Discussion Anyone Else Feel Fine for a Few Days and Then Feel Suicidal Again?

[OutOfThisBody]

Title

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

"Charles reigned in a time of havoc, but in all such times there are unaffected places filled with beauty and games, music and dancing, love and work. While clouds of smoke by day and the glow of flames by night mark burning towns, the sky over the neighboring vicinity is clear; where the screams of tortured prisoners are heard in one place, bankers count their coins and peasants plow behind placid oxen somewhere else. Havoc in a given period does not cover all the people all the time." - A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century by Barbara Tuchman.

 

[human909]

I used too, it doesn't happen anymore to me sadly.

 

[ma0]

Closest I get is a few hours without feeling absolutely nothing.

 

[slinkey10]

Title

yep! constant cycle of feeling like this...

 

[outrider567]

Haven't felt fine in years

 

[Namelesa]

Yep. Its often a cycle of I randomly or something happening making me feel happy or okay then something happening or me getting drained again that makes me feel miserable again. I actually started to feel happy a few days ago and excited about making something new but my best friend has left and blocked me suddenly when I thought he was going to ctb yesterday so I feel so worthless and poop now.

 

[SeekingOasis]

I can relate. Things will keep me temporarily occupied, like a favorite youtuber of mine uploading a new video or talking to a friend. But once that's done and over with, that familiar feeling starts gnawing at my stomach. It fucking sucks.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Yes, for me it usually relates to hormones and the mood swings it causes. The luteal phase of a woman's cycle really fucks me over…and can last a few weeks before the dreaded period even starts.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

Yes, for me it usually relates to hormones and the mood swings it causes. The luteal phase of a woman's cycle really fucks me over…and can last a few weeks before the dreaded period even starts.

Have you gone to the doctor about PMS or PMDD? Not an expert but I think they can cause that

 

[onlyforever1]

yes it's called borderline personality disorder

 

[Mooncry]

Absolutely. And it feels so manipulative, like I'm gaslighting myself into believing I'm actually okay, and that the problem doesn't exist. I'm so sick of it. It's kept me locked in this cycle for way too long.

 

[areyousafe??]

I was happy yesterday and today...still wanted to ctb. Anyone else relate?

 

[*Winter-Volume*]

I go from being in the blackest deepest hole, to actually feeling good. It's not mania when I feel good, just not depression. I guess I should be thankful. It's just hard to get along with others faults. I'm a perfectionist. If I can't have it my way, I don't want anything.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Have you gone to the doctor about PMS or PMDD? Not an expert but I think they can cause that

No, I don't have great insurance - but I know what you're referring to.

 

[death_by_life]

Yes, for me it usually relates to hormones and the mood swings it causes. The luteal phase of a woman's cycle really fucks me over…and can last a few weeks before the dreaded period even starts.

yes it's called borderline personality disorder

Absolutely. And it feels so manipulative, like I'm gaslighting myself into believing I'm actually okay, and that the problem doesn't exist. I'm so sick of it. It's kept me locked in this cycle for way too long.

YES to every single one of these. I was actually just thinking about this, and why I feel the way I do right now, when according to my cycle "schedule" I should at least have had yesterday and today as reasonably decent days, but instead I'm numb and distraught and resigned all at the same time. I haven't got a formal BPD diagnosis, but it was brought up at a preliminary appointment for TMS therapy, and in nearly 5 decades it's the first time anyone has said anything about it. Ultimately it doesn't change anything - no other therapies have made any of this better enough to be sustainable. I wish I had something hopeful to say or advice to give, but I really don't.

 

[sharpiemarker]

Yeah though the not-suicidal window is getting smaller and smaller. You kinda get dragged into life, get a good laugh at work or score good at uni and you feel happy for a minute or two. There's someone's birthday or a party or a concert you feel like you have to attend, something brings you comfort for a day or two and you think "maybe I will give my life a chance" so you stay just a bit longer, then again just a little longer and so on. I'm always on and off with death but I think its inventable in the end to take my own life. Sometimes I laugh at myself how naive I can be about things getting better

 

[Nadienobody]

It is happening to me a lot since I am trying to recover. Yesterday I felt really good, I thought I could fix my life somehow. Today I am back in this forum, I have no hope, I just want everything to end.