Am I selfish for wanting to ctb?

[Ashleyrodriguez]

I have SN but I don't know when the right time is for me to take it. It hurts me inside to know the pain I will cause to my family and that is kind of what is stopping me. I am depressed and I have serious health issues that my family does not know about. Everyday I wake up I just cry because I don't want to live with this. I will never live a normal life.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

I don't think it's selfish.

 

[Empty Smile]

No, you are not selfish. The only ones who are selfish are the ones who think we should live to keep them happy.

 

[LMLN]

Only you know when it's time for you. As bad as it is for the loved ones in our lives, you have to have reason to live for yourself. Take some time and think about whether you can see some hope for yourself, to find contentment.

 

[whereispeace]

No, you're not selfish. The fact that you're concerned about hurting your family shows that.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

No, you're not selfish. The fact that you are even thinking about what your family will feel like shows that you are a considerate and caring person. CTB is often an act of desperation after a long period of suffering rather than an act based in selfishness or self-centeredness.

You will know if/when the time is right. If you have any doubts or hesitation, it's best to wait and think through things.

 

[Disintegration]

Selfishness pervades every aspect of our lives. You do something selfless and you did it for selfish reasons, to feel good about yourself and to make sure you look good to others. If suicide is selfish then so is taking a bullet for a stranger and other martyr like behaviors. Best to remove morals from life, do what you think is best for YOU regardless of what others think.

 

[eksded]

If you have no children to take care of, no it is not selfish. As a natural being we have all the right in the world to control if we live or die.

 

[Donk]

i dont think its selfish you want to ctb given your circumstances. however it doesnt sound like you are ready to ctb yet. you can always ctb later but you cant come back from it

 

[Rinzing]

Your not selfish for wanting something this way, and there's not really a time to take it as it depends if your ready as when it's done it's done just make sure you know what you need and whatever you choose it's valid, it's your choice to do as you need to live or die, and there's no harm in waiting a while either, just so you know what you really feel about it.

 

[Sslsh]

If you do not have children to take care of or someone physically dependent on you, it is no way selfish to want to ctb. Even if it was, who tf cares once you are gone.

 

[bpdandme]

I have SN but I don't know when the right time is for me to take it. It hurts me inside to know the pain I will cause to my family and that is kind of what is stopping me. I am depressed and I have serious health issues that my family does not know about. Everyday I wake up I just cry because I don't want to live with this. I will never live a normal life.

Would it help if you told your family about your health problems? Maybe they can assist you with your health?

 

[Sensei]

All suicides are selfish to one degree or another because they cause other people pain. However, at some point it can become impossible to cope with the pain and the desire to escape it can become unresistable, regardless of how much pain escaping it can cause. Are you sure you've reached that point? Is it impossible for you to cope with your pain? Only you know.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think it's helpful to define what selfish means. It's a word that gets thrown around a lot, usually as a means to shame someone for doing something that serves them but not others. Sometimes it's utterly stupid to use it, for instance when I said in my twenties that I didn't want kids and some people unthinkingly would say that was selfish. Just, huh? Selfish to me is sitting on a billion dollars and not giving any of it to people who through no fault of their own are jobless and starving. Realistically, who could possibly use a billion dollars solely for themselves in a meaningful way in one lifetime? Selfish to me means one has an abundance of something and doesn't share the excess with others. In other words, it is greed and stinginess.

People say selfish when their own wants and feelings aren't being taken into account, and they want someone else to own that for them. But often it's their own greed that they are projecting onto others, such as wanting some of the food someone else has on their own plate and is enjoying, or their own selfishness (self-centeredness? self-satisfaction?) in wanting a suffering person to stay alive because *they* are satisfied that person is alive.

I wish the word selfish were able to be stricken from conversations about suicide so everyone involved, the one ctb'ing and those impacted by it, could instead get down to the real issues.