am i a terrible person?

[jellyfish11]

i have always secretly wanted to have my loved ones and/or family members see my body after i'm dead and realize how much i was truly suffering.
for my entire life i have only been able to tell strangers on the internet the mental agony that i experience. maybe it really is a terrible thought but i wish somebody in my life had noticed by now, or tried to see how im doing at least. does this make me a bad person?

 

[venerated-vader]

No, I think everyone wants to be heard. Being around people who either don't know, don't acknowledge, or don't understand your pain is worse than being alone imo. It feels like we have to legitimize our behavior by showing how much pain we're in, thinking that maybe THEN we'll get a little fucking sympathy. But that's rarely the case until someone's dead, and sometimes even then people don't get it.

 

[violetforever]

no. in my opinion i actually think this is a normal and human thought lol.

 

[fruitninjamaster]

definitely not

 

[TimingOut]

It is normal wanting to be loved, and it's sensible getting that message across beforehand.

 

[maylurker]

its only natural to feel this way. it doesnt mean you want to hurt them by saying "look at what u done to me". u see it as them finally giving you attention that you craved

 

[JassieDusk]

Absolutely not. I have spent my teenage years fantasizing about killing myself in front of my mother, teachers, friends, or even random people on the street in a brutal way. I have also had feelings of guilt because of that.
It's wanting to be seen, to be heard, someone to acknowledge your suffering. It's like "I've suffered enough, I've earned the same amount of mourning as someone with noticeable pain and disabilities".