Accepting that I was going to do it set me on the path to recovery.

[emptyjokes]

Hello. It's been a long time since I've visited this site. I've been dealing with a lot of confusion lately. As the title suggests, I made my plan and had all of my resources lined up. Everything was ready. I think that if things hadn't changed for me this weekend would have been the time that I did it. (I had planned to go early August at the latest.) I was continuing my life, feeling like someone that was already dead, and that brought the feeling of carelessness with it. I think the carelessness that I had for my life freed me from the need to please and be accepted by others. After living my life without the crushing weight of others' expectations, my urge to CTB dissolved. I didn't notice it until several weeks had passed without the desire to die. I stopped feeling like an abject failure and started to feel like a person who is full of potential. I'm still a little confused, it feels foreign to look forwards to the future and it's prospects. Regardless, for the time being, I am living this way and I think this is something I could get used to. So, here's to recovery.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

It really is a terrible feeling, to feel like a worthless failure, so congratulations on getting free from it! Good luck with your recovery.

 

[Smart No More]

You were liberated by your acceptance. Its great. I really hope it lasts for you.

 

[western_heart]

This is relatable. wanting to die last year pushed me to take actions that improved my life significantly, and for a while I did not want to die.

Unfortunately it didn't last, I'm not hopeful that I will get back to recovery, but I am trying nonetheless. I got far enough to escape abusive family so I have more of a chance than I did before.

I hope you're able to sustain your recovery!

 

[A whole human]

Yeeaah I get you. My mood changes a lot cuz of BPD but sometimes all I need to get a bit of hope is giving no fucks on the mindset of "I could buy SN just now. The exit is there whenever I need it".

So congrats to you