all i can think about is killing myself

[47a920]

i don't even remember when this started. i do remember that i just stopped fearing death sometime when i was in my really early teens, that probably sounds like an overreaction in hindsight, but it's unfortunately true

all i've been able to think about for years is dying and it's been continuously affecting a lot of things in my life, e.g, some nights i can barely go to sleep because an image of myself dying after i finally successfully attempt will replay over and over again until i'm holding back tears in bed
some days it's more extreme like as of recent i even began having nightmares about killing myself too and, after any more life problems i may have, of course it gets very very tough to deal with lol

at most this is really just an inconvienence since i don't care if i die and would have already done it if i had the option
But i just want to know if anyone else is in a similar situation or has been before i just don't want to feel like i'm alone in this shit for my own peace of mind

 

[itsgone2]

Yes, it's all I think about. Life is torture. It's stupid anyway and I just wanna die.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

this has happened to me too. its very constant in my thoughts.

 

[Jun123]

I can completly relate to what you are saying. Since I was about 10 I'd picture myself dying, but back then I didn't really think of that as a possibilty. For the last couple of years it's all I can think about really. Sometimes these thoughts are stronger and sometimes weaker. All that's holding me back is the thought of the people I love that I'd leave behind on this world.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

i don't even remember when this started. i do remember that i just stopped fearing death sometime when i was in my really early teens, that probably sounds like an overreaction in hindsight, but it's unfortunately true

all i've been able to think about for years is dying and it's been continuously affecting a lot of things in my life, e.g, some nights i can barely go to sleep because an image of myself dying after i finally successfully attempt will replay over and over again until i'm holding back tears in bed
some days it's more extreme like as of recent i even began having nightmares about killing myself too and, after any more life problems i may have, of course it gets very very tough to deal with lol

at most this is really just an inconvienence since i don't care if i die and would have already done it if i had the option
But i just want to know if anyone else is in a similar situation or has been before i just don't want to feel like i'm alone in this shit for my own peace of mind

I'm right there with you

 

[slapntickle]

I can completly relate to what you are saying. Since I was about 10 I'd picture myself dying, but back then I didn't really think of that as a possibilty. For the last couple of years it's all I can think about really. Sometimes these thoughts are stronger and sometimes weaker. All that's holding me back is the thought of the people I love that I'd leave behind on this world.

I'm almost exactly the same. I do find myself cutting myself off from people on purpose though... not replying to messages or answering calls, making excuses if they want to visit. The further one drifts away from people, the easier it is to CBT, because in reality the only thing holding us back is the effect that we have on those that love us (and of course us not being able to see them any more). It's a horrible thing, it really is.

 

[Jun123]

I'm almost exactly the same. I do find myself cutting myself off from people on purpose though... not replying to messages or answering calls, making excuses if they want to visit. The further one drifts away from people, the easier it is to CBT, because in reality the only thing holding us back is the effect that we have on those that love us (and of course us not being able to see them any more). It's a horrible thing, it really is

Wow I feel really understood right now, cause I'm doing the same right now, I've been doing it for longer than I thought, cause I just don't know how to end it. I know that I shouldn't do this and that I should reply to all the messanges, but I feel like it will be easier like this. I feel like if I cut myself out of my loved ones lifes, I won't have any more excuses not to CTB, because staying alive hurts so much.
Honestly if I could leave without it looking like CTB, I would do it right now. I just don't want my family to know it was CTB.

 

[kufajoy]

Haha same

 

[hurb]

I'm almost exactly the same. I do find myself cutting myself off from people on purpose though... not replying to messages or answering calls, making excuses if they want to visit. The further one drifts away from people, the easier it is to CBT, because in reality the only thing holding us back is the effect that we have on those that love us (and of course us not being able to see them any more). It's a horrible thing, it really is.

we cut people off because we dont feel understood by them/ we r not as important as they once were to us.
i feel like it doesnt matter if we have people around us or not , if there was actual good methods that were not so hard to get a hold of and 100% garenteed we would just commmit