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Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
Overall I would say I feel better. I have the fatigue still, and struggle to motivate myself, depression, negative thinking. Some of this was there even on the Adderall because it messes with your brain chemicals. I was on it for 16 years and eventually the side effects increase as you age and I swear u start to get dumber.

I'm noticing that certain things are improving even though I still have crying spells and very bad days sometimes. I'm not as impulsive or living in a state of emergency. I go grocery shopping and it has become a bit easier to make decisions at the store. My energy levels are more stable, since I'm beginning to be able to sleep and eat normally again.

I'm more sensitive and anxious about relationships since stopping adderall. I'm overwhelmed about meeting new people still. I'm back to the original shy, anxious person that I was off the drug. I'm not completely unable to be normal when meeting new people but it's definitely more uncomfortable than it was on adderall lol!

I still regularly think about ctb, especially on bad days. Who knows I still might because I don't cope well with life. Very low frustration, distress tolerance threshold. Yesterday was pretty rough, I was having a difficult time getting goin and the weather was bad. That enhanced the feeling of being stuck here in my apartment alone. My negative spiral began and escalated.

I found myself in bed early and in crying spell. Yea I fall apart easy because I'm often not prepared for unexpected developments and then I make it worse because I spiral into negative thoughts. Getting my brain to snap out of it and not go into self defeating mode is hard at times.
 
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Barzakh

Barzakh

Member
Apr 7, 2019
14
im glad you feel somewhat better ..2 months is a good recovery from it ... i only had adderall once and that was to get high... i zoned out for hours on nothing and felt like a zombie for like 2 days ... but thats maybe because i took 3 pills and was drunk ... but as someone whos struggled with drugs just remember .. Progress not PERFECTION. Good Luck
 
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