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I

iWantToStopExisting

Member
Apr 28, 2026
18
I'm 32 years old and i'm a failure. If you weren't studious as a kid, it's over.

AI : Permanent Loss of Plasticity: If you do not use your brain during this period, you may miss the chance to build strong, fundamental pathways for skills like emotional regulation, complex logic, or social interaction. While the brain retains some plasticity throughout life, this 7–15 year window is a major, high-efficiency renovation period that cannot be fully replicated later.
Difficulty in Adult Thinking: Because the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain used for planning, decision-making, and critical thinking—undergoes major restructuring and pruning during these years, low stimulation can lead to fewer connections in this area. This may result in long-term difficulty in executive functioning.

Parental-school negligence and to much use of TV, video games, internet, ruined my life (before it even began) . At the age of 22, i started to study maths and physics (I wanted to get into university). It was already to late. As a result of my hard work i earned a neuroticism. Wasted 10 years of my life and didn't achive anything. The only thing what i understood by studying, is that the majority of humans are degenerate animals (thats includes myself, my parents, my relatives). I don't see any alternatives in my life. Why should I continue living when I don't see any value in life ( low income physically demanding dirty job , no friends, no girlfriend, degenerate relatives). I don't want to spent my life regretting about the opportunities that i missed as a child by not studying, feeling sorry for myself all the time like some sniveling ass. Fuck it, if it's a natural order of things that some people are succesful (smart, intelligent, educated, elevated) and some others are not, let it be.
At the age of 22 i belived that it was more easy for me to become succesful (passing and finishing university, geting a prestigious job, devote myself to something meaningful) than to commit a suicide. I was wrong . Yes we choose our destiny, but unfortunately (or maybe not, i dont know) the years of our childhood are crucial and decisive for the future that is facing us, and sadly for me back then i didn't had the consciousness and the mindset that i procured later.
I will not gonna feel any regrets (in those last seconds). After all, we are just apes, primates without any consciousness or freedom of choice, products of our environment. The only thing that separates us from rest of animals is the ability to synthesize the new (Contributing to art, positive or humanitarian sciences). Most of us, aren't capable to create anything new, because of our lack of knowledge, education, laziness or simple incapability. Bloody hell, most folks can't even obtain a normal respected profession. So that makes the lives of the majority of us insignificant, unimportant, and in many causes harmful and poisonous for the nature and the society.
I joined your forum, so with your help, i could find a way (get an idea) how to totaly disapear from this world (far away from my degenarate relatives, my decadent country and this meaningless world) . I would like, to get some advices from the members of this forum, in which country (some undeveloped maybe) i could find a way to permanently end this process. A process that doesn't brings me any joy or happiness, only misery, and the worst of all, anger (i'm a neurotic as i told before). I'm sure that there are a lot of organizations that provide that kind of specific services. Ideally an inflatable boat, oars, a pistol, a bullet and a weight jacket (and the sea of course) whould solve all of my problems at once.
Thank you for reading. (My native language isn't english. Are were any greeks or russian-speakers here? )
 
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ben_

ben_

i ben therefore i am
Oct 31, 2023
107
This is the kind of thinking I'm worried to reveal to anyone because I don't want to *lure* people to CTB :D

I gotta ask - why do you care so much about prestigious job? I mean - I do too. But it seems to be driven by other people. And I'm seriously considering giving everyone the middle finger and go do something that any primate could do. Because that's what I am - I agree on that with you.

What I (sort of) don't agree with you is the lack of freedom of choice. I'm aware I might not be able to win this argument.. But for me, I'm okay with the *illusion* of freedom of choice. Is my destiny already determined? I believe it is. Can I change it? I think it's no, but also yes. Me, together with my "freedom" is part of the destiny. So it is an illusion. But I think an illusion is fine for a primate, like myself. I mean - what isn't illusion, anyway? Everything is an illusion. The picture on your retina and the vibrations in your ear, are all illusions. So I guess I'm fine with the illusion of free choice.

I'm not saying I haven't been battling with this thinking, too :)

I'm trying to learn russian btw... But only passively. I don't have the willpower to tackle anything more than that :)
 
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I

itsgone2

-
Sep 21, 2025
1,710
This makes sense. I didn't do enough when I was young. Good student but that's it. My father knew so much. Builder. Mechanic. Electrician. Anything. For some reason i wasn't interested. Or something. I never learned any of it.
Now I'm clueless in so much of life. Only now do I realize how much I didn't learn.
It needs to end already. Unreal.
I'm so sorry you feel this way too. I appreciate the information, even if it's horrifying.
 
I

iWantToStopExisting

Member
Apr 28, 2026
18
I'm here to listen if you need to talk
Hello, could you help me with the last part of my post? Any practical advices on how could i achive my goal. From there should i start? I bought a notebook and installed VPN (now i have access to darknet). We can continue to communicate on other platforms if you want.
 
ben_

ben_

i ben therefore i am
Oct 31, 2023
107
This makes sense. I didn't do enough when I was young. Good student but that's it. My father knew so much. Builder. Mechanic. Electrician. Anything. For some reason i wasn't interested. Or something. I never learned any of it.
Now I'm clueless in so much of life. Only now do I realize how much I didn't learn.
It needs to end already. Unreal.
I'm so sorry you feel this way too. I appreciate the information, even if it's horrifying.
it's not horrifying... but it's absurd.. unreal as you say.. i'm usually hiding the horror behind a wall of laughter i guess... feels like i'm falling into an abyss. and since i haven't hit the ground yet, i'm laughing :D

the profession i'm mostly thinking of is some kind of driver... cab driver, bus driver... i like driving in general so that's why... as a child, i was fairly smart and everyone expected me to succeed... and yet - here i am, not even being able to tell anyone the full story... perhaps they wouldn't even believe it lol...

btw... although you seem fairly determined... i'm just thinking that if you somehow decide to postpone it, maybe you could teach me some russian... and i could teach you some italian (not my first language but still..)... that is - if my anxiety allows it :)
 
I

iWantToStopExisting

Member
Apr 28, 2026
18
This makes sense. I didn't do enough when I was young. Good student but that's it. My father knew so much. Builder. Mechanic. Electrician. Anything. For some reason i wasn't interested. Or something. I never learned any of it.
Now I'm clueless in so much of life. Only now do I realize how much I didn't learn.
It needs to end already. Unreal.
I'm so sorry you feel this way too. I appreciate the information, even if it's horrifying.
The reason why you weren't interested is simple. Our brain is a parasitic and lustful organ. Because of it's consumption of so much energy (even then we sleep 8%)the brain developt a defencive mechanism durning our evolution as a specie. You have to unterstand, for millions years we where surviving in harsh environment, balancing between survival and death.
The less you think, less energy you consume . Less energy you consume and you get rewarded by endogenous narcotics (endorphins, cannabinoids, oxytocins). And as a child it's even worse. Exept of all this shit, your brains produces opioids (thats why our childhood memories seems happier). This is what makes us lazy monkeys from our birth. Thats why humans for the most part are degenerate animals. How many people around you are studying latin or high mathematics (generally self-improve) ? Not many. And from the other site how many of us are spending our lives on things that have no value, hanging out, relationships, instagram, sport, facebook, netflix, tv-shows, popcorn movies, youtube, video games e.t.c (you name it).
 
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ben_

ben_

i ben therefore i am
Oct 31, 2023
107
btw... although you seem fairly determined... i'm just thinking that if you somehow decide to postpone it, maybe you could teach me some russian... and i could teach you some italian (not my first language but still..)... that is - if my anxiety allows it :)
obviously indended for @iWantToStopExisting - not @itsgone2 ... only now realizing they're not the same 🤦‍♂️
 
S

SDB

Experienced
Jul 21, 2025
265
I'm 32 years old and i'm a failure. If you weren't studious as a kid, it's over.

AI : Permanent Loss of Plasticity: If you do not use your brain during this period, you may miss the chance to build strong, fundamental pathways for skills like emotional regulation, complex logic, or social interaction. While the brain retains some plasticity throughout life, this 7–15 year window is a major, high-efficiency renovation period that cannot be fully replicated later.
Difficulty in Adult Thinking: Because the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain used for planning, decision-making, and critical thinking—undergoes major restructuring and pruning during these years, low stimulation can lead to fewer connections in this area. This may result in long-term difficulty in executive functioning.

Parental-school negligence and to much use of TV, video games, internet, ruined my life (before it even began) . At the age of 22, i started to study maths and physics (I wanted to get into university). It was already to late. As a result of my hard work i earned a neuroticism. Wasted 10 years of my life and didn't achive anything. The only thing what i understood by studying, is that the majority of humans are degenerate animals (thats includes myself, my parents, my relatives). I don't see any alternatives in my life. Why should I continue living when I don't see any value in life ( low income physically demanding dirty job , no friends, no girlfriend, degenerate relatives). I don't want to spent my life regretting about the opportunities that i missed as a child by not studying, feeling sorry for myself all the time like some sniveling ass. Fuck it, if it's a natural order of things that some people are succesful (smart, intelligent, educated, elevated) and some others are not, let it be.
At the age of 22 i belived that it was more easy for me to become succesful (passing and finishing university, geting a prestigious job, devote myself to something meaningful) than to commit a suicide. I was wrong . Yes we choose our destiny, but unfortunately (or maybe not, i dont know) the years of our childhood are crucial and decisive for the future that is facing us, and sadly for me back then i didn't had the consciousness and the mindset that i procured later.
I will not gonna feel any regrets (in those last seconds). After all, we are just apes, primates without any consciousness or freedom of choice, products of our environment. The only thing that separates us from rest of animals is the ability to synthesize the new (Contributing to art, positive or humanitarian sciences). Most of us, aren't capable to create anything new, because of our lack of knowledge, education, laziness or simple incapability. Bloody hell, most folks can't even obtain a normal respected profession. So that makes the lives of the majority of us insignificant, unimportant, and in many causes harmful and poisonous for the nature and the society.
I joined your forum, so with your help, i could find a way (get an idea) how to totaly disapear from this world (far away from my degenarate relatives, my decadent country and this meaningless world) . I would like, to get some advices from the members of this forum, in which country (some undeveloped maybe) i could find a way to permanently end this process. A process that doesn't brings me any joy or happiness, only misery, and the worst of all, anger (i'm a neurotic as i told before). I'm sure that there are a lot of organizations that provide that kind of specific services. Ideally an inflatable boat, oars, a pistol, a bullet and a weight jacket (and the sea of course) whould solve all of my problems at once.
Thank you for reading. (My native language isn't english. Are were any greeks or russian-speakers here? )
We dont get to choose our destiny, things happen out of our control, some get lucky some dont
 
I

iWantToStopExisting

Member
Apr 28, 2026
18
This is the kind of thinking I'm worried to reveal to anyone because I don't want to *lure* people to CTB :D

I gotta ask - why do you care so much about prestigious job? I mean - I do too. But it seems to be driven by other people. And I'm seriously considering giving everyone the middle finger and go do something that any primate could do. Because that's what I am - I agree on that with you.

What I (sort of) don't agree with you is the lack of freedom of choice. I'm aware I might not be able to win this argument.. But for me, I'm okay with the *illusion* of freedom of choice. Is my destiny already determined? I believe it is. Can I change it? I think it's no, but also yes. Me, together with my "freedom" part of the destiny. So it is an illusion. But I think an illusion is fine for a primate, like myself. I mean - what isn't illusion, anyway? Everything is an illusion. The picture on your retina and the vibrations in your ear, are all illusions. So I guess I'm fine with the illusion of free choice.

I'm not saying I haven't been battling with this thinking, too :)

I'm trying to learn russian btw... But only passively. I don't have the willpower to tackle anything more than that :)

This is the kind of thinking I'm worried to reveal to anyone because I don't want to *lure* people to CTB :D

I gotta ask - why do you care so much about prestigious job? I mean - I do too. But it seems to be driven by other people. And I'm seriously considering giving everyone the middle finger and go do something that any primate could do. Because that's what I am - I agree on that with you.

What I (sort of) don't agree with you is the lack of freedom of choice. I'm aware I might not be able to win this argument.. But for me, I'm okay with the *illusion* of freedom of choice. Is my destiny already determined? I believe it is. Can I change it? I think it's no, but also yes. Me, together with my "freedom" is part of the destiny. So it is an illusion. But I think an illusion is fine for a primate, like myself. I mean - what isn't illusion, anyway? Everything is an illusion. The picture on your retina and the vibrations in your ear, are all illusions. So I guess I'm fine with the illusion of free choice.

I'm not saying I haven't been battling with this thinking, too :)

I'm trying to learn russian btw... But only passively. I don't have the willpower to tackle anything more than that :)
Hello man . I read your comment. Yea, why do i care about a prestigious job. The reason why i care so much is because i come from a working class family [my father is a non qualified worker (his father was a non qualified worker)]. I understood what most of the working class joes are lazy, submissive, ignorant, dump motherfu..rs, who i learn to despise after all of this years of hard study (and coexistance with them). You may say what i became a social racist. Only the simple idea that i belong to a class of subhumans drives me crazy. ITS SIMPLE if your dump, poor with no perspectives whatsoever, DONT give birth, not at least before you achieve something (getting a normal profession that would be nice, don't you agree;).
Bro i'm not a philosopher or an educated guy. I'm just a usless prick, a average dude with a low IQ. How am I fucking supposed to know what *illusion* of freedom of choice is. And to be honest i don't give a shit. I wrote that post, so i could find a practical way to achieve my goal. (Boat, weight jacket, pistol and BLUBLUBLU!!)
 
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ben_

ben_

i ben therefore i am
Oct 31, 2023
107
Yea, why do i care about a prestigious job. The reason why i care so much is because i come from a working class family [my father is a non qualified worker (his father was a non qualified worker)]. I understood what most of the working class joes are lazy, submissive, ignorant, dump motherfu..rs, who i learn to despise after all of this years of hard study (and coexistance with them). You may say what i became a social racist. Only the simple idea that i belong to a class of subhumans drives me crazy.
i was just curious because it seems important to me as well.. yet consciously i ask myself - why the fuck does that even matter? i mean, the "simplest" people often seem most content.. i guess if you've become a "social racist", it makes sense you wanna escape that social group... myself, idk... but come on, this thread is about you. i'm not gonna steal the topic for my own issues...

Bro i'm not a philosopher or an educated guy. I'm just a usless prick, a average dude with a low IQ. How am I fucking supposed to know what *illusion* of freedom of choice is. And to be honest i don't give a shit. I wrote that post, so i could find a practical way to achieve my goal. (Boat, weight jacket, pistol and BLUBLUBLU!!)
look, i'm no philosopher either, and i'm a drop out.... these things aren't from books (i don't read), they just sometimes somehow emerge in my head out of - idk - confusion i guess... but weirdly enough it's difficult for me to fully grasp those things myself.. so naturally if i try to explain it to someone, they tend to not get it either...

i'm sorry that i'm not going to help you with your goal... i'm such a chicken when it comes to this... but there's a *lot of* info on this site, so i don't even think you'd need my help... i do wish you all the best, though - whatever you eventually decide for...