of them didn't want me to hurt, and you recognize the same about your own dad, which is hard to do. I find my blame has shifted to the way society works, and the people that have hurt me are meant to be protected :/
I don't want to hurt my other parent either, I think about how it could play out and it's just, I can't.

I am also not close with my dad and it's for the better to say the least, and that may not be the case for you at all, sometimes just not able to form much of a relationship and like you said resentment.

I also feel obliged to work and support myself. I got lumbered with a strong work ethic. So, that's also an obligation I don't feel able to shake off but, it's another I feel deep resentment towards. I don't believe it's fair to give a sentient being life and then, expect them to work and pay for it. That looks like slavery to me because ultimately- most of us don't get the choice. We're effectively brought here to work and contribute to society.

I agree with you very much on not having the choice to work. The way someone described it once was 'bleeding money'. It's awful, and contributer of one of the reasons why I want to fight so much. I think it's good atleast you have the drive for yourself, to do something for you. I lack care for myself, bedrot, all the works. No fun.

I hope things are easier on you and that your job is tolerable and not problematic.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yeah I cant hurt my siblings or my dad or my freinds. Putting them through the grief idk.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

Yeah I cant hurt my siblings or my dad or my freinds. Putting them through the grief idk.

I feel the same. I also just feel like, kind of blunt but, my parents put so much effort into raising me and I think of it from an outsider perspective. All those years and money and time just for me to die. It's self-blaming and I don't like it but at the same time it is reality and I atleast want to try and make the money back or something.
Sorry you feel that way because it's honestly a lot of pressure, but it shows you have empathy and care about people's feelings atleast
Thanks for indulging :>

 

[WakingNightmare]

yeah same

 

[Jun123]

I completly understand what you mean, I just feel sometimes that the lifes of the people I love would be better without me in them. That even if I dont want to, I'll end up hurting them in the end anyways. That they would grieve for some time but then could countinue a better life without me in it.