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VivaldiBR

VivaldiBR

Experienced
Oct 4, 2020
249
But I received two bad news and here I am again. Recovery is so hard if, apparently, your effort is not rewarded.

Am I going to recovery only if my life changes externally, or am I going to be able to accept things as they are and change internally?

Life is a bitch.
 
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MrBlue

MrBlue

Arcanist
Jul 1, 2020
416
I can definitely relate. The main reason I'm not fully commited to calling my efforts to stay alive recovering is because I haven't had any positive feedback from that effort in areas of my life that cause me the most turmoil.

I don't think I'll ever be able to accept my life as it is, considering that my main problem with it is being lonely, and meaningful social interaction is more an inherent biological need than something I can ignore long term (though I have made efforts to do this on the short term).

I'm basically in a game with my self to see whether my life finally improving externally, or my desire to ctb becoming too great to battle, will occur first. I honestly feel the latter is a forgone conclusion, but I'm trying to give as much time as I can handle for the other to occur. How far I'll get is still debatable.
 
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Silvermorning

Silvermorning

The polar bears made me do it
Oct 10, 2020
212
5 days!
In my case, 5 hours would be an achievement. I live hour by hour these days.
 
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stygal

stygal

meow
Oct 29, 2020
1,731
But I received two bad news and here I am again. Recovery is so hard if, apparently, your effort is not rewarded.

Am I going to recovery only if my life changes externally, or am I going to be able to accept things as they are and change internally?

Life is a bitch.

Both could happen if you give it enough time and/or start working really hard on your internal look of the world.

I mean you had those 5 "good" days already...who's to say there won't be 5 (or however) more for you in store?
I'm not saying that as a pro-life-person or anything but I already "accepted" that all my external circumstances are pretty much unfair and it's up to me to utilize this last bit of time I got left.
Anyways, sending you some online hugs
 
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VivaldiBR

VivaldiBR

Experienced
Oct 4, 2020
249
Both could happen if you give it enough time and/or start working really hard on your internal look of the world.
I mean you had those 5 "good" days already...who's to say there won't be 5 (or however) more for you in store?
I'm not saying that as a pro-life-person or anything but I already "accepted" that all my external circumstances are pretty much unfair and it's up to me to utilize this last bit of time I got left.
Anyways, sending you some online hugs.

Does not bother me if you sound pro-life. I don't care about it like others in this forum. I'm working on these things like detachment, acceptance, active hopelessness, but it's so hard.

Thanks for your words and hug. =)
5 days!
In my case, 5 hours would be an achievement. I live hour by hour these days.
I made some movements to achieve this. It didn't really work entirely, but it has given me a few moments to breathe.

I don't know how much it is helping, but it is the mixture of antidepressants, meditation, reading about self-knowledge, Buddhism and psychology. And a have build a support network and having told about suicidal idealizations to parents, close friends, psychiatrist and psychologist.
 
Last edited:
CoalmineCanary

CoalmineCanary

Member
Jul 15, 2020
477
Five days is an accomplishment worthy of sharing that's sounds promising. Congratulations.
 
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_Kaira_

_Kaira_

This Isn't Fine
Oct 2, 2020
825
It's a start, and a major feat at that. Congrats. :heart::heart:
 
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puppy9

puppy9

au revoir
Jun 13, 2019
1,238
I have a gut feeling that my life would get better, and I'm gonna trust it. Wish me luck guys. :heart::hug::heart:
 
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_Kaira_

_Kaira_

This Isn't Fine
Oct 2, 2020
825
I have a gut feeling that my life would get better, and I'm gonna trust it. Wish me luck guys. :heart::hug::heart:

I'm very happy for you. Good luck :heart:
 
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MichaelNomad123

MichaelNomad123

Jesus
Oct 15, 2020
433
Good job brothers. Remember to reinforce yourself as you go. Be kind to yourself.
 
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mr.smileysad

mr.smileysad

Student
Aug 29, 2020
180
Hey five days is pretty good it started that way for me a few good days here and there and it slowly got better don't let a few bad things spoil you enjoying yourself try to reach out to a few close friends or if you don't have any then go to social gatherings of some sort hope you get better soon
 
T

Tired_Tired

Student
Nov 25, 2019
157
Life can be changed if you changed yourself first. Sometimes it's difficult because we are human beings and we have emotions.
 

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