Alcohol and other substances

[Greyhawk]

I've been drinking 3 days in a row after being sober for like 2 months because I have so bad anxiety rn and I just want to die all the time. I think the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because of my parents and SI. Alcohol is making my life worse in the long run of course... Do you use alcohol or other substances to cope with feelings of emptiness, suicidal thoughts, self hatred etc.? Is it working?

 

[scottishstudent38]

I use cocaine far more than I should, couple a years ago i was told by a MH nurse, my usage was me effectively self medicating life long depression & ADHD. This was probably the worst thing I could have been told as it removed any will power I had to quit as it almost justifies me using. Few years later, depression worse than ever, almost daily coke use and now a regular here. Just spiralling further out if control. And with it total apathy regarding improving my life.

The thing is, from an outsiders view, i have recently started 2 jobs, quite important roles and look completely capable of functioning normally, yet theres this undercurrent of carnage ongoing.

I wish I could remove the degenerate aspect of my personality as I do believe I could be worthwhile and good(well better) at What I do for living and also Be a better person for everyone i care about.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

Im a heavy drinker and had my episode of being drunk nearly everyday in 2023 (i was 15-16 at the time) to cope with my lack of feelings, wich was a poor choice as i ended attempting that year. It never truly helped me but its nice not worrying about everything and being more open after years of trying to isolate myself from everyone.

 

[Ratz]

That's what addictions do. And honestly I think if it was easy for people to access drugs and stuff everyone would have their moments. It's an easy escape like SH is. It feels good in the moment but you end up fucking everything up and it's just like a scary cycle where you can't escape and you just keep hurting worse every time.

 

[ManOfTheYear]

I use cocaine far more than I should, couple a years ago i was told by a MH nurse, my usage was me effectively self medicating life long depression & ADHD. This was probably the worst thing I could have been told as it removed any will power I had to quit as it almost justifies me using. Few years later, depression worse than ever, almost daily coke use and now a regular here. Just spiralling further out if control. And with it total apathy regarding improving my life.

The thing is, from an outsiders view, i have recently started 2 jobs, quite important roles and look completely capable of functioning normally, yet theres this undercurrent of carnage ongoing.

I wish I could remove the degenerate aspect of my personality as I do believe I could be worthwhile and good(well better) at What I do for living and also Be a better person for everyone i care about.

How you do it everyday? I found after 6ish months of everyday use it just made everything so much worse. Like between the constant dry painful nose and even worse intense anxiety, does it even feel good anymore?

 

[Forveleth]

I used to drink to cope with my depression but it started causing more problems in my life than it was solving so I quit.

 

[lilies.in.heaven]

Like between the constant dry painful nose and even worse intense anxiety, does it even feel good anymore?

That's when some people start shooting it or smoking crack

 

[scottishstudent38]

How you do it everyday? I found after 6ish months of everyday use it just made everything so much worse. Like between the constant dry painful nose and even worse intense anxiety, does it even feel good anymore?

I hate it, haven't enjoyed it for years, but the compulsion and ready availability of it defeats me every time.

 

[whatishope]

For me it's getting drunk and doing amphetamines from time to time. I have a job and some friends and workout and things to do, but I have to get drunk / high once a week at least to cope.

 

[myfleetingmania]

I definitely hear you on all of this. Alcohol used to be my numbing agent of choice, but it ultimately got me into so much trouble without any kind of pay off. After heavily drinking (and I mean HEAVILY) for a good 12 years, I haven't touched alcohol for 3 years now and don't think I'd go back to it (though the temptation is there).

However, these past three years I definitely used THC and psychadelics as a crutch instead, until eventually I had a break from reality that was due to the recreational drugs reacting poorly with prescribed medication.

Now I'm stone cold sober. Am I healthier for it? Maybe. Am I happier? No.

Substances are a slippery slope and a personal journey. I'm proud of anyone and everyone who finds strength and power in recovery. I also understand those who use and abuse and could never have judgement in my heart.

 

[ManOfTheYear]

I hate it, haven't enjoyed it for years, but the compulsion and ready availability of it defeats me every time.

You wanna stop together? :3 I'm 2 weeks sober now and though its hard still not thinking about it, I feel way better than before.