afraid to order sn in case it doesn't show up?

[monetpompo]

how do you guys psyche yourself up to order sn when you can't check if anyone else has bought from the same source recently? i've been thinking about ordering it for the better part of this week because i know it'd help out the forum to know if dmc still ships to the US, and i also know from @Chemi's post that sn can totally kill you if you take even a tiny dosage.

not trying to frame this as a suicide encouragement post, of course. i'm just kind of struggling to see if i have the willpower to do full suspension hanging, even though i know it'd be over quickly if i did it. i also felt really embarrassed of myself hauling my stool in my backpack (it would stick out) and trying to look inconspicuous. getting an uber back from the forest at 1 am feels way more embarrassing than killing myself. i would be sitting in the backseat honestly wishing i'd died, but i also felt too tired from walking in the forest to care. the next time i attempt, i don't want anyone to talk me out of my suicide. i feel so embarrassed remembering all the nights i sent out "i'm going to kill myself" texts or notes. the desire to make a serious attempt consumes me a little more each day.

either way, do you guys think you would order sn even if you're nervous about it not making it through customs?

 

[Chemi]

@Chemi's post that sn can totally kill you if you take even a tiny dosage.

Yes, SN is very dangerous even in tiny amounts. Though to note, in tiny amounts, SN kills rather slowly and doesn't knock you out quickly, so you are present for the more uncomfortable and painful parts. If you are going to ingest SN, be sure about it and then full send it. Don't play around, as a few others and I did. It's not a fun experience in any way. A proper SN dose should knock you out after around 15 minutes (+-5 minutes), preventing you from experiencing the bad parts of the SN poisoning.

i feel so embarrassed remembering all the nights i sent out "i'm going to kill myself" texts or notes. the desire to make a serious attempt consumes me a little more each day.

Omg yes, I understand the feeling. It feels like you are letting your friends down and like you just lied to them. You feel like a disappointment.
Just know that we here on SaSu will support you, whatever you decide to do. There is no shame and nothing bad about postponing an attempt. We all have been there. CTB is just a really, really hard thing to do. So please, try not to shame yourself for failing an attempt. Happens to all of us <3
Also, I think most of your IRL friends are probably happy you are still here and didn't die. Usually, those bad feelings are just in your head <3

 

[awaitinglove]

i ordered sn awhile ago and i also worried about it not making through customs. luckily, my order made it through customs and even though i don't have a set plan i feel so much relief and comfort just knowing i have it

 

[kuroshimi]

I researched a bit and it seems easy to get SN in my country and no one will ask. But don't actually want to deal with storage and other preparations really. Seems complicated to me. Maybe one day I will change the mind tho...

i feel so embarrassed remembering all the nights i sent out "i'm going to kill myself" texts or notes. the desire to make a serious attempt consumes me a little more each day.

Nothing wrong with it. We've all been there. CTBing is really hard.