abuse

[beebeb]

Anyone here a victim of abuse? I have found myself a victim of domestic violence for the third time. I escaped twice and it was the hardest thing I've ever done... twice. After this third time I will have nothing left. He lied to so my friends to preemptively convince them I was actually beating him, and now I have no friends left. I moved thousands of miles for this man, for him to only abuse me and cheat on me and then smugly discard me. I have no friends is family here and I have nowhere to go. I gave up all my possessions to live with him. I just barely found two careers that I love (which are poorly paid for now but very fulfilling), but I will now lose those after only working there for a month and six months respectively. I will lose my home with a yard and garage where my cats are free to roam like they have been their whole lives, and will be forced to live in some studio apartment in an unfamiliar and dangerous place, because starting over in this economy is essentially impossible.

I really don't want to do this but I have no options left and nowhere to turn. I give up. To make matters worse, this evening when he attacked me I screamed for help (which I have never done before), and to protect himself from looking like the aggressor, he called the police and lied to them about what happened, and although I wasn't arrested, I will have to face him in court to fight his allegations of assault. The thought that he'll lie to the court too, when I have nobody to stand up for me, humiliates me. I will lose everything, potentially go to jail without ever having any kind of record before, and then I will surely be unable to find a job or a house or even try to find love again.

He wins. The other people win. I am not worthy of love, and I've proven that enough times. I've lost absolutely everything and have nothing left. I squandered everything and I deserve this. It's time for me to go nose down and call it a night.

 

[bipolar22]

That sounds heartbreaking. I have been through abuse by my parents aswell and was never able to free myself. Moved into some slum building to escape her and went no contect periodically. She ruined me and im still wearing the burden of struggling with alot of maladative cooking and destructive patterns. I dont think it will ever change at this point.
Found my gf and was so happy. We left my covert narcissistic mom and I thought things would get better but turns out she has alot of issues to deal with aswell.
Life is like that sometimes. Sometimes you already lost by the time the cards were
Drawn.
You said you will be forced to live in a studio apartment. Is it possible that might be the turn of events that could help you move on and heal a bit from all the trauma?
As long as we are still subjected to these narcissistic people things will only get worse.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your situation. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship. Physically and everything else I imagine. She turned up one day with a broken ankle where he'd thrown her down and, stamped on it. Naturally, her family and friends were so worried about her but, she wouldn't leave.

You are absolutely worthy of love but from what you've described, sadly you seem to be like a magnet for these sorts of people.

I grew up with someone I believe to be a narcissist and, their behaviour patterns were similar. They would do something bad and then, (falsely) accuse me of something as a smoke screen to cover it up. They were the reason I first became suicidal. It's a hellish situation and, I hope you are able to escape it.

Have you considered contacting domestic violence support services around you? Plus, telling them your concerns that he's getting police involved and, blaming you. The sooner you get your side of the story registered somewhere official, the better I imagine. I'm sure this won't be the first time they've heard of this kind of thing happening too. Be so careful though- doing all this and, if you decide to leave. These sorts of people can become incredibly dangerous from what I've seen. I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better.

 

[shuvuuiadesertii]

I was physically and psychologically abused as a child and it lasted for years. I wasn't allowed friends, spent all my free time copying endless lines (i had to reach an arbitrary target, often 10k+ or i wasn't allowed dinner. i often went without) and was beaten blue nightly. Apparently this was all in order to "help" me "get over" my ADHD. I was 9 when i first tried ending it. I had a choice between my nightly beating and the balcony. I chose the balcony, but wasn't fast enough...

That kind of trauma stays with you forever and never gets any better, no matter what people might say or do. It alters your brain permanently. All you can do is mask it so others don't feel uncomfortable around you, but that requires a lot of effort and is ultimately exhausting.

 

[nothingbutafailure]

My family, which is probably part of a pedophile ring, got some people to sexually groom and stalk me.

 

[beebeb]

That sounds heartbreaking. I have been through abuse by my parents aswell and was never able to free myself. Moved into some slum building to escape her and went no contect periodically. She ruined me and im still wearing the burden of struggling with alot of maladative cooking and destructive patterns. I dont think it will ever change at this point.
Found my gf and was so happy. We left my covert narcissistic mom and I thought things would get better but turns out she has alot of issues to deal with aswell.
Life is like that sometimes. Sometimes you already lost by the time the cards were
Drawn.
You said you will be forced to live in a studio apartment. Is it possible that might be the turn of events that could help you move on and heal a bit from all the trauma?
As long as we are still subjected to these narcissistic people things will only get worse.

unfortunately I can't even afford to leave, I can't even afford the worst accommodations in a 50 mile radius. I asked the police last night if they knew any place I could escape to... they said I'd probably get raped and robbed in the shelters and that I shouldn't go. I'm trapped. in either case there really isn't any healing I can do; what I've suffered through at the hands of this person isn't something I want to live with. the life I might manage to scrape together after having lost absolutely everything, both tangible and intangible, honestly isn't worth the effort. it's all senseless. I'm sad to go, I wish it hadn't ended up like this, but there's nothing I can do. the man has hogtied me and taken me for all I'm worth.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship. Physically and everything else I imagine. She turned up one day with a broken ankle where he'd thrown her down and, stamped on it. Naturally, her family and friends were so worried about her but, she wouldn't leave.

You are absolutely worthy of love but from what you've described, sadly you seem to be like a magnet for these sorts of people.

I grew up with someone I believe to be a narcissist and, their behaviour patterns were similar. They would do something bad and then, (falsely) accuse me of something as a smoke screen to cover it up. They were the reason I first became suicidal. It's a hellish situation and, I hope you are able to escape it.

Have you considered contacting domestic violence support services around you? Plus, telling them your concerns that he's getting police involved and, blaming you. The sooner you get your side of the story registered somewhere official, the better I imagine. I'm sure this won't be the first time they've heard of this kind of thing happening too. Be so careful though- doing all this and, if you decide to leave. These sorts of people can become incredibly dangerous from what I've seen. I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better.

I called the local DV shelter last night; they told me they didn't have room for me. If I go I'm scared to leave my cats behind here because I'm afraid he'll hurt them. The way things work around here is that you're only allowed to use services in the county you live in, so the one shelter is the only option I have. The lady on the phone last night gave me a couple options for counseling and legal help. I may see what those are today but I haven't got high hopes... counseling all too often amounts to someone going "that sucks lol can't help tho" and it seems like legal services may only be in place to help secure restraining orders (which I don't need because it will leave me without a place to live).

I'm sorry you've experienced similar situations. It's bullshit that this is an all-too-common scenario. There's no justice in the world.

I was physically and psychologically abused as a child and it lasted for years. I wasn't allowed friends, spent all my free time copying endless lines (i had to reach an arbitrary target, often 10k+ or i wasn't allowed dinner. i often went without) and was beaten blue nightly. Apparently this was all in order to "help" me "get over" my ADHD. I was 9 when i first tried ending it. I had a choice between my nightly beating and the balcony. I chose the balcony, but wasn't fast enough...

That kind of trauma stays with you forever and never gets any better, no matter what people might say or do. It alters your brain permanently. All you can do is mask it so others don't feel uncomfortable around you, but that requires a lot of effort and is ultimately exhausting.

I absolutely get the part about it altering your brain permanently. I often think about who I might have been if I hadn't been damaged in that way so early on and then repeatedly and continuously. Probably wouldn't be here discussing the logistics of giving up at 32, lol.

 

[beebeb]

he's begun calling me abusive for confessing that I want to die. fuck it. here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to wait until court happens. I'm going to take the hit for him. he owns a house, he has a career, and a lot of friends who support him. he has skills and a future. I am ugly and stupid and as a female, I'm not going to have the chance to have a family, nor will anyone decide I'm worth that. I have nothing. I will go to court and take the fall, act like it was all my fault and that I lied about what he did to me, so that the charges against him will be dropped. once I'm sure he won't go to jail, I will be ending my life. a few months tops. it is so freeing to have a date and a deadline.

my last act can be protecting someone I love from harm, even if that person doesn't love me back. I will leave everything I have to him, which isn't much but some cars and a few antiques and a couple thousand dollars, but it'll be a little gift. and then, I can go take my final journey and settle into eternal punishment where I can pay for what I've done.

I'm only waffling between shooting myself and overdosing. I have some good options.