Am I wrong for feeling like a servant at my sister’s home?

[Parnate]

Am 31 year old man, I have an elder sister who is 35, she is a working woman. I visit her once in a month at weekends. She has twins who are a year and half old. Whenever I go to her home. She often keeps telling to do chores.
Seeing this her in-laws and my brother in law too do the same.
I don't really like going to her home. But, she has done so much for me that I feel indebted to her.
We stayed together for six years (me and my sister) .
During that time she cooked for me , and supported me financially.
Because of all this I feel like a servant at time. I feel wrong for feeling this way.

 

[killawithme]

Yeah, in your context you aren't a servant just helping her as long as she's respectful to you and doesn't give you, like, a shit ton to do.

 

[Gabbi_Station]

Am 31 year old man, I have an elder sister who is 35, she is a working woman. I visit her once in a month at weekends. She has twins who are a year and half old. Whenever I go to her home. She often keeps telling to do chores.
Seeing this her in-laws and my brother in law too do the same.
I don't really like going to her home. But, she has done so much for me that I feel indebted to her.
We stayed together for six years (me and my sister) .
During that time she cooked for me , and supported me financially.
Because of all this I feel like a servant at time. I feel wrong for feeling this way.

Yup. I have always felt more like an "indentured servant" than a member of my family.

Love was always "conditional" and I grew up taking care of my sick mom, until she died, while my parents were separated. Truthfully this last year I have gotten burnt out helping/working at my sisters businesses when they were struggling, taking care of my depressed sister, doing all this emotional labor when anyone is upset…ect…

It just feels like a completely unequal relationship and I just feel like I am cracking under the responsibility for everyone else and feeling like there's no one there when I need it. On top of it… I just feel like the family verbal punching bag half the time.

I tell myself I can't complain- since they give me housing and pay groceries while I try to save money/pay off student loans… but in some ways I feel like they perpetuate this dynamic because it proves that I am "incapable". Every time I try to "break free" or get some separation… everyone gangs up on me and guilt trips me… because if I leave the family dynamic would fall apart.

Idk… my family has always been super toxic but post COVID it has become so much worse